18. April
“I’m afraid I’ve been sexually awakened.”
My sister stared at me silently. Lucy blinked very slowly. Her eyelids lifted to reveal amusement and confusion in her brown eyes. She tilted her head to one side and said, “I see. Congratulations...?”
Frowning, I peered at my phone screen. I called Lucy after sneaking out of Julian’s room this morning. I’d eased my way out of bed, took a moment to admire how adorable he looked fast asleep, and then I hot-footed it out of there. My panic mounted when I reached my room. I slept with Julian, and it was too incredible for my peace of mind. So, I called my older sister because she always knew how to put me at ease.
Hot-faced, I gave her a sheepish grin. “I should give a little more context, shouldn’t I?”
Lucy pursed her lips, her eyes gleaming with laughter. “Yeah, that would be nice.”
Groaning, I slapped my palm against my forehead. My sisters were accustomed to me blurting out embarrassing things when I got anxious. I was mostly calm, maybe a little too calm about some things. However, when I got overly anxious, all of that Zen evaporated and I turned into a stuttering mess. That only happened when I was thrown into social situations so that was why I avoided them which meant I didn’t have this problem often. Recently, I realized that it wasn’t just uncomfortable social situations that posed a problem. Julian was a major problem. He made me so nervous that I’d been that mess of social awkwardness more often than not.
“Right. First, let me start over by greeting you like a normal person.” As soon as she’d answered my video call, I’d blurted out that I’d been sexually awakened. What is wrong with me? “Hi, Luce, how are you?”
She threw her head back and laughed, and I couldn’t help giggling along with her. “I’m great. I guess I don”t need to ask how you’re doing. Apparently, you’re good because you’ve been sexually awakened.”
“Laugh it up. Take your time. I’ll wait.”
Lucy cackled while I studied my fingernails. Finally, she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. “What a way to start the morning,” she said. “Thanks for that.”
“You’re welcome. Now, are you ready to perform your older sister”s duty and make me feel better?”
“Totally ready. What’s going on with you?”
Flopping down on a sofa, I sighed. “I slept with Julian last night.”
She lifted a perfectly arched eyebrow. “And you were sexually awakened...?”
I blew out a breath that ruffled the strands of hair hanging over one eye. “You have to understand, all of my sexual experiences before him were very few and excruciatingly lackluster. One or two were downright horrible.”
Lucy’s expression twisted into pure sympathy as she held a hand over her heart and I almost laughed. “You poor thing,” she cooed and I fell into a fit of giggles.
I’d always felt comfortable sharing things with her and Tessa. My two older sisters were more compassionate and understanding than the younger sarcastic Cass, and the overly inquisitive, melodramatic Ruby. “Thank you for your sympathy.” I smirked. “After my night with Julian, I now wish I could go back in time and lose my virginity to him on prom night. It would have been amazeballs.”
Lucy gagged, her eyes wide. “I can’t believe I’m listening to this.” One corner of her mouth lifted into a devious smirk. “But, for the purpose of enhancing this strange but amusing conversation, whom did you lose your virginity to?”
My eyes narrowed at Lucy’s journalistic way of being nosey. What the hell, I might as well share, right? “I lost my skin-tag at twenty-one to Nathan Schmidt. He’s been a mouth breather since elementary school so you can imagine the horrible sound effects.”
She gagged again and struggled to contain her apparent horror. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too,” I murmured. I’d stayed away from guys completely after the prom night debacle. Julian had broken my heart even though we were never together in a romantic sense, and I never entertained the thought of dating until Nathan asked me out. I wasn’t really attracted to him since I was hung up on a particular blond hair, blue-eyed Adonis whom I resented yet had a foolish crush on at the same time. I went out with Nathan in a ridiculous attempt to forget about Julian. After a few dates, I decided to sleep with him. My first time was horrible, and I didn’t forget about Julian so it was all for naught.
Lucy ducked her head and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Okay, all jokes aside, you slept with Julian.” She shrugged. “Okay.”
“That’s it? No, how could you do that, you’re his nurse, lecture?”
Lucy sighed. “Honey, you’re miles away from home with a hot as sin star athlete whom you have a history with. It was only a matter of time before you two fell into bed together.”
It was my turn to gawk at the phone screen. “Hot as sin?” I scoffed. “You’re engaged.”
“And I only have eyes for my man, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t acknowledge that Julian is very good-looking. You should go for it, April. Whatever it is.”
