Chapter 24
ALEX
Istartle awake.
I yawn and look around.
My face is buried in my arms, draped across a desk.
“What—” I start, looking around and squinting.
“Wakey-wakey, sunshine.”
Logan’s voice cuts through the fog in my head as I finally come to.
“What—what happened?”
“I think you fell asleep while I was gone.”
I lift myself up and look down, noticing my papers scattered across the table.
Logan reaches forward and plucks one off my face.
I don’t even remember falling asleep. One moment I was studying for my broadcast class, and then... nothing.
I glance around the library and relax when I realize no one is looking at us. Everyone is engrossed in textbooks and computer screens.
“Sorry. Didn’t realize how tired I was...” I say as Logan sits down across from me.
“All good. Besides, I brought sustenance...”
Logan places a cup of coffee in front of me, the smell of fresh beans wafting into my nose.
I immediately perk up.
“You’re amazing,” I say, reaching for the cup and taking a sip.
“With oat milk and two sugars, right?” he asks, looking at me nervously.
The coffee tastes perfect.
“Yeah. How did you—”
Logan rubs the back of his neck.
“I remember small things. Don’t ask me how.”
I take another sip, life starting to course through me like the coffee is some kind of magic potion.
“I still don’t know how that happened. Sorry again. I didn’t mean to—”
Logan holds up a hand.
“You don’t have to apologize, Alex. I’m just glad you’re awake. It would’ve been awkward studying across from you while you snored.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose as embarrassment floods through me again, but the warm look in Logan’s eyes takes the sting out of it.
I feel like I could fall face-first into a custard cream pie, and he’d still look at me like I was cool.
“What are you studying tonight?” Logan asks.
I sigh, flipping through the papers scattered across the table and trying to orient myself.
“Whatever keeps me awake.”
“Have you been pulling long nights recently?”
I nod.
“Almost every night. Midterms are a bitch.”
I don’t tell him that I stay up half the night worrying about how my mom’s treatments are going.
They started a couple of weeks ago, and she has another appointment coming up to see how she’s responding. I just need to know that her condition is improving on a clinical level, because if it isn’t, I’m not sure how I’ll handle the news.
Logan takes off his hat and runs a hand through his hair, and I can’t help being mesmerized by the simple motion.
I want to reach across the table and rake my hands through his hair, just to know what it feels like.
I’m jealous of his hands, and his hair, and his sweater, and his shorts—anything that gets to be that close to him.
He nudges my shin with his foot.
“Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, okay, Alex? I don’t want to see you get burned out.”
I nod and let out a long sigh as I stretch.
“I know. I’ve just... had so much going on, you know? I’m still learning how to juggle everything.”
Logan gives me a concerned look.
“You definitely have a lot on your plate.”
“I’ll probably take one less class next semester. I think five is too much.”
Logan’s eyes widen.
“You’re taking five classes?”
I nod bitterly.
“Yep.”
His eyebrows furrow, and he moves his hand forward, almost like he’s about to reach for mine, but stops himself.
“That’s way too much, Alex. On top of The Goldberg, your job, and taking care of your mom and sister. You need to take some of that weight off your shoulders.”
I smile and nod, feeling that deep exhaustion settled in my bones from working so much.
But I don’t have time to rest. If my mom’s treatments don’t work, I’m going to need more money, and that means I’ll have to do even more to help.
“I know. I just can’t really do much right now. I don’t want to drop any classes and waste my money.”
“What about The Goldberg? Could you maybe step back for a bit?”
I laugh bitterly.
“No way. Fiona would kick me off permanently if I ever brought that up. And I need it. I’m so close to becoming editor next year because of the opportunities she’s giving me. I can’t squander that.”
Logan looks at me sympathetically.
“Is there anything I can do?”
I look at him, and suddenly all the weight on my shoulders doesn’t feel quite as heavy. It feels like he—and his huge arms and strong chest—could carry some of it alongside me, or maybe push it off my shoulders entirely.
I want to let him do that.
I want to let someone else take hold for a while and let me just exist.
I sag in my chair.
“Not really. Unless you have a million dollars you can spare.”
“I really wish I did, Alex. I’d give it to you in a heartbeat.”
My heart stutters at how earnest he looks when he says it, his emerald eyes soft and eager to help.
“You’re lying,” I say, my heartbeat quickening.
Logan shakes his head with a shy smile. “I would. Especially with your mom. Your whole family deserves peace of mind.”
I look at Logan and realize there’s no point in denying how I feel anymore. No matter how hard I try not to let myself fall for him, I can’t help it. I can’t escape what I already know, what I’ve been trying so hard to deny.
That I’m falling for Logan Abbott. That I want to jump across the table and kiss him with everything I have left, even if it’s not much.
I want him to tell me that everything’s going to be okay and that I don’t have to do everything by myself. That there’s room for him in my life despite how crazy it is.
But as much as he’s someone I want, he’s not someone I can have.
“Thanks,” I murmur, holding Logan’s gaze.
“That’s what friends are for,” he mumbles back, his gaze wavering on mine before he clears his throat and tears it away.
He blinks as his eyes linger on the table, like he’s just realized something.
Then he looks back up at me, his mouth slightly open and his eyebrows drawn together, like he’s seeing me for the first time.
“You okay?” I ask, trying to decipher the look he’s giving me but coming up empty.
He swallows hard, and his gaze briefly drops to my mouth before flicking back to my eyes.
He clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah—uh, sorry. I just forgot I had another assignment I had to do on top of this one…”
He trails off and starts pulling things out of his bag, averting his eyes as he lays everything he needs on the table.
I watch as his hands begin to tremble slightly. For a moment, I wonder if I made him uncomfortable.
“You sure?” I ask, trying to catch his eye.
He nods without looking up. “Yeah.”
Logan focuses back on his computer, and I try to focus on my coursework. But every few minutes, I can’t help letting my eyes linger on him.
Watching the way he sticks his tongue out when he’s writing something down quickly, or the way he presses his thumb against his lips when he’s confused by something.
He nearly makes my heart stop when he presses his knees against mine beneath the table.
I look up at him, the heat from his legs radiating into mine, but he’s still lost in his own little world.
He leaves his leg resting against mine, and suddenly, I can’t focus on anything else.
On the warmth of it.
On how it makes me feel understood. Safe.
Eventually, I find my focus again, but as I keep looking up at Logan, he never meets my eyes at the same moment.
Still, even if it’s wishful thinking, I can’t help believing that every time I look away, his eyes are searching for mine too.
That he’s looking at me just as much as I’m looking at him.
That we both keep missing what we want to say, like ships passing in the night.