Chapter 32 The Present
THE PRESENT
AMELIA
I saw my dead sister today.
We were wandering through the suffocating thickness of the woodland, shadows creeping closer as dusk settled in. A shape flickered at the edge of my vision.
Lillian stood there, hauntingly familiar yet engulfed in an emptiness that sent chills down my spine. I waited for her to speak, but the only sound was the lamentable tone of silence, echoing in the stillness between us.
My insides swarmed, churning with a mix of longing and despair, while the outside of my body remained frozen in place. I couldn’t pry my eyes away from her face, so desperately familiar.
When I finally turned to Caiden, my voice trembled with fear. “Do you see her? Lillian? She’s right there.”
His expression shifted, confusion clouding his features. He looked at me as if I had slipped into madness.
Maybe I had.
That was hours ago, and her face still danced around in my mind, a haunting specter, killing me quietly.
I caught Caiden’s eyes darting around, and I wondered if he was hallucinating too.
We hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days. A human could only go for so long without food before the body began to shut down, and I felt myself teetering on that precipice.
The trees loomed like ominous shadows, their gnarled branches clawing at the sky. Every rustle sent waves of panic surging through me, as if danger lurked in every corner, waiting to pounce.
I felt the shadows of the past prowling around me, a blend of reality and fractured fragments of my mind, leaving me struggling to discern what was real.
Time stretched into an eternity as we wandered this wilderness. I could feel myself collapsing in on itself, deteriorating slowly. Agony filled my senses; I could hardly focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
Smack.
I found myself face down in the damp earth, my limbs were sprawled like a weary corpse. It felt as if someone had amputated my legs, and I momentarily wondered if I still possessed them.
Caiden must have realized I was no longer behind him, as two pairs of legs filled my blurred vision.
“What happened?” He knelt beside me, irritation flaring in his eyes as if my falling had inconvenienced him.
“I fell,” I managed to croak, a hint of defiance creeping into my voice.
He scoffed, his tone sharp. “I can see that. Did you trip over something? I don’t see anything.”
Did I trip? The dissociative haze had made a nest within my head, everything swirling into a confusing blur. I knew I had been walking, but my legs felt like lead weights, dragging me down.
“I think I just fell. From exhaustion.”
Caiden huffed, and I couldn’t help but wonder how he was still standing, still going.
Mentally, I had given up hours ago. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. When I thought about returning to civilization, I envisioned myself in a body bag, buried beneath the ground.
“Yeah, I’m exhausted too. We really need to find food,” he said, frustration lacing his words.
I pulled my dirt-covered face up to peer at him, and the sight of his hollow expression sent a shiver down my spine. His brown eyes, usually warm, now appeared deadened.
Golden hues eclipsed by dread.
“Good luck with that.” I murmured tiredly, letting my head fall back against the cool earth. A steep heaviness weighed down my eyelids, and I closed my eyes, welcoming the darkness.
“Dammit,” he whispered angrily to himself. “You stay here. I’ll find something edible.”
I didn’t bother responding; I wasn’t planning to go anywhere. I lay there, completely limp, as time stood still beneath the canopy of trees.
A few times, I thought I heard my name. A distant rumble of footsteps sprinting toward me. When I lifted my head to see if Caiden had returned, I found the surroundings empty, leaving me enveloped in solitude.
The silence was terrifying.
If I listened closely, I could hear the blood rushing through my veins, the air shifting in my lungs with every shaky breath. I could hear the pulsating beat of my heart, echoing like a drum in the stillness.
While lying there, I imagined sinister shadow figures creeping toward me. Their faces twisted and ghastly, long black arms reaching out to pull me into the beyond. Whispers in the wind called to me, coaxing me to follow and wander deeper into the abyss.
I wanted to follow. Almost.
Each hour that passed, the hunger in my stomach dissolved. There was no pang anymore, only a suffocating numbness.
The hope of Caiden’s return slowly scattered, and I wondered how many more days it would take until I rotted into the ground.
I turned over onto my back and stared at the dense shade of trees above, a glimpse of sky barely visible through the leaves. Once peaceful, the solitude now felt like a menacing presence, embracing me like a ravenous demon.
“Amelia.”
A voice emerged, almost like a devious growl.