I gasped, absolutely scandalized, utterly shocked by the words coming out of my sister’s mouth. “Who are you? Since when are you pro jumping headfirst into...whatever with a man?”
“Since I realized that being in love and putting my trust in someone worthy isn’t a death sentence,” Lucy sighed. “After what I’ve experienced with Nic, the genuine love, respect, and trust, I can’t hold on to the mentality that Mom tried to force on us, April. She was wrong. Taking risks when it comes to love can work out.”
I swallowed hard, feeling that massive wave of anxiety rising again. “Mom wasn’t wrong about everyone. Nic is an anomaly. Maybe he’s the last of his kind in this universe.”
That elicited a roar of laughter from Lucy. Sobering, she rolled her eyes. “Do you hear yourself? You sound crazy.”
“Like Mom?” That possibility was disturbing.
“Oh, honey, no. April, you slept with Julian once, right?”
“Yes.” And the once was enough to have me in an emotional frenzy. Why did it have to be so incredible?
“Then why are you panicking?”
“Because, like I said, I’ve been sexually awakened. Being with Julian last night felt like too much, Lucy. Spending time with him has led me to the discovery that he’s a decent guy and not at all the asshole I thought he was.” And that was dangerous because I didn’t want to start developing deeper feelings for him. Although, deep down, I feared it was too late.
“Wait, what? What am I missing here? I thought you and Julian were friends. You went to prom together and you said you had a great time. Where does the asshole part come in?”
I went still, my eyes locked with Lucy’s. For ten years, I carried the secret of what really happened on prom night and I just inadvertently spilled the secret. “Er... about prom night…”
Lucy’s eyes narrowed. “It appears somebody has been keeping secrets for a decade. Go on.”
Heat rose in my cheeks. I was just too embarrassed to share what happened even with my sisters. “Fine,” I huffed. “I think we should be talking about something important like your upcoming wedding instead of my insane enemies to sort of friends to lovers to...I don’t know what relationship with Julian but whatever.”
“Sweetie, your story sounds so much juicer than my wedding plans.”
I rolled my eyes and with a resigned sigh. Then, I told her everything—the prank Julian and his friends put together, how Julian tried to thwart the whole thing and kind of succeeded but failed because I was gutted emotionally that night anyway, and finally, how I ran and hid out at the park before walking to Margaret’s house to cry my eyes out.
Margaret had been pissed and offered to go to school to beat manners into those “hooligans” with her cane. That had made me laugh so hard that night when I thought I’d never laugh again. I stayed with Margaret for hours and she fed me comfort food―freshly baked chocolate chip brownies and chamomile tea. She then taught me how to play poker as she regaled me with tales of her days as a “young lass” working in a Vegas casino. After that, I walked home, snuck inside without Mom seeing me, and told everyone I had a magical night.
Lucy sighed. “So you mean to tell me you spent prom night with your surrogate grandmother instead of having the amazing time I was so happy you got to experience?”
“Yup.”
“Oh, my gosh. I’m going to drag Julian by his ear when I see him. I’m going to borrow Margaret’s cane and beat him with it just like she wanted to ten years ago. I’m going to―”
“Lucy.” I held my stomach as I laughed heartily. My sister’s claws came out when it came to protecting her younger siblings. “Don’t get worked up. It was ten years ago, and I’m over it.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Julian and I had a heart to heart, and he apologized.”
She huffed. “I guess I won’t attack him at the wedding then. Nic invited him.”
“I heard, and I’m glad you won’t launch an attack,” I giggled, “because I kinda like him now.”
“Kinda?” Her eyes twinkled.
“Alright, I do. I like him. We’re friends. We still have our squabbling moments, but he’s alright. Last night rattled me so hard. The way he made me feel,” I sighed, “I’ve never felt that with anyone.” I glanced over my shoulder at the door, as if Julian might appear at any minute. “That’s why I snuck out of his room this morning.”
I would have been super embarrassed to admit that if Lucy’s gentle smile didn’t put me at ease. “I get it.”
“You do?”
She nodded. “You tried to fight your attraction to him and when you finally gave in, it was better than you expected. Too amazing for words. The intense emotions have you reeling, and you are already picking apart a relationship you haven’t even established yet. Things are too good to be true, and you should jump ship before it leads to heartbreak. I get it.”
