Chapter 22 #2
The song has me sentimental. Blame the spritzers. Aidan hooks a hand around the small of my back and pulls me into a dance. Closing my eyes, I rest my cheek on his shoulder.
It’s much cooler in the garden than in the reception hall and I shiver. Even with his body heat, I can feel goosebumps rise along my arms. Aidan removes his suit jacket to wrap it around my shoulders. Sandalwood and his body heat envelop me.
I touch his hand with a grateful, if sad, smile. “Why’d you play this song when you saw me at the pub?”
“To remind you how good it felt back when we were together. I’m my happiest when I’m with you.”
Memories from our time together are filled with so much joy.
Passion, yes, but also patience and generosity and an ease I don’t experience with anyone else.
We’ll never know what would’ve happened in the last two years because I wasn’t brave enough to face the uncertainty of a long-distance relationship.
We can’t regain that lost time, but we have this moment.
I want to sink into it, temporary and imperfect and complicated as it is.
I swallow hard. “What if I told you that becoming a stranger to you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through? Tougher than chemo and med school put together?”
“You’re no stranger to me. Not when every love song I sing is about you.” Aidan cups my cheek. Sincerity imbues his words. “The truth is, I love performing. But some days, all I look forward to is climbing into bed because there’s a chance I might dream of you.”
I draw in a shaky breath, but a response doesn’t quite form.
“Fans sing along to songs I wrote about loving you. They shout along to lyrics born out of us. And it feels almost invasive to reopen that wound every night and bleed onto the stage, because I can’t help but think of you when I sing and relive everything I did wrong.”
“God, I had no idea you still felt that way. I thought it was easy for you to move on. With your glamorous new life.”
A mirthless huff comes out of him. “It’s been a nightmare and a blessing to come from such an emotional place.
I’ve hated that my career is tied to our relationship.
In interviews, they always ask about my muse and I let them speculate because I’ve already spilled enough of my heart out to the public. ”
I lean closer. “It’s taken you a long time to spill it to me, though.”
“To be fair, you’re far more intimidating than a venue full of screaming fans.”
We spot a stone bench overlooking a reflection pond and walk toward it. I sit. “Sorry. These shoes hurt.”
“Take them off.”
“No, it’ll ruin the whole outfit.”
“Hey. You don’t need to be perfect all the time. You can be barefoot and messy and real. I like you like that.”
Aidan drops to my feet, not breaking eye contact. He tugs at the tiny buckle of my ankle strap and slips off one heel, then presses his thumb into the arch until I let out an involuntary moan. Heat flares in his eyes. He gently removes my other heel, repeats the firm, soothing slide.
Either he’s taken massage classes since we broke up, or I’m so touch-starved and plagued by plantar fasciitis that he might as well be a touch savant. He gently kneads the arch of each foot with a thumb. “That’s…really nice, A.”
He smiles up at me. “You haven’t called me that in a long time.”
“I’ll call you anything you like, if you just keep going.”
It feels wonderful. Confident and not at all ticklish. Aidan folds forward, planting his palms on either side of my feet, and kisses the top of one then the other.
“I’m trying to apologize for making you feel like you weren’t worth fighting for. You are. I was an eejit who didn’t understand what you needed back then, but I’m listening now.”
His eyes flit up to mine as he kneels at my feet. He’s not often humbled, but damn does it look good on him. Aidan could have his pick of women, and yet here he is on his knees for me.
“Holy shit. Did you just…grovel?”
“Don’t you dare tell your cousin I kissed your feet. I’ll deny that one even if she waterboards me.”
I cross my heart, then run a hand through his hair. “Aidan, I forgive you. But I think you’re a little bad for doing this out in the open.”
A rare bashfulness comes over him and he takes one of my feet, kneading it slowly. His knuckle runs along my insole and I’m melting. “There’s little I wouldn’t do for you.”
He kisses each of my knees as if he’s asking for entry between them.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he whispers into the inside of one knee while holding eye contact, his breath hot on my skin.
His palms glide up the sides of my satin-covered thighs.
I resist the urge to pull up my dress, spread my knees wide. “All of you.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” I breathlessly admit. It’s been sweet torture being so close to him all day.
“What are you gonna do about it?”
I tap my chin theatrically. “I don’t know. I kinda like you here, kneeling.”
“Some things never change, do they?”
But they do. I’ve learned that I can yearn for someone more than I ever thought possible. I’ve learned that I was wrong about Aidan.