My head barely rolled to the side, and I saw Caiden’s blurry form approaching. He’d come back?
Before I could speak, he suddenly kneeled next to me. A poisonous look painted over his dark orbs. If he were a creature, it would have appeared he was snarling at me.
“You’re so useless. Just lying here while I try and feed us.”
“What?” I croaked, taken aback by his sudden fury.
“Poor, sad Amelia. Always so helpless. It should’ve been you that died. Not your sister.”
There weren’t any words that left my mouth. All I could do was stare. My heart pounding as if it were galloping in a race.
“You’re not going to say anything, huh? Fine. Maybe I’ll finally get some peace without having to hear the sound of your annoying voice. I should just leave you here, let you waste away and be eaten by the wild animals, you never mattered while being alive, so your death won’t either.”
His words poured out like thunder, surrounding me like a snake curled around prey.
I didn’t even realize I was screaming.
“Stop it! Just leave me alone. Please!” My hands were clawing at my skin while tears gushed down my face, mixing with the dirt that coated my face. Screams rushed out, deafening and terrified.
“Amelia! Jesus. Calm down. You’re scaring me.”
Two hands made their way around my wrist, halting the flesh scratching and hair pulling. I tried to yank away but the pair of hands were too strong.
My screams eventually stopped. Yet, my body still trembled as if an earthquake was forcing its way through my rattled bones.
I opened my eyes and peered into Caiden’s concerned face. His eyes were no longer demonic. He looked normal again.
“Why would you say those things to me?” I whimpered, looking down at the soil which I sat upon.
“What did I say? I came back and you were screaming.” His eyes were wide as he interrogated me.
“You said you wanted me to die. Just now.”
Confusion was laced throughout his tone. “I didn’t say anything about you dying. Like I said, I came back a second ago and you were screaming. Telling an imaginary person to leave you alone.”
Now I was confused. Did I imagine that? I must have. “I think I need food. And sleep. My mind must be playing tricks on me,” I murmured.
“Yeah. You looked like a crazy person. Good thing I brought something back.”
If I had energy, I would have recoiled at his comment and bitten back. But there was nothing left, and I probably did just look like someone who had gone insane.
“I thought you weren’t going to come back.” I whispered defeatedly.
He stood up. “You didn’t think I would catch something? I was in the military, I know how to do that.”
I shook my head. “No. I thought you weren’t coming back at all.”
Caiden was quiet for a few moments, I thought he was not going to respond. Until he did. “I’m not going to leave you alone out here. As much as you irritate me, I’m not going to allow another thing to be on my guilty conscience.”
A half-smile made its way across my lips. It was faint, but it was there. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
He chuckled softly.
Once I stood up, he showed me the creature that he found and cooked. Caiden explained that the reason it took so long was because he started his own fire and cooked it before he brought it back.
He wanted me to be able to eat it right away. He also had some for himself before he returned.
The thought that he did something out of pure kindness was enough to warm my heart a little. He was still Caiden, my enemy, but just for today I wanted to pretend that he wasn’t. I wanted to believe that we weren’t enemies.
But we were, and we weren’t ourselves out here. We were surviving, even if it meant being something other than hateful rivals for a while. Our stomachs were empty; our minds were on the brink of the abyss.
The warmth on my heart scattered, swallowed by frost.
We spent the rest of that day in a cavernous silence, each of us peering into the bruised wilderness as if it might cough up something human.
The faint comfort I’d felt after eating faded fast, replaced by a cold distaste for what I’d swallowed, as if the meat were a violation more than a mercy. Maybe it was. The taste haunted my breath and burrowed in my stomach, refusing to dissolve.
Caiden’s mood curdled. He walked ahead, chin tucked, eyes narrow and glassy.
I imagined him replaying my accusations, rehearsing angry retorts, or maybe just counting the hours until we could stop pretending there was any alliance between us.
I wanted to hate him so badly, to let the old, reliable loathing fill me up and crowd out everything else, but it felt dulled, worn out by shock and hunger and the endless horizon of trees.
I just watched his back, the rigid lines of his spine, and wondered what it would feel like to be alone out here with nobody left to despise.
We slept that night in a shallow depression, curled back-to-back like animals, our bodies pressed close against the bitter cold but each of us holding court with our own nightmares.