Chapter 29
ALEX
Ilook at myself in the mirror and keep adjusting the part in my hair, trying to get it to stay in place, but it refuses to cooperate.
I scoop out a glob of pomade and try again, silently pleading for it to hold. When it finally does, I breathe a quiet prayer of gratitude.
I huff out a breath and look myself up and down, searching for anything out of place, but I don’t find a thing.
My hands tremble with anticipation as I wait by the door.
Naomi peeks out from the kitchen.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going out.”
“Where?” she asks, amusement written all over her face.
“For a walk along the canal.”
She squints. “Who are you going with?”
I hesitate, wondering whether this top-secret information will somehow make its way to my mom.
“Logan.”
Her face breaks into a smile.
“Yay!”
She runs over and grabs my hands.
“I want to see him again. Can I say hi when he gets here?”
I smile down at her and hold up a hand for a high-five.
“Sure. But be cool, okay?”
She grins and smacks her palm against mine.
“Oh, I can be cool.”
The doorbell rings.
I whirl around, give myself one final look in the mirror, and open the door.
Logan stands on the other side, wearing a burgundy jacket and dark blue jeans.
“Hi,” I choke out, unable to take my eyes off him.
Logan’s throat bobs as his gaze sweeps over me.
“Hey,” he says, his voice just as shaky.
We stare at each other for what feels like an hour.
Is this real? Is Logan really here to take me on a date?
I seriously need to pull myself together.
“Are you gonna come in or what?” Naomi asks, snapping me out of my daze.
Logan smiles and looks down at her.
“You don’t have to ask me twice.”
He steps into the foyer, and I close the door behind him.
“Take off your shoes if you’re coming in,” Naomi says, sounding exactly like my mom.
“We’re supposed to be leaving—”
I stop when Logan slips off his shoes anyway. His mouth parts as he looks into the living room.
“It’s so cozy. It’s almost exactly how I pictured it,” he says, glancing back at me.
“Alex?” my mom calls from upstairs.
I cover my face with one hand as I hear her slowly making her way down the stairs, wincing with each step.
I want to tell her to go back upstairs because she’s supposed to be resting as much as she can, but she has this fire in her that I can never seem to put out, no matter how hard I try.
This was supposed to be quick, easy, and completely free of commotion. The last thing I wanted was to make Logan feel overwhelmed.
So much for taking things slowly.
“Oh. Who’s this?” my mom asks as she makes her way down the last few steps, wincing when she reaches the bottom.
Logan holds out his hand. “I’m Logan.”
My mom smiles and shakes it. “I’m Akari.”
“Nice to meet you, Akari. Alex has told me so much about you. You’re very beautiful. He left that part out,” Logan says, offering her a shy smile.
Mom raises her eyebrows and looks at me, impressed.
“So you’re the Logan Alex has been talking about.” She turns back to him. “And you’re much more handsome than Alex told me.”
I drag a hand down my face. “Okay, are you two just going to flirt with each other, or are we going to head out?” I ask, jerking a thumb toward the door.
“Where are you two headed?” she asks.
“They’re going on a date,” Naomi says for me, clasping her hands behind her back and swaying from side to side.
I groan. “Thanks, Nay.”
Mom’s eyebrows rise again as she looks between Logan and me, like she’s checking whether it’s actually true.
I nod.
There’s no point denying it anymore. It’s all out in the open now.
“I’d love to chat more, but I really do have to leave with Alex. I’ll have him home before his curfew,” Logan says, a playful smile tugging at his lips.
“I don’t have a curfew,” I counter.
“It was nice to meet you, Logan.”
“Likewise,” Logan says, giving my mom one final wave.
“Bye, Logan!” Naomi calls after him.
He waves to her as well, and I quickly usher him out of the house and into the brisk October night.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Sorry about that. I didn’t think anyone would notice I was leaving. I made sure they were all occupied.”
Logan snorts. “Occupied?”
“Uh, yes. I made sure everyone had something to do or was entertained, so my slipping out wouldn’t cause a scene. Obviously, that didn’t work. I should’ve had backups.”
Logan chuckles. “Backups,” he murmurs.
I step down onto the walkway. “Are you ready?”
He nods. “I’ve been waiting all day for this.”
I almost miss a step as I walk down them, and he follows me onto the sidewalk.
It’s a quiet night, and we fill the empty streets with the sound of our footsteps. I still notice Logan’s uneven footsteps, so I walk at a pace that seems comfortable for him.
The canal is only a couple of blocks away.
