Chapter 43
THE UGLY TRUTH
Killian
A trickle of icy sweat slinked down my nape as the video on Bass’s computer loaded, the inside of Stan’s Mercedes from a few years ago coming into view. Instead of facing the road, the dashcam was angled towards the leather seats, mainly the passenger side.
Why would he do that?
There was no reason to record the interior of the car, unless...
I watched as Stan put the car in park and rolled down the window. “Where are you going?”
A faint voice sounded from outside. “To the high school, three exits down the road.”
Lexi stiffened in my lap, fine tremors rippling through her body. “Oh my God,” she whispered as the color drained from her face. “This is...”
And then a sixteen-year-old Lexi slipped into Stan’s passenger seat, dropping her bag on the floor and nervously tugging at the hem of her jean skirt.
No. No, that’s not—
My brain refused to catch up with what my eyes already knew.
Sixteen. She was sixteen.
And I did nothing.
That’s not true; I’d called her a liar and erased her from my life.
The moisture vanished from my mouth as blood thundered in my eardrums, drowning out the words spoken between my future stepfather and my then-best friend. As he leaned toward Lexi, the camera caught the smirk tugging at his lips, shooting acid up my esophagus.
The sunlight glinted on his tousled blonde hair and made his blue eyes sparkle, giving him an angelic appearance, but there was nothing divine or good about him.
“You should learn to be more respectful, little girl.” The sudden menace coiling around Stan’s words penetrated the haze clogging my mind. “I offered you a ride; you should really be thanking me.” He reached across the console to curl his hand around Lexi’s thigh.
And then his filthy hand disappeared beneath her skirt.
Everything in me fucking shattered.
Both versions of Lexi—the one in my lap and the one in the video—remained frozen, glued in place by fear. Choking terror pierced her gaze on the screen, and something inside my chest cracked wide open.
My sweet, kind, brave Lexi was violated, and when she finally trusted me with the truth, I betrayed her. I refused to believe her because I didn’t want anything to spoil my chance at a new life.
I didn’t just doubt her. I chose him.
I’d looked her in the eyes and decided she wasn’t worth the truth.
She’d shown me the truth, shown me how broken she was... and I just broke her again.
Stan was the devil, and I offered up my soul on a silver platter to gain money and power.
As Lexi faced the real-life nightmare on the screen, tears leaked down her cheeks. Her hand trembled so hard the mouse rattled beneath her fingers.
“I can’t watch this anymore.” She clicked the pause button so hard I was surprised the mouse didn’t crack.
I’d made her relive this. All to prove a point.
“I need to see it.” Even if it destroyed me. I didn’t deserve to look away. My nostrils flared as the embers of fury sparked into flames in my gut. “You were right. I need to know the truth.”
My stomach turned, bile clawing up my throat.
Every second of this felt like a knife dragging across my skin.
I couldn’t breathe, but I couldn’t look away.
Every tear that slipped down her cheek was another blade carving into my chest.
Every second felt like a punishment I fucking deserved.
Lexi shoved out of my lap like she couldn’t stand the contact anymore and paced across the room, dragging her hands through her hair.
I forced myself to press play again and witnessed my stepfather stealing Lexi’s innocence, breaking her all within a few short minutes. The sick bastard probably planned to pull over and rape her, but she puked in his lap and escaped the confines of his prison.
And I wasn’t there. A bitter, burning pressure built behind my ribs.
I wasn’t there for her.
She’d unexpectedly arrived at my house right after, distraught and shaky, and I held her as she cried into my chest, easily accepting her explanation about missing her ACT.
And then I let her walk away with it. Alone.
I should have known it was more than her father’s car breaking down and being unable to take a test. I should have pressed her for more information.
I should have just fucking believed her from the beginning!
“Now you’ve seen the ugly truth, Kill.” The pain etched in Lexi’s face, the anguish wrapping every word was a sledgehammer crashing into my perfect facade. “Your stepfather is a monster. He always has been.”
The day I believed him over her was the day my heart died and I lost my soul—because Red had always been my heart and soul. Without her, the black hole festering in my depths grew, feeding on any remaining goodness in my life.
No amount of money could ever replace what I’d lost.
Would she ever forgive me?
How could she?
“What are you going to do?” Lexi asked, leaning against the wall, her arms wrapped around her chest like a protective shield.
What could I do?
Fire sped through my veins, igniting the anger that had been brewing since that motherfucker’s hand had gripped her thigh. Suffocating waves of it slammed into me, not only for what he did, but for my own part in her pain.
I swiped my arm over Bass’s desk, tossing everything except the computer to the floor. Glass shattered and pens rolled across the hardwoods.
But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.
Every crash was another piece of me I wanted gone.
My boots hit the ground as I shot out of the chair, a crimson cloud infiltrating my mind and blocking any rational thought.
Rage, all-consuming and unyielding, hemorrhaged through my bloodstream and coated every cell in my body until it was all I could see, taste, hear, and smell.
It even fucking invaded my dead heart, reviving it like black magic.
I grabbed expensive trinkets off the bookshelves and chucked them across the room. Lexi’s gasp barely registered as I ripped a painting off the wall and sent my foot through the canvas.
I wasn’t just destroying Bass’s office. I was trying to tear myself apart.
If I bled enough, maybe it would even the scales.
“Killian, stop!”
I couldn’t. The beast within me had been completely unchained—no, not unchained, it had fucking destroyed its chain, and it craved destruction for all the evil Stan brought, all the evil I allowed him to bring.
All the overwhelming guilt. If I hadn’t been a selfish asshole and had trusted my best friend, Lexi wouldn’t have suffered alone all these years.
Once every piece of artwork and photograph had been yanked from the wall before me, my fists slammed into the hard surface over and over again. The pain didn’t make a dent in the blistering inferno trapping me.
