15. Julian
My smile refused to go away. It had been plastered there since April stepped into my suite. It grew with everything she said and did. My boner, hidden by the tablecloth, grew along with my smile, but I tried not to think about it. When she took a bite of Lasagne alla Bolognese, closed her eyes with a look of sheer pleasure, and moaned, I almost moaned right along with her.
“Oh, my God, Julian, this is delicious.”
My smile slipped a little as I reached for my glass of wine and took a huge gulp. Did she have to make those sounds? Did she have to call my name like that? Now all I could imagine was April moaning, “Oh, my God, Julian,” in that same breathy tone. Only, it wouldn’t be because of food. It would be because I was in between her legs, driving her to ecstasy.
I blew out a breath and told myself that April and I were friends now, and that was all we’d ever be. There would be no more putting my paws on her, even if I wanted to. I didn’t know what it was like to be just friends with a female. All of the women who I tried to date, turned out to be meaningless flings. I didn’t want that with April. She was so real. She was wearing silly slippers in my presence. It may not be a big deal to other people but to me, it was refreshing. She didn’t try hard to be sexy, she just naturally was. She didn’t try hard to impress me so she could get into my bed either. Yet, all I could think about was getting her there.
Not going to happen. Not with this one.
I would not ruin things with April. We’d developed a very precarious friendship...of sorts. I mean, we still argued about the stupidest things and she still called me out on my shit, but it was good. Whenever my dick got involved, relationships went downhill. I’d preserve whatever April and I had going on here. It was nice to have someone around who knew me before the fame and money. She kept me grounded. I liked her for her, not just because she had a vagina, and that was a rare phenomenon for me.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying dinner,” I said to get my mind off of April’s vagina.
She turned to me with a grin. “I am. How did you guess that I love lasagna?”
“I didn’t…” I gave her a wry smile, “have to guess that is. I heard you telling Tessa how much you missed her delicious lasagna. You said it was better than sex.” That told me that April hadn’t had the right man in her bed yet. One night with me, and I bet she’d be singing a different tune.
Her eyes bulged and her face turned crimson. I swallowed my smile. “You eavesdropped on my private conversation with my sister?”
“I didn’t.” I shrugged. “Okay, maybe I did but it was hard not to. We were sitting beside each other on a plane. There wasn’t much privacy to be had.”
“Oh, my God,” she groaned. Eyes narrowing, she pointed out, “I was kidding about the sex part.” Shifting in her chair, cheeks bright red, she murmured, “I’ve had great sex. Lots of it. Like mind-blowing orgasms all the time.”
I lifted a brow, a smile threatening to surface. Did she not know I could tell when she was lying?
April closed her eyes and inhaled. If her face got any redder, it might catch fire. “Just...shut up Julian.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Forget everything I said,” she sighed and turned away from me to poke at her plate with her fork. The words were barely audible but I heard her mutter under her breath, “Awkward-April strikes again.”
My lips curved upwards. And Awkward-April was fucking adorable. I changed the subject so that she didn’t keel over from her obvious embarrassment. “So, what did you do without my amazing company today? You missed me, right?”
She rolled her eyes, but the ghost of a smile was evident. “Oh, yeah, I couldn’t bear being without your company.”
“Always so sarcastic,” I commented and hid my smile behind my glass.
April sighed and swiveled in her chair to face me. She put her fork down. Her serious expression had me worried. “Julian.”
“Uh-oh. What did I do?”
Her lips kicked up at the corners. “Relax, you’re not in trouble.” Teeth sinking into her lower lips, she studied me. “What am I still doing here?”
My eyes darted from side to side. “Uh...having dinner?”
She chuckled. “I mean, here, in New York, with you. It’s been three weeks. You don’t need me anymore.”
I had no idea why a wave of panic rose in my gut. Didn’t need her? Of course, I needed her. Then it hit me that I wasn’t entirely sure why I needed her. It was certainly not for her medical expertise. Holding her gaze, I had no idea what to say.
April pursed her lips and gazed over my shoulder. “You’re healing nicely. Your wounds are fine. I don’t even have to dress them anymore. Your last x-ray showed that your ribs are...great, and so is your wrist. You’re no longer on meds. You’re just fine...without me.”
I glanced down at the wretched cast that I had to wear for about three more weeks. “I…” Lifting my eyes to hers, I asked, “Are you trying to quit on me, Flower Child?” I pressed a hand to my chest and pouted. “I’m hurt.”
Her smile blossomed, then turned into a laugh. “No, I’m not trying to quit.” She toyed with her necklace. “It’s just that you’re paying me a lot of money to do nothing but hop on private jets and lounge around in fancy hotel suites.”
“And you don’t want that? I was right when I said you’re a peculiar creature.”
She huffed. “Don’t start. It isn’t fair that you’re paying so much when I’m hardly performing any nursing duties.”
Scratching my chin, I regarded her with amusement. “So you’re worried about my bank account? That’s sweet but don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t run dry anytime soon.”
She snorted and surveyed the room. “Yeah, so I”ve realized. Still―”
“I do need you.” I pursed my lips after blurting the words out. Way to sound desperate and pathetic. “I mean, I’m still wearing this thing…” I lifted my left hand and she gazed at the cast. “And…”
To hell with it. Taking a deep breath, I dropped the bullshit. “Look, April, I like having you around, okay? You’re a pain in my ass sometimes―” Her jaw dropped and I had to bite back a laugh. What? It was the truth. “...And I’m pretty sure I’m more of a pain in yours.” She nodded very vigorously, and this time I did grin. “But, it works. We work.”
