Chapter 11
ELEVEN
JANE
I returned to my bedroom and rifled through my closet, searching for something nice enough to wear on a date with a professional hockey player.
I had plenty of professional work outfits, but not a lot in the way of date wear.
Honestly, I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been on a date.
Perhaps a little while after I’d moved here.
I pulled out a dress and looked it over. Short and black, with a conservative neckline and thick fabric to keep my torso warm. But was it too short?
Grimacing, I laid it on the bed and continued to search.
I had a nice summer dress, but it was cold outside, and I really didn’t think the dress would be suited to the conditions.
Truth be told, the black dress probably wouldn’t either, even paired with warm tights.
Perhaps I ought to use the same jeans and shirt approach as Austin.
Or… I reached in and grabbed a soft, navy pair of trousers. I usually wore them for work, but they had a slightly playful flair and a cute belt. If I chose the right blouse, it could definitely be date-worthy.
My pale pink blouse with puffy sleeves might work. Especially combined with a stylish jacket the same shade of blue as the pants. None of it was particularly eye-catching, but for now, it would do.
I dressed, brushed my hair out, and let it fall around my shoulders, then applied a touch of mascara and lip gloss.
Then it was time to go.
Time to face the fact that I’d agreed to enter the public sphere once again and that there was every chance people might stare at me.
Austin attracted attention. That was just the way it was.
Even without his hockey, he was an incredibly good-looking man, with a sense of presence that drew others to him.
My breath caught in my throat, and I stumbled over to the mirror, planted my hands on the vanity, and looked myself in the eyes.
Could I actually do this?
My pupils were pinpricks and it was difficult to focus on my reflection.
My vision swam.
I drew in a deep breath, inhaling for four, holding the breath for four seconds, and exhaling slowly.
Spots began to appear and I leaned forward, worried I might fall.
Using one of my old techniques, I focused on identifying four things I could see. My reflection. The mirror. The tap. My toothbrush.
Next, I concentrated on four things I could feel. The brush of my hair against my cheek. The soft fabric of the pants against my legs. The inner-sole of my shoes. The smooth surface of the vanity under my hands.
The spots receded and I continued to breathe steadily until I returned fully to the present moment.
Okay, I could do this.
It wouldn’t be easy, but few things were.
Gathering myself, I checked to make sure I hadn’t sweated through my clothes, then went downstairs to meet Austin.
Immediately, I wished I had something a little more “wow factor” in my closet.
I was hopelessly outmatched compared to him.
The man looked amazing in business casual, and the gym clothes he wore in the mornings showed off his body to great effect but put him in a pair of jeans and a blue shirt and he looked like the all-American dream guy.
The jeans clung to his strong butt and thighs, and the blue shirt made his eyes appear even more electric than ever.
“You look nice,” he said, opening the garage door and holding it for me. “Would you like to drive, or shall I?”
For a moment, I was surprised that he’d asked, but then I remembered this was an all-new aspect to our relationship, and he was probably trying to avoid the assumption that I’d chauffeur him around the way I usually did.
“I’ll drive.” I knew he preferred not to, and I was happy to have a distraction. Driving would help prevent me from panicking again.
During the drive to the Navy Pier, neither of us spoke much. It was just as well this wasn’t a real date or the silence probably wouldn’t have been a good sign.
I parked a few blocks away because there was nowhere closer, and we walked alongside each other, awkwardly drifting closer and then edging farther away, neither of us quite sure how far to take the charade and how cozy we should look.
A couple of times, my breath started to speed up, and I had to force myself to slow it and remain calm. My palms were damp, so I subtly wiped them on my pants whenever I got the chance.
Dinner was delicious. I had a buttery pasta dish cooked to absolute perfection.
It was lovely to splurge. I tended to eat healthily because I typically just had whatever Austin did, and his diet was very carefully controlled.
I did feel a tiny bit bad for savoring each mouthful of the carby goodness while he ate his steak with steamed vegetables, but I didn’t let the guilt get the best of me.
After we finished, Austin asked if I’d like to return home, but even though I noticed a few people looking at us, I didn’t think we’d made quite the splash that Gus had hoped for, so much as I hated the idea of encouraging more eyes on us, I suggested we go for a walk through the gardens instead.
I may not like attention, but I’d committed to this and I was going to do it properly.
Austin paid the bill, and we left through the front door, wandering toward the gardens. Fairy lights overhead illuminated the area, and I pulled my jacket tighter around myself as the cold breeze ruffled my hair.
