11. Julian
Present…
I pounded on April’s door. I hadn’t seen her since she left my suite, and I hadn’t called her for anything. How could I face her when I couldn’t even face myself for what I did to her? Seeing the look on her face before she left my room, remembering the look on her face that night ten years ago, I despised myself. I had so many opportunities to apologize since we left Oakland, to make things right. Well, as right as I could make things between April and me, but I chickened out every time.
The door swung open and my eyes collided with shocked green ones. “Julian, is something wrong?” She looked me up and down, lingered on my cast. “Are you in pain?”
Her continued concern made me feel even worse. I didn’t deserve her compassion. How could she still give a shit about whether I was in pain or not? She’d always been so pure.
“I’m sorry.”
She lifted a brow and searched my face. “You look terrible. Have you slept?”
“Not a wink.” It was almost five in the morning. I’d stayed up all night wallowing in guilt. I took a good look at her. She was dressed in a robe but her eyes were bloodshot as if she hadn’t been asleep either. “Can I come in?”
Her eyes narrowed. “No. This is my personal time.”
“Please. I need to apologize properly.”
Her eyes landed on the hallway’s plush red carpet. “For what?”
“You know what.”
Eyes darting to my face, she nibbled her lower lips, sighed, and stepped aside. When she closed the door, she pulled her robe tighter. “I wish you’d given me a heads up. I would have put something on.”
My head snapped to her face. Was she saying that she had nothing on but that robe? My dick lifted its head with interest. I was in a hotel room with an attractive woman, wearing just a robe. I was a hot-blooded man, a mere mortal. Of course, sex with April crossed my mind. However, I’d be a gentleman. I was here on an apology mission so I told my dick to pipe down.
Clearing my throat, I turned to her. We stood in the living room area of her suite. It was identical to mine with satin sofas facing floor-to-ceiling windows that gave a scenic view of Los Angeles. “You left before I could apologize. I’ve wanted to apologize for what I did to you for a while now. I tried that very night, ten years ago.”
Arms crossed, eyeing me dubiously, she asked, “What do you mean?”
“I looked for you, April. After you ran off, I drove around town trying to find you. But damn, if you didn’t move fast on those heels. You were nowhere to be found.”
Her lashes lowered to hide her eyes. “So, you went back and enjoyed the rest of prom?”
“No, I went home, parked in the garage, sat in my car, and stewed in guilt until my ass burned from sitting for too long.” How could I have gone back and enjoyed my night after seeing the look in April’s eyes? She’d been devastated. The fire that had always been in her eyes when we took digs at each other had totally diminished. I knew I had fucked up epically when she didn’t even call me a jerk like she usually did before running away.
“Why did you even care? Weren’t you the one to orchestrate the whole thing?”
Sighing, I looked skyward. I didn’t want to give her details, but if I was going to make things right, I had to. “No, I didn’t. It was all Ric’s idea.” Ric McCoy had been my best friend, at least, he had been until I learned over time what a bully he was. “I’m not excusing myself because I went through with it. So, I was just as much of an idiot as he was.” I walked over to one of the sofas, sat, and patted the seat beside me.
“No, thanks.”
“Please, just get over here April. I just want to explain and maybe grovel until you forgive me.”
She threw her arms out. “It’s no big deal, Julian. It was ten years ago. We were kids. I don’t even think about that night much.” Her cheeks turned crimson and my eyes narrowed.
“Liar.”
Huffing, she stomped over and plopped down beside me. I hid my satisfied smirk. I liked having her close and liked her company. That thought made me pause. Maybe my life at the top was lonelier than I thought. I mean, I was craving April Bennet’s company. We hardly even got along. Shaking off my amazement, I angled my body towards her, ignoring the tenderness in my chest. Sometimes I’d forget about the fractured ribs. The doctor said I should heal within three to six weeks as long as I avoided too much activity, which I had.
“I don’t see why we have to go over this,” April said. “I think I suffered enough humiliation back then.”
Her words made me feel like the lowest of the low. “And that’s why I’m determined to earn your forgiveness.”