“You wanna get off your knees before someone sees us and people start to talk?”
“Let ’em.” He rests his hands on my lap, one on top of the other and drops his chin on them. He’s a sight to behold. Large aquamarine eyes twinkling with mischief and cheeks flushed from dance, drink, and a dash of subjugation.
I grip his undone collar to ensure his full attention. “Meet me in my room in five minutes. Don’t make me wait.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Aidan lifts his fingers to his temple in the same mortifyingly dorky salute I gave the shepherd, and I roll my eyes.
My body thrums with anticipation as I sneak away from the reception and upstairs to my room. I pull the flowers from my hair and rake my fingers through it, frowning at the singed ends.
The candle-like sconces bathe the historically inspired room in a soft amber light. It’s a far more romantic environment than the hearse. I prop the door and leave my bridesmaid dress on, leaning back on my elbows on the bed as I breathlessly wait for Aidan’s knock.
It’s not long until it comes.
The door clicks shut behind Aidan and he leans against it, hugging a champagne bucket to his chest with an expression of pure trouble. “Hey.”
He sets the ice bucket on the nightstand and picks up the ribbon there.
“I was thinking…” Aidan’s dimples deepen as he rolls the bolt back and forth between his palms. “It feels good to let someone else take the reins for a bit. You might like it.”
I sit up straight. “Are you asking to tie me up?”
“Yes. Let me take care of you. Let go.”
Allowing myself to be passive goes against my every instinct—but ever since this wedding began, I’ve spent so much energy worrying over the smallest things just to feel like I have some control. And what has it really accomplished?
“I don’t know if I can let go,” I admit. “Even the thought of doing bondage ‘wrong’ makes me anxious. What if I feel trapped? What if I panic?”
“We’ll stop. I don’t want to do anything you’re not into,” Aidan says. “Think you can you trust me enough to try?”
“I do.” The words come out before I realize, and I feel the truth of them. I do trust Aidan. I rise from the bed and stand in front of him. “I want to try.”
An understanding passes between us. My mouth goes dry as his nimble fingers deftly undo the buttons of his shirt. Inked skin on display in the low lamplight, he lays it across a chair and slips off his dress shoes.
Satin slides across my skin as Aidan brushes the straps of my gown off my shoulders.
I draw in a shaky gasp as he slowly pulls my zipper down.
Strong hands waste no time stripping me of my bra and panties.
Cool air hits my skin and pebbles my nipples.
Reverence burns in his eyes as he caresses my bare skin with a maddeningly light touch.
He leads me back to the bed and positions me to kneel on the mattress, supported by my knees with hands in front of my sternum in a prayer position.
It looks like I’m pleading—I probably will by the time Aidan’s done.
He grabs the bolt of ribbon and scissors, unspooling it slowly before clipping a length and winding it around my wrists. “Is this still okay?”
I nod.
“Close your eyes, Lo. Tell me what you feel.” Aidan’s voice is smooth and composed as he crisscrosses the strip of satin back and forth and tightens the ends.
I swallow and let my eyes drift shut. “Pressure…”
“What else?” His index finger gently tucks my hair behind my ear and lingers at my temple. “Tell me what’s going on up here?”
“Vulnerability…anticipation.”
“Perfect.” Warm breath fans across my ear.
I gasp and my eyes snap open to find Aidan’s hand on an ice cube pressed to my neck.
Dimples bracket his mouth as he watches my response. Oh, he’s going to torture me. I should’ve seen this coming.
A sharp hiss escapes my lips as he presses the melting ice cube to my chest and sucks the drips off. The juxtaposition of his hot tongue and the ice water sets my senses alight. I squirm as he pulls my nipple into his mouth with a groan. Everything feels heightened.
Aidan eases me down onto my back, stretching my arms and bound wrists overhead.
“Need me to cut you loose? Or do you want to keep going?”
Heat radiates off his skin, close enough to sense, but I need the full weight of him on me. My answer comes out breathier than I intend. “Keep going…”
“You’re desperate for me to devour that juicy little cunt, aren’t you?”
“Jesus, Aidan—”
“Yes or no.” The authoritative edge to his voice makes me shiver. That’s new.
“Yes.” I can’t seem to keep still. My hips seek the friction he’s so cruelly withholding. “I want your mouth on me.”
A dark smile creeps across his face as he spreads my thighs. “Be careful what you wish for, babe.”