21. April
I was so comfortable that I fell asleep. I’d been a little jet lagged too, so that helped to knock me out for a little bit. The disorientation of being in a strange place hit me, but it wore off as my mind quickly processed. Julian. Canada. Argument with Julian. Hot sex with Julian...on the couch in his very posh living room. Got it.
I gazed down at the blanket covering me and smiled. It was a thick multicolored crochet blanket that had Faye written all over it. Julian’s mother loved to crochet. He kept the things his mother made for him. How incredibly sweet. Damn him for continuing to be so surprisingly lovable. My brows furrowed. I mean likeable. The man in question was nowhere to be found.
My eyes swiveled around the room that I’d only got glimpses of earlier. The warm colors of the living room were enhanced by dozens of ceiling lights that gave the room a cozy and almost romantic ambiance. I craned my neck and took in the polished hardwood floor surrounding the recessed living area. The living room alone was spacious so I imagined the rest of the rooms were too. When we arrived, I had openly admired the outside of the two-story French-style house. It was situated on a secluded property. Julian’s place wasn’t the sprawling, ostentatious mansion I’d expected a millionaire to have. It was just the right size, and the perfect mix of space and comfort. It was gorgeous. The little that I saw of Julian’s home so far was impressive.
The soft thud of footsteps nearing made me clutch the blanket tightly around my chest. I was still naked. My face heated several degrees when I noticed my clothes were nowhere to be seen. Julian appeared, looking as fuckable as ever. Since when did I even use words like fuckable? Yet, there were no other words that I deemed appropriate to describe the vision before me. He was shirtless, wearing only his jeans. The zipper was open, revealing that he hadn’t bothered to put on any underwear.
I mentally wiped away the drool from the corner of my mouth as I subtly checked out his bulging biceps and rippling abs. Then, my gaze moved up to take in his smile. “Look who’s finally awake,” he said.
Shoving my hair out of my face, I couldn’t help feeling a little embarrassed. I was still naked on Julian’s couch after begging him to take me on it. “How long have I been out?”
“Two hours.”
“Oh, wow.”
“It’s okay. I took the time to get the house warmed up a bit. I had my housekeeper come in to check on the place while I was gone, but it was a little chilly here earlier.”
I look down at myself again. Hence, the blanket he’d thrown over me. My heart warmed, picturing him wrapping it around me. “I didn’t notice the chill.” That’s because I’d been on fire for him. “Thanks for the blanket.”
He smiled. “I also took the time you were snoozing to make us something to eat.”
“You made us something?” My brows shot up.
Julian sniggered. “No need to look so horrified. I’m fairly competent in the kitchen. I won’t poison you, I promise.”
I laughed softly. There was no way I could pass judgment on his culinary skills when mine was zero on the competence scale. “I’m just surprised that’s all.”
“Thought I had a team of people doing my every bidding?” His lips lifted at the corner and his eyes danced with laughter.
“I did, actually.”
He chuckled. “I told you, I like my privacy. You still don’t seem to believe me. You refuse to believe that I’m not who everyone thinks I am.” His amusement faded and a frown formed between his eyebrows.
Swallowing, I squirmed a little and pulled the blanket tighter. I didn’t want to get into that, not right now. I was too uncomfortable with our current situation that felt way too intimate. We shared a passionate moment, I slept in his arms, and he made me something to eat. It felt right and wrong at the same time, if that was possible. What exactly were we doing here? Julian seemed to pick up on my discomfort because his eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest―his bare, manly, chest―as if he was ready to say something else.
I forced my eyes away from his body and changed the subject. “You have a lovely home, from what I’ve seen so far anyway.”
Sharp eyes on my face, he replied, “Thanks. How about I give you a proper tour and you can get settled in?” His lips kicked up at the corners in his usual teasing grin. “Although, you look pretty settled to me.” The fire in his eyes as he gave me a slow once-over, heated me to the core. My face flamed. I was sitting naked on his couch, covered by just a blanket after we made love. Yeah, I’d say I looked more than settled.
* * *
After the tour, a long hot shower, and dinner, we sat right where we’d made love. It was hard not to picture us naked with our bodies intertwined. It was also hard not to think about doing what we did again. Julian had become a bit of an addiction, and it was a little scary. He’d convinced me to come back here with him, but I’d leave eventually. It would be like it was in the beginning, being miles away from him and being unable to get him out of my head. Only, I wouldn’t resent him this time. I”d actually miss him. The thought had me blowing out a long breath.
Julian, lounging beside me, raised a brow. “So, how long are we going to carry on with this awkward silence?”
My lips twisted with humor. It was very awkward. Glancing at the empty plates and glasses on a tray in the middle of the coffee table, I chuckled. “I guess we could talk about earlier but that would only add to the uneasiness.”
“Yet, we need to talk about it.”
“Okay. How about we start with the fact that you like to cuddle? You know, I didn’t take you for the cuddling type,” I joked.