Brows drawn together in adorably annoyed lines, she sat back. “Have at it, Grayson.”
“Apparently you pissed Ric off, called him stupid or something. You know how fragile his ego was.”
April gasped. “I did no such thing. I corrected him once in class. He got the whole meaning of Hamlet all wrong and I corrected him.” She spun around to face me too. “How does that warrant such a cruel joke?”
I gazed at April, a little shocked as I watched the clouds of confusion gather in her eyes. “That’s what Ric had been so pissed about? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Massaging my forehead, I groaned. Now, I wanted to travel back in time and pummel that dick for dragging me into his stupid prank. Or maybe I’d find him today and pummel him. Then again, I had only myself to blame. I knew what he wanted to do was wrong and went ahead with it. Mom would be horrified if she knew I’d taken part in such foolishness.
“God, April, I didn’t know. He came to me saying you insulted him. I asked what it had to do with me, and he said he had a plan to get back at you.” I held up my palms, even the one with the cast. “Mind you, we had our own rocky relationship―”
“Because you were always a jerk.”
I shook my head. “I deserve that. Anyway, I figured, what was wrong with a harmless prank? Then he devised an elaborate scheme to fool you into thinking you had a date to prom.”
April glared. “To what end?”
“You were supposed to walk into the gymnasium all excited only to be dunked with flower petals.”
Her brows furrowed. “That doesn’t sound too bad.”
I gave her a sheepish look. “Glue was supposed to go first. So you’d look like one big...flower. You know, because you always wear them.” Saying that out loud really puts in perspective how stupid kids can be.
She harrumphed. “Freaking high school kids. Terrible.”
Tell me about it...I was one of them.
“Why was it you who pretended to be my secret admirer?”
“Ric got it into his head that you were into me and would say yes when I eventually asked you to prom.”
“Well, that”s just...ridiculous. Me into you. Yeah right.” Her laugh rang with way too much nervousness and the way her eyes skated away from mine made me suspicious.
“Is it really that ridiculous, April? I mean, I watched you read my note. You looked pleased that I was your secret admirer and that I asked you to prom.”
Although her cheeks were pink, she held my gaze and then snorted derisively. “Please, Julian. I was a loser in high school. Having a secret admirer, being invited to prom when I was sure I wouldn’t go at all was exciting overall. I would have gone with a freaking broom.”
I lifted a brow. Disappointment threatened to rise but I stomped it down. “Huh. I see. You weren’t a loser.”
“Yeah, tell that to the rest of our peers.”
“You stayed true to yourself and rocked your own unique fashion, that’s all.”
“In teenage language: loser.”
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. “Maybe a few people admired you. Being yourself in high school takes guts, Bennet. The rest of us cowards pretended to be who we weren’t to fit in.”
“Are you implying that you’re one of the few who admired me?”
“I did. I do. You’re my hero.”
April’s lips twitched. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
I smiled. “Well, sometimes you make it hard to say nice things. Your brand of sass can be very frustrating to a man.”
Her shoulders visibly relaxed. “You tried to stop the whole prank, didn’t you?”
“How do you know?”
“Looking back, it’s easier to see that you were uncomfortable from the start. Your expression that night when you practically sprinted out of the gym...”
I sighed. “I wanted to warn you. Tell you to leave. I didn’t know they’d followed me outside.” I also didn’t know that I’d be captivated by April’s beauty that night. Seeing her, I wished she’d been my date for real.
“Well, being humiliated in front of a few of your buddies and Regina beat being humiliated in front of the entire senior class so…” She shrugged. “Thanks, I guess.”
I grunted. “Please, don’t thank me. I never should have gone through with it. You were right. It was cruel. I’ve carried the guilt ever since. I’m really sorry, April. I hope you believe that, and I hope you can forgive me.”
She stared ahead at the huge windows. Silence stretched between us for a while. Maybe she was going to tell me to get lost, and that she’d hate me forever. “It was ten years ago,” she sighed. “Someone told me I need to get over high school. She was right. It’s okay, Julian. You played a prank as a kid. I won’t hold it against you forever. Apology accepted.”