I bit my lower lip. I just made it sound as if we were a couple. “I mean as friends. It’s been damn good having a real friend around, April. My mother and Andy can’t give up their lives in Oakland to run around with me or live in Canada. I’d never ask them to, as much as I want my family with me.” I shrugged. “Truth is, I’ve been lonely, but not so much since you’ve decided to take the job as my nurse. You being here is like having a piece of home. I guess it’s because I’ve known you since you were in pigtails, and I was causing chaos on the playground.”
She giggled.
“Whatever it is, it’s just been...nice. So there...” I grinned at her. “Go ahead, take your dig at me. I know you want to.”
April’s lips parted, but no words came out. She held my gaze for a while, wearing a slight frown. “Actually, I don’t want to. This is the realest I’ve seen you, Julian.”
I blinked. Of course, she knew I threw up an unbothered facade every damn day. She always saw right through me. I had to look away before she saw too much of what I hid from everyone else. I was scaling the line between actual happiness and misery. I kept having this feeling that something was missing from my life, and it gave me serious anxiety because I had no idea what it was. What was the more that I wanted?
“Are you okay?” she asked gently. “You’re doing that thing where you go far away somewhere in here again.” She tapped my forehead.
The brief, innocent contact made my dick twitch, which was ridiculous. Who got turned on by a tap on the forehead? I’d gone way too long without sex. Exhaling softly, I shrugged. “I’m fine.”
She didn’t look convinced but she turned back around and grabbed her fork. “I’ll stay under your employ on one condition.”
I lifted a brow. “What’s that?”
I was looking at her profile, but I could see her trying to fight a smile. “You take me to the restaurant you wanted to take me to tonight. The food is good enough for me not to care about being seen with you.”
I grinned. “Very funny.”
She turned to me with a bright smile, and we went back to enjoying dinner. April and I slipped into our comfortable banter, sometimes bickering about trivial matters and sometimes flirting. I couldn”t get enough of her sarcasm and the way she became flustered when something she didn’t mean to say out loud slipped out.
She asked me about my business ventures and I was honest with her. I could be honest with her and she gave me her advice or opinion without kissing my ass like so many did. “You want to retire early,” she said with a nod. “So that’s why you seem as if you”re chasing something, and your time is limited.”
I pause. “Wait, is that the impression I gave?”
“Of course. I’ve only seen you behind the scenes for a few weeks, but it’s enough time to see how insanely driven you are. You take on things that you don’t need to.” She glanced at me. “I’ve even heard your manager lecturing you to take it easy and focus on your hockey career. Now, I understand. You’ve been stacking your cards so that you can stop playing.”
I let out a long breath and abandoned my dessert. “You got it. No one else knows. Shit will hit the fan if it gets out that I want to retire already. I haven’t said anything yet because I’m not even sure exactly what I want.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
My eyes met hers. “I know.”
We stared at each other for a moment too long and things got uncomfortable. Sexually uncomfortable, that is. We kept getting caught in these uneasily intense moments where we both clearly wanted to kiss each other but no one made a move. Like right now. Her eyes dropped to my mouth, and I stared hungrily at hers. We hadn’t said a word about our hot as fuck kiss in L.A. I guess that was deliberate on both our parts. Talk about an awkward conversation.
I swallowed and yanked my attention away from her tempting mouth. April and I had something good going here. We were in a good space. We shouldn’t let sex confused what we were. April was my friend. She licked her lips, her tongue sliding against one corner, and I lost my shit. Fuck it, April and I couldn’t be friends. I wanted to kiss her, devour her. I wanted to get between her delectable legs and stay there for as long as I could.
I leaned towards to kiss her, and I heard her breath hitch. She wanted the kiss too. However, my lips were met with...nothing. April shot to her feet, cheeks infused with pink and eyes wide. “I should get going.”
Biting back a groan, I let out a quiet sigh. How long were we going to do this dance? The we-want-to-but-we-shouldn’t dance. It was driving me crazy. Shoving fingers through my hair, I stood up. “Yeah, okay.”
“I should help you clean up.”
“It’s okay.”
“But your hand―”
“It’s fine,” I said tightly.
Lips pressed together, she backed away. Another awkward end to our time together. It was becoming our thing. “So, I’ll see you in the morning?”
“Uh-huh.” I was too busy keeping my erection under control to come up with actual words.
April visibly swallowed, nodded, and turned to walk to the door. She hesitated a moment but then kept going. The door opened and closed. “Son of a bitch,” I hissed. Another cold shower and jerking off tonight. It was cool. Keeping things nonsexual between us was for the best. My dick vehemently disagreed but what did it know about maintaining healthy friendships? I stared at the door, still thinking about April and sex. I wanted her so badly. When was the last time I craved a woman?
With a growl, I threw every idea about maintaining our “friendship” out the window and marched to the door. We had to stop this. It was time we talked and confirmed what the hell we had going on between us. We needed to either hop into the sack and go at it or put it out there so that we’d remain platonic. Yanking the door open, I stopped right before I collided with April.