Chapter 6
ADELINE
Ipressed a kiss to Lu’s head first. The faintly strawberry scent of her shampoo drifted to my nostrils as I lingered for a moment longer than necessary.
She didn’t even stir, one arm flung dramatically across the middle of the bed like she had fought against sleep, put up a brave battle, finally lost, and was annoyed about it.
Jennifer was quieter, lying still and almost mummified on her side of the bed. I brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her temple, careful not to wake her.
“Goodnight, my loves,” I whispered, even though they were already dreaming.
I took a step back, just looking at their small bodies under the blanket, their stuffed animals shoved to the edges of their bed and a nightlight casting a warm glow across the room.
Somehow, the queen bed they were sharing now felt too big and not big enough at the same time.
I tucked them in and looked at them for another moment, then backed out of the room and softly drew the door halfway shut behind me.
The narrow hallway I stepped into creaked under my feet. The old, run-down condo I’d rented was far from the luxury I used to have, but it was the best I could afford. It was more than I could easily afford, actually, these three bedrooms in the inner city.
I’d had a meeting with my divorce lawyers today that had ended with me crying in the back of a taxi on my way home. At this point, I doubted even Uncle Clark’s fancy lawyers could help my case, even if I wasn’t asking for anything except that Louis remembered we had two daughters together.
I shoved those thoughts out of my head, choosing to focus on the present instead. For now, we were here. We had a home, albeit not nearly as nice as the one we’d left behind, and that was a good start.
When I got to the kitchen, Amber was at the sink with her sleeves pushed up, finishing dishes I’d fully intended to ignore until tomorrow morning. I sighed and slid in at the counter beside her. “You really didn’t have to do that.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t have anything else going on.”
I flashed a smile and nodded my thanks. She was living in our third bedroom through the end of summer, but she was headed to Utah in the fall for a job she was very much hoping didn’t fall through.
Apparently, this past year had been tough on everyone. I wasn’t the only one struggling to find my footing.
“How did it go today?” she asked, finally glancing at me after rinsing another plate. “Your meeting with the lawyers was this afternoon, right?”
I reached for a glass and poured myself some wine, then sank down on one of the barstools feeling a hundred years older than I actually was. “It was today, but I sort of wish it hadn’t been.”
“That bad, huh?”
I shook my head. “It was worse.”
She frowned. “What happened?”
“Louis is threatening to fight for full custody.” The words nearly choked me on the way out, stealing my breath and feeling like they’d scorched my internal organs to dust. “He’s going to fight for them, Amber.”
She turned to face me fully now, drying her hands on a dish towel as her eyes filled with disbelief. “What? Why? He doesn’t even like them.”
“I know, but that doesn’t matter,” I said past the giant lump forming in my throat. “He’ll still fight me for them if I don’t sign over what’s left of my trust fund.”
She frowned at me. “What do you mean what’s left of it?”
I took a swig of my wine, my entire being deflating as I thought back to what I’d been told in that meeting. “I found out today that he’s been leeching off it for years. I had no idea, but apparently, over half of the original amount is already gone. Now he wants what’s left.”
“You’re kidding.”
I shook my head, suddenly feeling so drained and so stupid that I could barely breathe. “He handled all our finances. I never even thought to look into it because I didn’t know any better and I didn’t want to be that nagging wife who was always asking questions.”
“God, Adeline. I’m so sorry.”
I took another, much larger sip of my wine, but it wasn’t numbing me nearly fast enough. I wasn’t sure there was enough wine in the entire world to dull this pain. “Apparently, a few hundred thousand dollars is all he wants. He was never really around for the girls.”
“What a prick.”
I lifted my glass in a silent toast of agreement. “I just feel like such an idiot. I should’ve seen this coming, you know? Once Lu was born, he totally checked out. He wanted a boy and he went out and found himself someone who could give him that.”
Amber’s eyes narrowed to slits, her cheeks even flushing with rage. “He’s the scum of the earth.”
I huffed out a soft, humorless laugh. “He might be, but he has bulldogs for lawyers and they’re coming for everything I’ve got left. Including the girls if I don’t willingly give it up.”
She crossed her arms and lifted her chin. “So what are you going to do?”
I looked at her, swallowing past the ever-growing lump in my throat and past all the bitterness and resentment in my soul. “Honestly? I’m done fighting. As long as I have my girls, I’m fine.”
“Adeline—”
“I mean it,” I said a little more firmly. “I’m tired, Amber. I don’t have it in me to drag this out for more months or maybe even years. Whatever it’ll turn into if I don’t give in.”
She shook her head. “They’re not going to take them from you. You’re a dedicated, amazing mother.”
“I want to believe that, but belief doesn’t hold much weight against money, influence, and a last name that carries more power than mine does right now. It’s just not a risk I’m willing to take.”
“Yeah, I hear you.” Amber spun around and washed the last two plates, then dried her hands and glanced at the clock.