I released a breath and gave her a small smile. She called it a stupid prank, but she had no idea just how much her obvious hurt had weighed on me. What I did wasn’t me. Even now, I couldn’t escape putting on a facade for the masses. It made me miserable sometimes.
“Are you okay?”
I laughed. “Why do you keep asking me that?”
“You keep going somewhere else.” To my surprise, she tapped my forehead. “In here. You’ve been doing it all day. Since we left Oakland, actually.”
She noticed that. Many of the people who were around me for much longer didn’t notice. Then again, I was good at putting up a front. That made April noticing my shift in moods all the more impressive. Finally, someone really saw me. I glanced at her. Perhaps she always had. Maybe that’s why I’d always accepted her insults with a certain amount of amusement. She wasn’t afraid to tell me the truth. At present, most people in my life were yes men and women. April had a special talent for calling me out on my shit, and it was refreshing.
“I’m fine,” I lied. I wasn’t going to apologize for my mistake then turn around and make this moment about me. “Even better now that things are good between us again.”
She lifted a brow. “When have things between us ever been good, Julian?”
I pressed my lips together to fight back my smile. “When I say good, I mean back to normal. You know, squabbling, being petty, followed by a very brief period of maturity.”
She giggled and I liked the soft, breezy sound.
“That’s just us...Flower Child.” And damn if I didn’t find some of our verbal battles stimulating. Her smile dimmed a little and I frowned. “What?”
“Why would you apologize and go back to the name-calling?”
“You got it all twisted, April. I’ve never called you that as an insult. I started calling you that because I found your obsession with flowers cute.”
“Cute? Really?”
“Quirky, but cute as hell.”
“O-oh...uh…” Her cheeks burned bright pink. “Thanks...”
I smothered a grin. Her occasional lapses into flustered awkwardness were adorable. Everything about her was cute. She was gorgeous, especially like this—fresh-faced, dressed casually, and skin glowing in the soft light of the room. I cleared my throat lightly to pull my thoughts away from how good she looked. I also tried to ignore how dangerously close she was sitting to me. “I guess, I should head back to my room now.” I really didn’t want to, but there were inappropriate thoughts about April seeping in. Things like: I wonder what her lips taste like. Are they as soft as they look? Is she really naked under that robe? I’d love to take a look.
Pulling a deep breath, I stood up, putting distance between myself and temptation.
“Okay.” She stood up too and pulled her lips between her teeth, drawing my attention to the plum pink flesh.
I swallowed, recalling how I’d wanted to taste her lips when I saw her on prom night. That wasn’t the first time I thought about kissing her. There were plenty of times in our teens when we had a volatile run-in where I wanted to kiss the hell out of her just so she’d shut up. I never risked it though. Sweet, shy April had a temper and claws that she only showed to me. A cute, but feisty kitten, that’s what she was. Maybe I took satisfaction in knowing I could draw her out of her shell like no other...and maybe, I used to tease her just for that purpose.
“So, see you in a few hours then.”
She nodded and walked me out. I turned around and we stood in front of the open door, facing each other. Why couldn’t I just leave? My mind was telling me to get the hell out but my body refused to cooperate.
“So…you’re sure we’re good?”
She rolled her eyes, and I felt like an idiot.
“Julian, you made your confession and repented so you won’t burn in hell for something you did when you were eighteen if that’s what you’re worried about. You can relax.”
I scowled. That damn smart mouth of hers. God, I wanted to attach mine to it. “Ha, she’s got jokes.”
She smirked but it slowly faded as she continued to stare at me, her gaze lowering to my mouth. It was uneasily quiet. No, I take that back. The atmosphere didn’t become uncomfortable, it became tense. Sexually tense. Her blatantly staring at my mouth gave me a hard-on. Ridiculous. I wasn’t that sex-deprived.
“Uh…” My eyes darted from side to side, trying desperately to stay away from the swell of her cleavage now visible over the V-shape of the robe. “April? You okay?”