The boardwalk is lit by lampposts, their amber glow lighting the way forward.
I already feel giddy, even though this is even more unceremonious than the other times we’ve hung out. We’ve even had meals together, but somehow a simple walk means so much more.
Logan pulls the collar of his jacket higher and messes with his hair. “Your day was okay?”
I nod. “My shift went by quickly, then I had a meeting with The Goldberg. After that, I did some homework, worked on my piece, and… now this.”
I glance at him. “How about you?”
He bites his lip. “I worked out with Kai, went to my classes, did a bit of homework, and then got ready.”
I snort. “It took you that long to get ready?”
He shakes his head. “Getting ready is more than just putting on clothes. It’s a state of mind.”
We walk for a bit in silence, and I keep thinking of the right thing to say. Usually, I can quip and fill the silence easily, but Logan makes it harder for my brain and mouth to connect.
“Are you nervous?”
He looks at me, his jaw working. “Yeah.”
I brush his hand softly with mine. “Me too.”
He looks down at the brief moment our hands touched, then back at me. “I’m glad I’m not the only one.”
I laugh. “But it is just a walk. We’ve gone on more romantic dates than this as friends.”
He laughs. “That’s true.”
“Is, uh—is what you want… romantic?” I ask, the words tumbling out of me clumsily.
He nods. “Yeah. I, uh—I think so. You?”
Logan’s words are clumsy, too, like we’re speaking to each other for the first time. In some ways, we are.
“Yeah, for sure. I’m just a bit… hesitant, you know?”
“I don’t.”
I sigh. “Just with my past… I don’t want to repeat anything. I’m just putting that out there.”
His eyes rest on mine. “I know. Me too.”
We share more common ground than I thought.
“I just want to get to know Alexander Fields. I want to know what it’s like to be in your life. In all areas. With time,” Logan says with a small smile.
“You trying to become a barista too?”
He laughs. “Uh, no. I would be horrible at it.”
“You really would be.”
“Hey!” Logan knocks into me, making me stumble slightly on the boardwalk.
His hands find my shoulders and steady me, his eyes wide with panic. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to push so hard,” he says, holding me upright.
I focus on the steadiness of his hands and the protective note in his voice, and it makes me want to melt.
“It’s okay. I should tone down the snark.”
Logan licks his lips and lets go of my shoulders, then cracks his knuckles as we continue strolling.
“I just—I wanted to apologize for not realizing how I felt sooner.”
I frown at him. Why would he apologize for taking the time to figure himself out?
He rubs his jaw like he’s forcing himself to keep talking. “I kept feeling so drawn to you, and I thought I just had a kind of… friend crush on you. I thought you were so cool and smart, and… I don’t know, just… different. So different from everyone I’ve surrounded myself with.”
My cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks.”
“And I just didn’t realize those feelings weren’t only… friendly.”
I nudge him. “Well, I’m glad you had your awakening. I was holding myself back a lot because I really didn’t know how you felt. I thought you were just being nice.”
He winces. “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t… I’m not the most self-aware guy sometimes.”
I nudge him again. “It’s okay. I knew about liking guys when I was in grade school. Some people don’t figure it out until they’re much older. You figured it out eventually.”
We walk a few more steps in silence. Our eyes meet, and his glint even in the milky moonlight.
I look up and notice an array of stars above us.
I grab his shoulder and point to the night sky. “Look.”
He glances at my hand on his shoulder and swallows, but follows my gaze upward.
“Wow,” he says breathlessly.
“It’s such a clear night. I don’t think I’ve looked up at the stars in years,” I say.
“My mom used to show me the different constellations. She’d take me out once a week every summer with a huge telescope and show me a new one.”
He points to a group of three stars. “That’s Orion’s Belt.”
I snort. “Everyone knows that one, Lo-Lo.”
He clucks his tongue, but I can still see the smile on his lips.
He points to another cluster of stars. “That’s Perseus. You can only see it during fall and winter, though.”
I tilt my head. “I can’t really see.”
He grabs my hand. “Put your index finger out.”
He guides my arm along a line, and I feel weightless under his touch. I spot a cluster of stars, with a smaller branch stretching off to the right.
“I see it now,” I say breathlessly.
He points higher into the sky. “And that’s Cassiopeia. You can see it in the October evening sky.”
I smile as I pick out the small line of stars. “It’s beautiful.”
He glances down at my hand and lets go. Clearing his throat, he stuffs his hands into his pockets. “Yeah. My mom was great at showing me that stuff.”