He laughed, but it was more of a grunt. “Yeah, I didn’t take me for that type either. Yet, I have no problem doing it with you.” My eyes snapped to his because of the hint of confusion I heard in his voice. He sighed and his expression became somber. The mood that I was desperately trying to lighten plummeted. “Look, April, I’m really sorry about earlier.” A small frown puckered his eyebrows. “What I said was foolish. I tend to say stupid shit when I’m frustrated. I behaved like an ass our entire trip here because you wouldn’t talk to me for weeks about…”
“Us?”
He glanced at me. “So, there’s an us?”
I sat taller and just about every muscle of my body tensed. Nice going, I told myself. Why was it so hard for me to avoid causing awkwardness? “N-no. I didn’t mean...not like we’re...I just meant…” I sighed and closed my eyes. Why was I like this? As if verbally communicating with someone was the hardest task ever.
“Relax.” He chuckled. “I know what you mean.”
My shoulders sagged. Like I’d told my sister, Julian somehow understood me. “It’s okay,” I said. “You, behaving like an ass, I mean.”
He laughed. “Since when is that okay?”
“Since I snuck out of your room the morning after our first time together and refused to talk about it for three weeks.” I peeked up at him through my lashes, feeling guilty.
He swallowed. “Well, it doesn’t excuse what I said. I really am a dick.”
“Julian, you know I only called you that because I was angry.”
He nodded and rubbed his jaw. “You had every right to be. I wish I could take back that comment. If I could take it back, I would, and if I could kick myself in the ass, I definitely would.”
My lips lifted slightly at the corners.
“You were right, April. I can be a dick, but you were off about me making your life hell in school.”
I definitely didn’t want to go there. “Julian―”
“No, we’re having this conversation because it’s bothered me my entire adult life.”
My brows shot up. “Seriously?”
“Yes, April. I’ve had attacks of guilt since I left Oakland, and every time I thought about you.”
“You thought about me?”
A sliver of pink highlighted his cheeks, and my lips parted in shock. He rubbed the back of his neck and gave me a sheepish smile.
My eyes narrowed when he said, “Once in a while…but that’s not what’s important here.”
“Oh, I think it’s very important that you think about me.” I tried to swallow my smile when he glared.
“The important thing,” he emphasized, “is that I’ve always felt bad about high school.” He shrugged. “Before that even.”
I didn’t say a word. I just studied him, and his troubled expression closely.
He wiped a hand over his face and continued, “The thing is, you have this memory of me bullying you and that’s not true. If you put aside all resentment for me and look back, really look, you’ll see that I was never the one to bully you.”
My brows drew together, and my gaze skated away from his. Deep down, I knew he was right. Maybe I saw things the way I did because I’d always been disappointed that he never saw me the way I wanted him to see me. Like a girl he could be attracted to.
“When we had our spats, I never said anything to hurt you.”
I shook my head and opened my mouth to tell him that he did hurt me. But he scooted closer, grasped my chin, and forced me to look at him. “Not intentionally. You know it’s true. It was you who viewed everything I said as insulting. Everything I’d ever said was things that I noticed about you and liked. You are a peculiar creature, and I like that about you. You stood out like a rare gem amongst all the other carbon copies who tried way too hard to fit in.” His soft laughter made my abdominal muscles clench. “And you did dress like a goddamn walking bouquet.” His voice lowered as he said, “But when did I ever tell you that was a bad thing? I thought you were adorable.”
I searched for something to say. He was right. Julian had never said anything to cut me deep like some of the other vicious kids. He’d always made comments about me that were indeed true observations. He’d always had a look in his eyes too. The same soft yet sharply assessing look he had now as his blue orbs roved over my face with...affection. I could recognize the look now. As a kid, how on earth was I supposed to know that it was a look of affection and...attraction? Tension sizzled between us when we argued but again, I couldn’t identify sexual tension back then.
Oh, my God. Had Julian always been attracted to me? Sweet Mother Earth. The revelation threw me for a loop. I liked my dry lips. “B-but you never...how come you never…”
“Why would I say anything when you hated my guts?” He chuckled and dropped his hand. “I was a stupid kid who tried to fit in with assholes. I never said anything to stop my idiot friends from…Maybe that made me a bigger asshole than them.”
“The important thing is you’re a pretty decent guy now.” I purse my lips to hide my smile. “Or I never would have slept with you.”
He lifted one brow and amusement gleamed in his eyes. “Good to know. So, we’re good?”
“Julian, in all honesty, I have no idea what we are but I’m trying to work with it.”
A moment of silence ticked by before his laughter floated around me. A deep, smooth sound that made me itch to go upstairs to his bedroom. “Oh, April,” he shook his head, “always so delightful.”
My smile emerged and blossomed. Gazing at him, I felt like something changed between us, but I wasn’t sure exactly what. I think there was a kind of silent agreement that we’d try to work with whatever was growing between us even if we failed miserably in the end. I swallowed hard at the possibility of getting hurt. That frightened part of me was ready to abort. However, the minuscule secret romantic part of me that I just decided to embrace told me to stick around for a little while.