16 #2
Something strange was happening to Maisie.
It wasn’t simply the thrill of dancing with Alex, and the sense of being anchored in Belfast once more.
She was chatting, laughing, sparkling in a way she hadn’t done for a long, long time.
With Gerald, she had receded into the background as he had taken centre stage when they were out together socially.
I made myself small, she thought now. Why did I do that?
‘Thank you, and good night!’ The band leader finished the evening with a flourish, and after applauding along with everyone else, Maisie and Alex went back to finish their drinks and get their coats.
Maisie could hardly believe the night was over already.
It had flashed by in what seemed like an instant.
Alex helped her by holding her coat, and Maisie’s heart turned over at this display of gentlemanliness. He’s well-reared, this boy.
Peggy and Dan were in great form still, but now Maisie and Alex were matching them.
Happiness was fizzing through Maisie. Would she regret this, tomorrow or next week?
Possibly. But right now she felt alive – as though she had finally begun to live again after Gerald’s cruelty had turned her into a wee mouse outside work.
While she had never lost her passion for midwifery, nor her conviction that she could do it, and do it well, the longer she had been with Gerald, in social settings she had gradually become .
. . less. The sensation was a vague one, but dimly she remembered a time before Gerald had chipped away at her confidence – a time when she had known who she was and was comfortable to simply be Maisie Canavan.
It was as though a weight was slowly lifting from her shoulders.
I’m home, and I have friends. Maybe, after all, she wasn’t entirely worthless.
They left together, all four of them, and Maisie was now conscious of a sense of belonging.
She had had chums in London – at least until Gerald had discouraged her from seeing them – but these three were from her home town.
She knew them – even Dan, who was of a different class to her and Peggy, and Alex, who was a different class and a different religion.
In London, it wouldn’t have mattered one bit that he was Presbyterian, only that they liked each other.
I like him. I really like him. There, she had finally admitted it to herself.
Alex made her heart sing when he looked at her, and made it race when he touched her.
He took her hand as they made their way down Henry Street and onto North Queen Street, where the Victoria Barracks loomed darkly over them.
Might Gerald be posted there eventually?
At this moment she literally didn’t care. The notion was exhilarating. Unexpectedly, she was beginning to sense that Captain Gerald Somerville had done her a favour. He had kicked her into freedom, and she was enjoying it. Actually enjoying it.
Eventually they reached the Falls, and Alex stayed with them all the way to the corner of Dunlewey Street, where they said goodbye to Dan and Peggy.
As the four of them had walked home together, Maisie became increasingly quiet and turned in on herself, though the others didn’t seem to notice.
New worries had beset her – not about Alex’s character, but about the fact they were from different communities.
As they parted, Peggy sent Maisie a mischievous wink – both girls knew that kisses from their respective doctors would normally be happening soon.
Peggy’s kisses from Dan were guaranteed. But Maisie found herself suddenly uncertain. While she would love to be kissed by Alex, would he even take things that far? She was Catholic, after all, and he was Presbyterian. Surely he too knew they shouldn’t start anything?
Yes, they’d been flirting, and he was holding her hand. But maybe when it came to it he would decide that kissing her was a step too far . . . Doubts began to creep into her mind. What did she have to attract a man like that? He was handsome, clever, rich, and Protestant, while she was only—
No. She was herself, and she was worthy. Catholics were just as good as Protestants, and she, Maisie, was as good as anybody, despite what Gerald used to say. She repeated it to herself in her head.
Turning away from Peggy and Dan, whose shadows had already retreated into the darkness, Alex took her other hand, both thumbs idly stroking her skin and sending sensation fizzing through her like electricity. ‘That was a great evening, so it was. The music was brilliant, and the dancing.’
‘Still not as good craic as a céilí!’ she shot back, unable to resist.
‘Aye, Dan invited me to some céilí he goes to every month. He said you and Peggy go too. But I have to warn you – I’ve never done céilí dancing, so I’ll be hopeless!’
‘Ah, never worry, I’ll teach you!’ Her heart was now thumping at the thought of doing ‘The Waves of Tory’ with him, of introducing him to her culture and the joys of Irish music.
‘I’ll hold you to that.’ His voice was low and his eyes had darkened, his expression intense and compelling.
This is it! She caught her breath, knowing that she wanted his kiss more than anything. He bent his head and she lifted her chin, their lips meeting as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Maisie’s eyes fluttered closed. His mouth was moving on hers, and now their tongues were dancing, and Maisie’s entire body was taken up with desire for him.
What a kiss! Having kissed only Gerald for almost a year, it was odd to be kissing someone else, but in a good way.
He knows what he’s doing, this boy! Alex’s arms slid around her, pulling her closer, and she leaned into him, delighting in the sensation of his strong body against hers.
They kissed again, and again, then finally separated to breathe for a moment, foreheads touching.
His hands were stroking her hair, and trailing down her back through her thin coat, but thankfully he was making no attempt to touch her where he shouldn’t.
The last weeks with Gerald had been particularly difficult – he had become even more handsy and pushy than usual, and had left her crying more than once when she had not complied with his demands. That last night had been the worst.
But Alex was different. He wasn’t like that.
‘I really like you, Maisie,’ Alex murmured, and abruptly anxiety began to run through her.
A kiss was all very well, but nothing could come of this!
She knew what came next – she was Catholic, and Alex was Presbyterian.
It didn’t matter if she was over Gerald, or if the two of them liked each other.
Ultimately, they could never be together.
‘Aye,’ she said brightly, stepping back. ‘But remember we have to work together! We probably shouldn’t have done that.’
There was hurt in his expression, and her heart turned over. ‘I don’t regret it, though.’ He shrugged. ‘Can’t see myself ever regretting it.’
‘I hope you’re right. I don’t want to regret it.’ She touched her hair, pressed one of the combs back into place. ‘Right. I better get inside, before my mammy comes looking for me!’ She wheeled away, avoiding his gaze.
‘See you!’ he called after her, but she didn’t look back.
Thankfully the house was in darkness, and ten minutes later she slid into bed beside Maureen and Molly, wee Molly protesting at her coldness and shrinking away from her.
Cold? Alex might begin to call her cold now, as Gerald had. But she had to be cold when something wasn’t right. Hopefully she had made it clear that tonight was all there could ever be. Turning on her side away from her sleeping sisters, she allowed a silent tear to make its way to the pillow.