18 #3
‘And how did that land with your ones?’
Her eyes widened at the very notion. ‘Jaysus, I never told them. They’d have went mad, so they would.’
‘Aye.’ He looked thoughtful. They both knew the craic. ‘So you knew from the start it would go nowhere with him – this Gerald.’
‘I did.’ And she had. From the very beginning. Even though she had deluded herself for a while, with foolish daydreams about Gerald moving to Belfast, converting, becoming a nicer person, once she had loved him enough . . . ‘We broke up in July,’ she offered, ‘just before I came home.’
‘I see.’
It was now November, and she was definitely healing from the wounds Gerald had inflicted on her spirit. Definitely. She eyed Alex curiously, wondering if he too carried hidden wounds. ‘What about you? Did you have a girlfriend in Edinburgh?’
‘I had a few!’ He jiggled his eyebrows suggestively, making her laugh. ‘But like you and Gerald, I kept it light, you know? Knowing there was no future in it.’
Light? Her relationship with Gerald had not been light.
Not in the least. That had been her mistake with Gerald – her failure to keep it light.
But she was scared to correct Alex on that point.
She was scared to tell him everything that had happened in that relationship; everything she had let happen.
Guilt thrummed through her. Had she led Gerald on, as he had accused her of doing?
She had known from the start that she couldn’t bring home a British Army officer who was both posh and Protestant.
God, I was such an eejit! A stupid, deluded eejit!
And yet here she was, sitting with another posh Protestant, and flirting the bit out with him.
While a doctor was on the complete opposite end of the acceptability scale from a British soldier, the fact he was Protestant could never be overcome. So why, then, was she encouraging this?
Alex was speaking again. ‘Given the way families be here – religion and all – there’s something to be said for a light relationship now and again, isn’t there?’
His gaze was intense, and her mind was suddenly whirring with possibilities.
Why not? She thought to herself. A light relationship.
Alex had managed it, so he said, with some girl (or girls) in Edinburgh.
Some of her chums in London had lived that way too – no thought of marriage, just the joy of being young and enjoying life and having the craic.
And given what she’d dealt with at the hands of Gerald, she knew she didn’t want to get into something else serious again any time soon. God, the notion was appealing!
‘There . . . is . . .’ she said cautiously.
He grimaced. ‘Like, my ones wouldn’t be too happy if I was to go out with . . .’ His voice tailed off.
‘A Catholic?’ she offered, and he nodded.
‘Aye, my ones would be as bad.’ It didn’t bear thinking about. Her eyes were locked with his, and she couldn’t have looked away if her life depended upon it.
‘So.’ His voice was low, his eyes communicating possibility.
‘So.’ Should she go for this? Oh, she wanted to. There was no doubt about it. But should she? Was this another misstep? How could she know?
‘I didn’t tell my mother and father about our kiss.’ He looked rueful.
‘No. Me neither.’ Her heart was thundering. He understands. It was the opposite, but the same.
‘And if we were to do it again, I wouldn’t tell them again.’ Now his gaze dropped briefly to her mouth, and a wave of desire went through her. I want his kiss!
She took a breath. ‘Good plan.’ None of the Canavans would ever be at the Orpheus, and so long as they were careful at the céilí, it should be all right.
He grinned. ‘I’m glad we agree.’
So there it was. Settled. They would be light.
They could kiss again, and not let their families know, and everything would be perfect.
The music was starting again so Alex rose, his fingers trailing against the back of her neck as he slid his arm out from behind her. Sensation fizzed through her. My God!
‘Do you want to dance?’ he asked, his hand outstretched, and she nodded.
‘I do.’ Walking with him to the dance floor, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something momentous had just happened. Where it would lead, she had no idea. But Alex was special, and they were going to kiss on the way home, and that was enough.
It had to be enough, since in its own way this was as doomed as her relationship with Gerald had been. Would she end up being hurt again? Perhaps. But something light was right for her at this point – and this time, she would go into it with her eyes open and her heart guarded.
So they did kiss again – delicious kisses in the darkness when he walked her home.
And after they parted she made her way down her street and into the house feeling beautifully strange – as though walking on a cloud.
This was all part of it, she told herself.
It would wear off, so there was nothing to worry about.
But this time, she fell asleep with the smallest of smiles on her lips.