“Exactly.”With narrowed eyes, I peered at my sister. How did she hit the nail on the head? She must have mind-reading powers or something. “How on earth did you guess so accurately what I’m feeling?”
She grinned. “Because I’ve been there, little sis. I’ve had my fair share of running after intense moments.”
Sagging against the arm of the sofa, I groaned. “I felt too much, Luce, and I’m not used to it.” I wanted more with Julian. I wanted to feel the fire he ignited inside me all the time. “It’s more than just the great sex with him,” I added. “You know how I get flustered sometimes and say the most embarrassing things?”
“Uh-huh.” Lucy smiles.
“With him, I don’t feel like a complete idiot who struggles to communicate with people when I get awkward and stutter out half-sentences. Julian always seems to get what I want to say, and he just eases around my awkwardness like a pro. No other guy has ever done that. With my very limited dating experiences, the guys always looked at me as if I’m a weirdo.” Hence, the non-dating streak I’ve been on for a while. It was just too hard.
I shoved my hand through my hair, and my fingers shaking with agitation. “This is dangerous. Julian is wrong for me. Even if I did want to try my hand at dating or a relationship―and I’m not implying that I do―he’s the worst person to choose.”
“Why would you say that?” Lucy asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
“He lives in another country for one. And he doesn’t want anything serious,” I say, choosing to ignore the smile on her face.
“How do you know? Have you asked him what he wants?”
I scoffed. “Lucy, please, the man has a different woman on his arm every time he makes entertainment news.”
She sighed. “You never know what’s going on behind the scenes or in his heart.”
I shook my head. “Okay, this is getting out of hand. We shouldn’t even be discussing hearts. We had sex. Once.”
“Hey, you’re the one who called me and freaked out.” She shrugged.
Blowing out a long breath, I nodded. “I did freak out, didn’t I?” And for no reason, too. This was precisely why I shouldn’t pursue anything long-term with anyone. The slightest thing sent me into panic because growing up, I was taught that men were the enemy. Even if Julian was interested in more than sex, which I was almost sure he wasn’t, he wouldn’t want someone as skittish as me.
Lucy frowned. “I wish I could just make you and the other girls see that everything Mom forced on us was nonsense.” I gave her a dubious look and her frown deepened. “I guess you’ll have to see for yourself.”
I lifted a brow. “Eh...we don’t all get a Nic and a happy ending, and I’m okay with that.” I shrugged, but then that secret romantic Cass accused me of reared her ugly head. I told her to get lost because there was no Prince Charming heading in my direction. There was a charming devil with the bluest eyes and a wickedly teasing grin who knew how to strum my body like his instrument, though. I’d have to face him this morning, and I wasn’t looking forward to the encounter.
“I should get myself together. I have to face Julian, and I still have a job to do.” Well, kind of because Julian no longer required a nurse.
“The awkward morning after,” Lucy said with a sympathetic look. “I don’t miss those. Good luck.”
Pressing the heel of my palm to my forehead, I chuckled. “I am not looking forward to it. Look, Luce, thanks for listening to my crazy rant.”
“It wasn’t that crazy.” I grinned and she said, “Call me anytime. We all miss you. Do you know when you’re coming back home?”
“I’m not sure. Julian did ask me to stick around even though he’s healing nicely.”
“Did he now?” she drawled.
“Don’t.”I scowled at my sister. “I’m still his...I’m working.”
“And doing overtime by the sound of it.” She wiggled her eyebrows.
I gasped. “Lucy, I was not expecting this from you.” Cass or Ruby maybe, but never Lucy.
She laughed. “I’m sorry. It’s just that the sereneMother Earth April who comforts others when they get worked up and irrational has finally become worked up and irrational...over a guy.”
“If you tell the others I’ll kill you...after you’ve experienced the joy of your wedding day, of course,” I added sweetly.
That sent her into another fit of laughter. I huffed my annoyance but a smile played on my lips. “Goodbye, Lucy. I’ll call you again with more details. I can tell you’re living for this.”
“I am.” Her giggles were infectious, and I grinned broadly. “Please call me. Not just for the juicy Julian and April saga. I want to know that you’re okay.”
I scoffed. The Julian and April saga? Seriously? “Thanks,” I murmured. “Love you.”
“I love you, too.”
When Lucy’s grinning face disappeared from my phone screen, I stared out the window of the suite. Obviously, I couldn’t stay with Julian for much longer, or else things could get super complicated between us. I didn’t do anything complicated.