Sierra
Chapter one
This summer has been a scorcher, but I would gladly live through it a million times over if it meant I didn’t have to return to Hillstown High for my senior year.
I’ve managed to avoid or limit my contact with anyone from school over the summer, and it’s been a blessing.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed, praying I don’t run into anyone while I’m out getting Sam her school clothes and supplies today.
Their abuse doesn’t bother me anymore. I’ve come to terms with it over the years.
Little by little, I have become numb to it.
What bothers me the most is when they do it in front of Sam.
My heart breaks every time it happens. When I won’t do anything in retaliation, I feel like she loses respect for me.
I’ve busted my ass over the summer, working as much as I possibly could without feeling like I was neglecting her or taking advantage of Mrs. Butler.
The sweet old lady has been a blessing and the only one who knows my aunt doesn’t live with us.
The day Mrs. Butler came and knocked on our door with her concerns, I broke down and collapsed into the warmth of her arms, where we sat on the tattered couch in the living room.
Instead of calling CPS, she sat with me and planned how we could make it work to keep it a secret.
We hashed out a plan for her to drop off the rent to the landlord, covering for us with a story about how it was easier with my aunt's work schedule. He didn’t care as long as he had his money.
He wasn’t the most attentive landlord, obvious from everything that needed to be repaired in the apartment.
We’ve been surviving off a fan because he still hadn’t fixed the broken window AC unit, leaving us with only one that works, which barely cooled a room.
But if rent isn't paid on time, you better believe he will be knocking on your door with a vengeance, and we don’t need him catching wind of us living here by ourselves.
“Ci Ci, are you ready yet?” Sam yells from the living room, pulling me from my rambling thoughts. Every time she calls me Ci Ci, my heart swells. When she was just learning to talk, she had trouble pronouncing my name, and it came out as Ci Ci and just stuck from there.
“Yeah, sweetie, just give me like five more minutes,” I call back as I pick my ponytail holder up off the dresser.
Staring in the mirror, I see my sea foam green eyes looking back.
I’m not sure if I even recognize myself anymore.
Raking my fingers through my golden locks, I pull my hair into my hand and wrap the elastic tie around it.
Piling it into a high, messy bun. This is the best it’s going to get.
Heading out of my bedroom, I bend down to pick up my ratty tennis shoes from the floor.
“Okay, just let me put on my shoes. Do you have the school list we got from the open house the other day?” I ask as I sit down on the couch and put on my shoes.
She pauses for a moment; her face squinching up as she thinks before she takes off running to her bedroom.
We used to share it, but when Mom passed away and I realized Aunt Sarah wasn’t going to be staying with us, I moved into her room so Sam could have more space and privacy.
“I’ll be right back. I think it’s in my room,” she calls as she runs away.
I giggle internally. There’s no way she’s gonna find it because I have it folded in my back pocket.
She was too busy catching up with her friends and finding her seat to even pick up a copy.
But I did. I opted out of going to the high school for my own open house.
I got my schedule in the mail and there wasn’t anything that needed to be changed.
The longer I could postpone stepping into that building, the better.
I would get a notebook, some pens, and pencils and that would tide me over.
There was no way I was going back there sooner than I needed to.
I had one hundred and eighty days of torture ahead of me. Why would I want to add to it?
She comes bounding back into the room, a confused look on her face, her eyes rapidly scanning the room. Should I let her off the hook, or make her suffer some more? I debate on it for a minute before finally caving.
“You didn’t lose it, Sam. I have it.” I wink as I pull the list from my pocket and hand it to her. She lets out a sigh of relief and I laugh.
“Okay, I’m dressed, you’re dressed, we have the list. I just need my wallet and the house keys.” I count off everything on my fingers, causing her to huff in exasperation, ready to leave. She’s had her eyes on these shoes, and I promised her I had saved enough money to splurge on them for her.
I never wanted her to feel like the outcast I was.
It was bad enough that we lived where we did, and she couldn’t invite friends over for fear of them mentioning there wasn’t an adult here.
The least I could do was make sure she had nice clothes, like all the other kids.
She races over to the kitchen table and picks up both before bounding toward the door, sending me into a fit of giggles.
