Chapter 21 The Past
THE PAST
AMELIA’S brEAKING POINT
The car that carried Lillian’s corpse faded into a distant speck on the horizon. It felt surreal to remember the texture of her lifeless flesh against my fingers, the acrid scent of her decomposing bones still lingering in my mind.
She was just a sorrowful memory now.
The pavement beneath me felt harsh. I had lost all sense of time as I sat in front of the apartment building, grief anchoring me to my spot, rendering reality ungraspable.
The tears had dried up, leaving my face stinging and throbbing. Puffy redness fanned across my cheeks, a testament to the melancholia swirling around me like a swarm of venomous insects, suffocating and debilitating.
Once the shock settled and fluttered away like a startled bird, I forced myself to stand. My knees wobbled, and I stumbled backward, nearly losing my balance. A woman passing by stopped, her eyes wide with curiosity and concern.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
I nodded, dismissing her with a wave of my hand, struggling to find my voice. “I just lost someone,” I muttered, shaking my head as if trying to dislodge the memory of my dead sister.
“I’m so sorry,” the woman said, placing her hand gently on my shoulder. I recoiled from her touch, the warmth of it sending a shiver down my spine, and I jogged to my car.
“I need to leave,” I screeched hastily, desperation clawing at my throat.
The drive home resembled a frantic escape, a woman unhinged. I swerved across lanes, cutting off other drivers without a second thought. Honks blared around me, but they faded into the background; I was consumed by an urgent need to escape.
When I finally parked in the driveway, I dashed inside and slammed the door behind me. The house was cloaked in darkness, the ebony shades of shadow rattling my already frayed nerves.
I collapsed onto the dusty floor, burying my head in my hands as tremors shook my body.
The crushing silence was deafening, and I couldn’t bear it any longer. I screamed, a raw, primal cry that echoed through the walls, tearing at my throat. I screamed until my vocal cords felt ragged and dry.
Footsteps approached, and suddenly, I was not alone anymore. I looked up through bleary eyes to see my mother standing above me, a frown etched on her face, hands on her hips.
“What are you screaming for? You’re disturbing me!” she snapped, annoyance blazing in her eyes.
I sprang to my feet, anger flaring within me. “Oh? I’m disturbing you? So sorry, Mother!” I shrieked; my voice laced with mockery and indifference. “You should know that Lillian is dead! She’s dead, and she’s not coming back!”
My voice trembled, and that tightness returned to my throat. I swallowed hard, but it only pushed the anguish further up, threatening to spill over.
She froze, blinking in disbelief. “What?”
I scoffed, the bitterness rising within me. She was probably too lost in her haze to even comprehend what I was saying. A dark part of me wondered if she would be sober enough to attend the funeral.
“Lillian is dead. She killed herself because of how alone she felt. So, thanks a lot, Mom. Thanks for kicking her out when she needed you the most!”
“Oh gracious,” she murmured, holding her head as if to steady herself. She staggered back, her balance wavering.
I crossed my arms, glaring at her with venomous intensity. It was her fault. All her fault. Someone had to take the blame; someone had to face the wrath.
“Are you sure she’s gone?” My mother’s voice was a whisper, her pupils darting around, her focus slipping away.
“Yes, I’m sure. I found her body.”
“It couldn’t be,” she mumbled, her words not directed at me but rather lost in the labyrinth of her own mind. Tugging at her hair, she wandered off toward her room, trapped within her muddled thoughts.
Through the walls, I could hear wailing, distant and pained, like a wounded animal. I couldn’t bear to stay there any longer.
The house felt like it was spinning, Lillian’s room too close for comfort, memories pressing in around me like a suffocating fog.
Before I could think clearly, my feet darted out the door. I ran until my lungs burned, until I reached the edge of the neighborhood by the woods.
A nauseating sensation twisted in my stomach, and I doubled over, retching onto the pavement. My body shuddered; my thoughts raced uncontrollably, a feral creature intent on tearing me apart.
Nobody could be trusted. Nothing felt safe anymore. The world around me felt barren and icy, dark and isolated, clawing at my ashen face.
Despite the grief that drained my energy, I continued to run.
My legs carried me deeper into the woods, twigs snapping beneath my feet as bushes snagged at my clothes, nearly tripping me with each frantic step.
My head throbbed from the branches scraping against my scalp, but I pressed on, each breath a desperate gasp.