She’d tasted some of this herself when her parents had lost everything, the only difference being that she’d been a kid who hadn’t needed to worry about losing her own kids.
I knew she still understood better than most, though.
This was exactly why she didn’t trust old money families—or really anyone who wielded any sort of power simply because they’d been born lucky.
“I’m going to turn in,” she said once she’d hung up the dish towel. “I have big plans for the girls tomorrow.”
I managed a small smile. “Should I be worried about these plans?”
“Only if you don’t want me running Lu ragged so she’s nicer to everyone.”
“Good luck with that.”
Amber grinned, but it dimmed a little around the edges when she reached out to squeeze my hand. “They’ll be okay. I promise. Good night, Adeline.”
“Goodnight.”
I stayed exactly where I was, too tired to move and too emotional to think, just sipping my wine until it was done. Then I rinsed my glass, set it in the sink, and went down the hall. When I checked in on the girls, Jennifer still hadn’t moved.
The divorce had been difficult on both of them. Jennifer was taking it in stride a little more than Lu, but she also didn’t really understand what was going on. It almost seemed like she thought we were on an extended vacation and everything would snap back to normal eventually.
She kept asking when her daddy was coming back so we could go home, like this was all just temporary. I didn’t know how to answer her questions yet. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I ever would.
Lu had kicked her blankets off again, sprawled diagonally across the bed, and even in her sleep, there was tension in her small body. Unfortunately, at five, she understood more than she should about what was happening.
Louis had never been around for her as much.
She was still going through it with that as well, knowing that her father didn’t really care enough to pay much attention to her.
It broke my heart and I was doing my best to be there for her in every possible way, but then I’d upended all our lives when I’d chosen to leave New York instead of sticking around and watching Louis parade his pregnant mistress around our social circles.
After backing out of their room once more, I showered and changed into my pajamas, praying for peaceful, dreamless sleep.
Early the next morning, I was up and moving through my routine on autopilot, making coffee while I was still brushing out my hair and sliding a mug to Amber when she walked in.
“Good morning,” she said, gratefully lifting the mug off the counter. “Thanks for this.”
“No problem.” I picked up my own coffee and headed back down the hall to make sure the girls were finally moving.
Like all kids, they always dragged their feet when they didn’t want to start the day. Jennifer was quiet but cooperative, slipping into her shoes without much fuss, but Lu had already decided she wasn’t participating today.
“I don’t want you to go,” she said with her arms crossed tightly across her chest and a sharp scowl on her little face. “I want to be with you.”
I crouched in front of her, keeping my voice tender and soft. “I have to go to work, baby.”
“No,” she said immediately. “You don’t.”
“I do, my love.”
“You don’t,” she insisted loudly. “You can just stay.”
“I can’t, but I’ll be back later, okay? You and Amber are going to have a fun day.”
“No,” she snapped. “I don’t want a fun day. I want you.”
My chest tightened with the pain of having to deny her when all she was asking for was me. “I know, but grown-ups have to wor—”
“No!” Her voice cracked, frustration spilling over into rage. “You always leave now. I hate it.”
“Lu—”
“I hate you!” she yelled.
My eyelids slammed shut, my heart cracking in half as I tried to breathe through what I knew was only a meltdown. I knew not to take it personally and that she didn’t mean it, but God. That hurts.
Amber stepped in smoothly, almost like she’d been expecting this at some point, and reached for Lu’s hand. “Okay, we’re not saying things we don’t mean right now.”
“I mean it!” Lu insisted, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I do. I mean it. I hate it.”
Jennifer hovered nearby, seemingly uncertain about where she fit into all this. I swallowed past the tightness in my throat and reached for her hand and Lu’s. Jennifer took it, but Lu practically melted into Amber.
“I don’t want you,” she shouted through the tears.
I felt like I’d suffered a gunshot straight to the chest, but Amber didn’t give me time to respond. “Alright, that’s enough. Shoes on. Grab your jackets. Let’s go.”
Lu didn’t look back, but Jennifer did, waving and smiling sadly at me on their way out the door. “Bye, Mommy.”
“Bye, baby,” I managed. As the door fell shut behind them, a sob tore through me.
The silence in the condo was suddenly so complete, so deafening, that I just couldn’t handle it. I hated this part, the quiet and stillness of a place without them in it.
As much as I’d suffered under Louis, I missed my old life where I could be with the girls all day. I missed the stability of knowing that I was their stability. At least then, I’d been there for them. They’d never looked at me like I was leaving them behind.
The sound of my phone ringing made me jump, too shrill and loud in the silence. When I glanced at the device, my cousin’s name, Simon Morris, was on the screen. Uncle Clark’s son.
Even though I’d been about to have the breakdown that had been building deep inside for weeks, I inhaled a deep breath and got myself back together. I couldn’t break. Who else would hold everything together if not me?