We’d only passed a couple of the circular gardens when a group of people stopped us and asked for Austin’s autograph.
I concentrated on breathing and pretending not to notice the way they glanced at me curiously as he signed everything they offered him, maintaining his usual distant but polite attitude toward fans.
By the time we made it through the gardens, he must have signed over a dozen hastily proffered objects, including the back of someone’s hand—which I suspected they’d never wash again.
“The Centennial wheel?” he asked, glancing up at the wheel that towered over the pier, glowing white and purple neon.
“Why not?” I didn’t mind heights. They weren’t my favorite, but as long as I had a solid platform beneath my feet, they didn’t usually bother me much.
We stood in line, and I kept close to his side as the guy managing the ride waved us into a box. The door closed behind us. We sat side by side and gazed out the window as the box jolted into motion and we climbed higher into the air.
It was dark, but the bright lights and business of the pier made it seem festive.
As we reached the top of the wheel’s arc, the glittering lights of Chicago sprawled before us in one direction, the dark and endless surface of the lake in the other.
At moments like this, it may as well have been the sea for how massive it seemed.
I snuck a look sideways at Austin. In the dim light, with his hair slightly ruffled and the collar of his shirt open, he was even more handsome than usual. Attraction fluttered in my gut, and my heart squeezed. I forced my leg to still as it began to jiggle.
I could handle this. Plenty of people felt attractions without acting on them. But then, most of them weren’t pretending to date the subject of their attraction.
“Jane.”
“What?” I flinched, realizing we’d reached the ground and the door had opened. “Oh.”
Austin hovered over me and, when I continued to hesitate, he offered me his hand.
I took it and he pulled me to my feet. We stepped out slowly, and Austin kept a hold of me as we continued along the pier, away from the Centennial wheel.
His palm was warm against mine, his calluses rubbing pleasantly against my softer skin.
It felt strange, holding my boss’s hand. Part of me wanted to pull away, but a deeper part wanted to twine my fingers between his just to see how it felt and what he’d do.
“Oh my God! Are you Austin Harris?” The strident female voice came from a tall, gorgeous biracial woman who’d locked eyes on us and was beaming like all her Christmases had arrived at once.
“I am,” Austin said cautiously. “Nice to meet you.”
“I’m Brina.” She came closer, dragging a shorter, plumper girl along with her. Her gaze raked up and down his body. “You’re even more handsome in person. Can I buy you a drink?”
Austin angled himself toward me. “Sorry, Brina, but I don’t think my girlfriend would approve.”
Her eyes widened, and as her attention dropped to our joined hands, she immediately backed up a step. “I’m so sorry! I had no idea you were dating someone.” She crinkled her nose and met my eyes. “My bad, girl.”
At her attention, my stomach lurched and my heart began to race. “I-it’s fine.”
I should probably feel slighted that she hadn’t realized we were together even when we were holding hands, but I’d always thought this farce would be ridiculous. No one was going to buy that Austin and I were dating.
“Brina.” The other girl tugged her hand. “Let’s go.”
Brina waved her off. “Hold on. Can I get a photo with you?”
Austin nodded. Brina gave her phone to her friend and stood beside him. I started to pull away, a sense of existential dread creeping over me. My tongue rested thick and clumsy in my mouth, and I knew that if I had to speak, I’d struggle.
“Stay,” Brina said. “I need to prove I met both of you. This is immediately going on all my socials.”
My chest tightened, and I fought the urge to duck out of frame. Unfortunately, there wouldn’t be any point in this charade if nobody ever found out about it, so I forced my feet to stay planted and did my best to smile for the camera.
When Brina rejoined her friend and checked the photo, I thought we were off the hook, but instead, she raised it again and pointed it at us.
“Will you kiss for a photo?” she asked. “So my friends know I’m not making it up and you’re actually a couple?”
I froze. Beside me, Austin stiffened too.
We turned slowly toward each other, our hands still connected. He rested his free hand on my hip. A shiver rippled through me from his proximity. It had been so long since I’d gotten this close to a sexy man.
He lowered his head toward me, just enough that no one would be able to overhear. “Is this okay?”
I nodded. Chaste kisses were part of the contract, after all, and I’d dreamed of how it would feel to kiss him since the moment we’d met.
He came closer, and I closed my eyes. The air stirred near my lips, and then his brushed against them, plusher than I’d expected and gone a moment later.
A gasp caught in my chest as my eyelashes fluttered open and my vision cleared.
Yeah, I was in big trouble.