“I guess we’re ready,” I tell her as I stand, making my way over to her and taking both my wallet and keys from her.
“School shopping, here we come,” she sings excitedly and we head down the hallway. “Can we get pizza tonight, too?” She clasps her hands together, holding them under her chin as she pouts, begging me.
God, this is the part I hate. “Let’s see what’s left over when we’re done shopping.
We need to run upstairs real quick to see if Mrs. Butler needs anything while we’re out.
” I hate how her face drops with my answer.
Maybe I can call Rico and pick up an extra shift at the club, I debate as we head up the stairs.
Sam is quicker than me and is already knocking on the door when I step onto the landing of the fourth floor. She’s so excited she doesn’t realize that she’s being annoying with the knock; it sounds like a cop beating on the door of someone they're looking to arrest.
“Sam. Stop!” I frantically tell her, not wanting to upset Mrs. Butler or risk her having a fall trying to rush to the door. Just as the words are out of my mouth, I see it open as Mrs. Butler steps out, a big grin on her face.
“Today must be your school shopping day. My, we’re excited.” Reaching down, she let her hand rub across the top of Sam’s head before tugging on one of her pigtails.
“It is, and Ci Ci said I could get the shoes I’ve been wanting.” She excitedly bounces up and down on the balls of her feet.
“Well, isn’t she a generous sister? But if you’re going shopping, what are you doing here?” She looks up at me, a confused look on her face.
“I just wanted to check if you needed anything while we were out?”
“That’s so sweet of you. If you don’t mind, I ran out of coffee and creamer this morning. If it's not too much trouble, and you don’t mind, could you get me some more?” She turns to head back into the house, but I reach out and gently grasp her by the arm, stopping her in her tracks.
“I got it.”
“Sierra…” she starts, but I quickly interrupt her.
“No, you wouldn’t take anything for keeping Sam this week. I’ve got it.” I know she did it to make sure I didn’t have to dip into the money I saved. I have been saving a little at a time over the summer to help pay bills once school starts back, so I won’t have to work as much.
I know by the look in her eyes she wants to tell me no, that the situation I’m in breaks her heart. I’ve seen the looks of sadness on her face. But I never want her to feel like she’s being taken advantage of. She will never know how much I appreciate her.
“Thank you.” She nods and smiles sadly, before looking back at Sam. “Now, when you get back, make sure to come up and show me what you bought today, especially those shoes you’ve been telling me about.”
“I will!” Sam hollers as she turns and runs down the stairs.
“Well, I better go before she gets too impatient and runs out into the street,” I say, only half joking.
“As excited as she is, I don’t think she will wait long. Sierra, make sure you get what you need too, and if you need any help with anything, just ask.”
Nodding, I turn and rush toward the stairs, trying not to break down in front of her. If only my aunt, the person who should be taking care of us, had a quarter of the compassion she did, we wouldn’t be struggling the way we are.
The day had gone off without a hitch so far, but our last stop was the one I was dreading the most. The shoe store was in the mall and the probability I’d run into someone from the school increased by a hundred percent.
I come to a dead stop before walking through the doors, causing Sam to stumble backward since I still had her hand firmly gripped in mine. She gives me an evil glare as she drops my hand and reaches down to pick up the bag she dropped on the ground.
“Sam, I’m sorry. I just need to talk to you real quick, okay?”
“Fine.” She crosses her arms over her chest and juts her hip out with so much sass.
“In and out. We’re not hanging around here today. We get the shoes and leave, and if you do that for me without any complaints, I’ll get you some pizza.” I’m hoping the offer of food will bribe her.
“Thought you said we couldn’t afford it?” Fuck, she’s a little smartass.
“I’m going to call Rico for an extra shift this week.”
“But you already work so much, sissy. I don’t need pizza. I can eat what’s at home.” She hates that I have to work so much and haven’t been spending a lot of time at home lately.
“No, I want some pizza too, and it's okay. I promise I’m cutting back on work. That's why I’ve been working so much, so I can slow down once school starts,” I say, trying to convince her.
“Are you sure, Ci Ci?” she asks quietly, looking down at the ground.