Eventually, I stumbled upon the park, just beyond the tree line. I collapsed onto the grass, laying there as my chest heaved. My glazed eyes stared blankly at the colorless sky, the world around me fading into silence.
I closed my eyes, longing to slip away from the weight of it all.
A voice pulled me from my deadened trance.
“Amelia? What are you doing?”
I opened my eyes slowly. The voice was familiar. After a few seconds, it registered in my mind.
I sat up and squinted against the glaring sun. “Hi, Dante.” My voice came out raspy and weak.
He knelt in front of me, lifting my chin gently with his fingers, forcing me to meet his concerned gaze. A single tear fell down my pallid cheek, and I could see the concern etched on his face.
“What happened?” His voice was soothing, wrapping around me like a comforting embrace. It was intoxicating, a blissful dreamscape amid my turmoil.
“My sister is gone. Forever.” The words felt foreign on my tongue. I had never imagined I would be speaking such a painful truth so soon in my life. Was this a nightmare? If only I could wake up.
“Gone?” His voice trailed off, but I could see the understanding glimmer in his eyes. He wasn’t naive.
“Dead,” I stated bitterly, unwilling to elaborate further.
“Amelia. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take your pain away.” His somber tone matched the air around us. Grief hung like an infection, quietly spreading, infecting everything.
He rubbed my arm comfortingly, and this time, I didn’t pull away. I let his touch envelop me, not stinging or repulsive, but rather a soothing balm amidst the chaos. But it wouldn’t bring my sister back.
Before I could fully absorb the moment, a voice erupted nearby, shattering the fragile calm.
“Uh oh,” Dante muttered, standing abruptly, as if caught in a forbidden act.
My entire body ached as I attempted to rise, screaming at me to collapse back down, to give in to the exhaustion. A new presence loomed beside us, and I turned my gaze toward it. Hues of red ignited within my vision, my veins pulsating with anger.
Caiden had found me. And I was ready to unleash hell upon him.
Immediately, I became possessed by someone else, a different version of myself. One that was bloodthirsty, vengeful, and consumed by hatred.
It was a persona I had always feared would rise from the shadows, and now it surged forward, raw and unrelenting.
“You killed her!” My face twisted into a monstrous mask, contorted by grief and rage. I lunged toward him, ready to unleash my fury.
But then a set of arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me back with a strength that felt futile against the tempest inside me.
“Amelia! It’s not worth it,” Dante murmured, his voice steady yet strained as he tried to restrain me.
It was pointless, like attempting to hold back a tornado. I summoned the strength of a thousand suns, tearing away from his muscular grip, desperate to confront the source of my pain.
Caiden stood frozen, eyes wide, as if he had stumbled into a scene from a nightmare.
Before he could formulate a response, I closed the distance and slapped him hard across the face. The heat radiating from my skin felt like a toxic gas, a volatile mixture of anger and sorrow.
“What’s the matter, Caiden? Are you suddenly powerless to speak?” My voice reverberated through the dimming park, an echo of anguish that pierced the stillness.
My eyes blazed with a furious intensity, shooting daggers into the man who had played a role in my sister's demise.
He merely flinched, stumbling back in shock, likely taken aback by my unexpected aggression.
I had never been the type to resort to violence, but something sinister clawed at the edges of my mind, desperate to break free.
The weight of the past months pressed down on me like an unbearable burden, snapping the fragile thread that held my sanity intact.
I was unraveling, a beast driven by an insatiable hunger for retribution.
“What the fuck was that for?” His eyes darkened, almost predatory, and he took a hesitant step forward. I could not predict his next move.
“Lillian is dead! She fucking killed herself because of you!” My body trembled like a fault line, the earthquake of my grief sending violent shakes through my veins.
All the pain I had bottled up surged forth, a molten flow of emotion, threatening to consume me.
The silence stretched between us, laced with the poison of my words. Caiden’s face shifted. Was it shock? Pity? Concern? I couldn’t tell. Did he feel any remorse for the loss of my sister, or was he too far gone to care?
“Sorry to hear, but that’s not my problem,” he muttered, his gaze shifting away from me, as if my suffering were an inconvenience he could dismiss.
“Are you serious? It’s absolutely your problem! If you hadn’t impregnated her, none of this would have happened! You are a monster!” My voice rose, merging with the wind that whipped around us, its chill biting at my exposed skin.
Tears streamed down my face, but the anger surged higher, pushing the sadness into the recesses of my mind, locked away for a later time.