“Is she an astronomer?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “No, she’s just really interested in constellations and space in general. She’s a teacher, so she knew how to get it into my head well enough.”
“She sounds amazing.”
He nods. “Yeah. She is. I miss her, but I’ve liked having my space recently. No pun intended.”
I’m sure it must be hard for him to live away from his parents and not get to see them often, and when he does, they’re asking him about his injury.
“You’re a much better son than I am, though. You treat your mom like she’s royalty.”
I laugh. “Because she is. But I get your point of view. Your mom’s just a reminder of what happened to you.”
He nods. “Every chance she gets, she asks about it. Or about football. I just wish we could talk about constellations and space like we used to.”
“Maybe ask about them next time you see her. Bring back the tradition,” I offer.
He smiles at me. “Maybe I should.”
He knocks his shoulder lightly against mine, and I nudge him back, unable to contain my smile.
We reach the end of the canal, where a fence lines the lookout over the river leading into the lake bordering Montgomery University.
“You—”
“I—”
We both chuckle.
“You first,” Logan says.
I purse my lips. “Did you really only come to the cafe for the caffeine?”
He blinks, looking taken aback. “Uh… no. At first, maybe a little. I saw everyone drinking coffee all the time, and I felt like I was falling behind. I figured if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right?”
I wonder how lost Logan might have been before he started coming to the cafe. How desperate he was to find some sense of meaning or direction.
“Then I just… liked seeing you. Talking to you. Trying out new things. It quickly stopped being about the coffee and started being about being your friend. The caffeine rush was a plus.”
I chuckle. “Guess me and caffeine are your poison of choice.”
Logan snorts. “Something like that.”
I rock back on my heels. “You know, I—”
I chuckle. “I used to wait for you to come through the door. It would be the highlight of my day when you did. I would practically break my neck and give myself whiplash every time I heard that bell tinkle, hoping and wishing it was you.”
He blinks. “You did?”
I shove my hands into my pockets and look down at the wood beneath me. “Yeah. Of course. I can’t believe I admitted that.”
Logan places a hand on my shoulder. “Hey. We’re laying everything on the table, huh? It’s not just you. We both are.”
He grips my shoulder a little tighter, as if I might float away.
My cheeks burn under his scrutiny, but he fills me with such comfort that I try to ignore it.
“Yeah. You’re right. I mean, we’re both here for a reason. We both like each other well enough.”
He purses his lips. “Well, I don’t know about me…”
“Hey!” I say, softly punching his shoulder.
Logan chuckles. “And the award for lamest punch goes to…”
I shove him playfully. “You are such a jerk!”
He grabs my wrists as I try to wrestle with him, but his hands are strong, and he easily overpowers me, keeping me from trying to hit him again.
“That’s not fair,” I wheeze, out of breath from trying to escape his grip.
“All’s fair in banter and war,” Logan says, looking down at me with an evil grin.
“That sounds so corny,” I say, deciding to cut him down with my words since he clearly has me beat physically.
“Hey!”
I chuckle. “I’m kidding. I like it.”
Logan scrunches his nose as he looks down at me. “I like it too.”
We both pause for a moment, his hands still on my wrists and our eyes locked on each other.
Everything else is still, except for the soft sloshing of water in the canal.
He lets go of my wrists and instead cups my right cheek with his hand.
I close my eyes, and his lips find mine, soft yet firm.
He presses into the kiss a little more, and I return it with the same intensity.
Then he pulls back and opens his eyes.
“Was that okay?” he asks softly, his eyes full of uncertainty.
I nod.
He moves his head forward again, and I back up against the railing.
He cups both of my cheeks in his hands and kisses me again, harder.
A soft groan escapes his lips as he moves his mouth on mine, like he’s trying to explore every groove and bump of my lips.
My breath hitches as I catch his groan in my mouth, wanting him to make that noise again.
A breathless longing overcomes me, and I want to keep the hardness of Logan’s muscles and height all over me. I want to explore his body with my hands and let them wander, but I keep them on the railing, forcing myself to take things slow.
He pulls back and smiles at me, taking his hands off my cheeks. The bitter night air rakes across my skin in the absence of his warmth.
“Just wanted to try that again to make sure.”
I laugh. “Make sure of what?”
Logan beams down at me. “That I like you, Alex. And I do. I really do.”
I press my lips together in a trembling smile. “I really like you, too, Logan.”
He kisses me again, and the moonlight glints across the water like a spotlight shining on us, illuminating everything we’d been missing this entire time.
That we were always meant to be like this.