My skin split across my already bruised knuckles, and blood splattered the gray drywall, but I continued the assault on my stepbrother’s office and on myself.
I deserved a spot in hell right next to Stan and Bass.
As I thought his name, a new thought, a question, bloomed to life in my mind: Why the fuck did Bass have this on his computer in the first place? This wasn’t just evidence. It was leverage. Did he get off on his father assaulting Lexi? Did he stroke his dick as she cried?
The thought of him watching her while pleasuring himself only drove me farther over the cliff of sanity. Hell, I’d left sanity in the rearview mirror the moment my Red popped up on that screen in Stan’s car.
I snatched books from the shelves, kicking and demolishing everything in my path as broken, anguished screams erupted from my mouth. If Bass or Stan walked in right now, I’d kill them with my bare hands.
No hesitation.
I longed to do it, to feel their bones, especially Stan’s, fracture under my savage touch.
“Killian.” A presence appeared beside me, vanilla spiraling up my nose and warmth spilling over my side.
I didn’t even realize I’d stopped moving, that I’d just been standing in the same spot, seething.
As I turned, my nostrils flaring like a wild beast and heart hammering, a blue-eyed angel came into view, tears streaking her cheeks. The urge to run my fingers through her soft, auburn waves simmered within me.
But my hands were torn apart and bloody. I didn’t want to dirty her.
No more than I already had.
“Calm down, Kill.”
Red. My Red.
No. Not my Red. Not my anything anymore.
I’d ruined everything when I chose the Davenport name over her.
She gently took my hands, biting her bottom lip as she studied them. “Hurting yourself won’t do any good. Let’s get out of here. Someone must have heard the commotion by now.”
I yanked out of her hold and stepped back. She shouldn’t be this close to me. Not right now. Not after what I’d done.
“How could you stand to touch me after what I did? How can you even be near me?” Sweat dripped down my temples, and my heavy, frantic breaths filled the suddenly quiet room. “I’m a monster, just like my real father. I may have never physically beaten you, but I hurt you all the same.”
Her eyebrows slammed together. “You’re nothing like your father or Stan. You made a mistake, a huge one, and you did hurt me. That doesn’t make you a monster.”
My bitter laugh ricocheted around the demolished room.
“A mistake? You call what I did, how I treated you, a fucking mistake? You were my best friend, the only girl I’ve ever lo—” The words were there. Always had been.
My mouth snapped shut before I confessed something stupid, and I slammed my fist into my chest, blood spilling down my hand.
“I am nothing but a black hole that consumes anything good. I destroyed our friendship because I was blinded by the idea of having it all. I betrayed you when you needed me the most, and then I blamed you for my pain when you were the best thing in my life.”
“I’m still in your life.” She grabbed my arms when I tried to pull away again, her nails digging in. “Despite everything that happened, I can’t walk away from you, Kill. I spent five years without you, and I don’t want to do it again.”
After everything... she still chose me.
I didn’t deserve that. Not even close.
I didn’t just fail her. I chose the man who’d hurt her. Who’d broken her.
Agony, a hundred times more potent than any physical pain I’d ever experienced, slashed deep gouges into my chest. Lexi admitting that she still wanted me was enough to placate the beast. Just barely.
The bloody fog choking me began to thin. I didn’t deserve her, but I sure as fuck would fight to keep her.
“I’m so sorry, Red.” My voice cracked, and I could hardly breathe through the invisible claws attempting to gut me. “I’m so fucking sorry for everything.”
“I know, Kill.” As another tear brimmed over, I caught it with my thumb, wiping her cheek, unable to stop myself from touching her any longer, regardless of how selfish that made me.
My eyes watered with the threat of tears as I pulled her closer, kissing her forehead.
“I’m going to burn his world to the ground.
He doesn’t get to walk away from this. Not this time, Red.
I promise.” My jaw clenched, teeth grinding, as I drew back.
“I will make this right if it’s the last thing I fucking do. ”
Stan wouldn’t get away with this. The bastard wouldn’t continue his reign of terror while pretending to be a saint.
He’d fooled me, but no more.
Lexi’s mouth parted, worry lines creasing her forehead. “He’s dangerous, Kill. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Nothing could hurt me anymore... except losing her.
“I can handle it.” After releasing her, I marched to Bass’s desk and typed on his computer. “I’m sending this file to myself and wiping it from Bass’s hard drive.”
He’d never know what happened to it.
Hopefully.
Lexi flanked my side and rested her tiny hand on my shoulder. “What do you plan to do with the video?” Her suddenly quiet voice ripped my insides apart.
I gently brushed my lips over hers, thankful she didn’t shove me away even though I knew she should. “I’m not sure, but no one else will ever see this, okay?”
Her fingers smoothed down my arm and rested on the serpent tattoo as she mulled over my words. She hesitated, and that hesitation gutted me. She had every reason to walk away.
After the longest silent moment of my life, she finally spoke. “I trust you.”
The words felt heavier than anything I’d ever carried. And I’d spend the rest of my life proving she wasn’t wrong to place that in me.
My revived heart thumped erratically in my chest. “You have every right not to, but I will earn that trust back.”
I closed Bass’s computer, grabbed her hand, and towed her toward the door. My stepbrother wouldn’t be able to connect me to his demolished office. Still, I needed to get her to safety and return to fix what I could. Maybe the dumbass wouldn’t notice.
As I yanked the door open, a glaring figure appeared in the hall. I jerked Lexi behind me, pressing her to my back.
Shit. Of course it couldn’t be that easy.
“What the fuck are you doing in Bass’s office?”
Ice ran through my veins and saliva collected in the back of my mouth.
Vaughn Radcliffe.
Of all the people to catch us, it had to be the pledge director.
My stepbrother’s loyal little bitch.