Chapter 49 The Present
THE PRESENT
AMELIA
A tumultuous storm brewed inside of me, colors crashing and merging into a frenzied maelstrom.
My adolescent instinct screamed for flight, to break free from this raw moment of his unexpected vulnerability.
This was Caiden, tangled in the web of my longstanding resentments, struggling under the unanticipated weight of his candor.
Yet, beneath the layers of past grievances, a warmth simmered from his revelation, a shared darkness binding us. We were reflections of each other, shadows cloaked in trauma, anger, and guilt.
Our parents, lost to the relentless grip of addiction, had carved out destructive paths we seemed doomed to tread.
We faced each other stripped of defenses, laid bare in this icy prison of despair. Confronting our inner demons, we grappled with the cruel fate that had ensnared us.
But as the morbid darkness pressed in, my mind teetered on the brink of collapse. I clung desperately to a fragile glimmer of hope, flickering like a candle on the verge of extinction.
My thoughts ricocheted wildly around Caiden.
He’s deceiving me. He’s toying with my sanity. He’s vile. He’s my adversary. Don’t trust him.
The cacophony of frantic whispers assailed me, each one a merciless echo driving me ever closer to the precipice of madness.
“Caiden?” My voice trembled, a desperate plea for clarity amidst the chaos. I needed something to halt this insanity, to ground me back in reality.
“What?” His response fell flat, different from the raw openness that had engulfed him just moments before.
“Um, I was wondering about something you said before we were captured. Did you mean what you said about wishing you would have left me for dead?” I held my breath as I waited.
The silence stretched before his response, an agonizing wait that felt like stepping onto flaming coals. My heart pounded with each second that passed.
“No, I didn’t mean it. I was mad.” He confessed.
“Okay. That’s good,” I uttered pathetically, a fragile relief tinged with regret.
Here I was, longing for him to open his heart again, to wrap me in feathers of solace.
This weakened state had shifted my perception of Caiden, igniting a craving for his compassion and companionship.
Yet, his demeanor had hardened once more, the subtle shift in his posture and the tightening of his jaw betraying the internal struggle he battled.
It felt as though he read my mind with what he said next.
“Doesn’t mean anything. I can’t allow myself to give in to this fucking yearning that I’ve carried beneath all the anger and hatred.”
Caiden sat in the shadows of the cage as he snapped at me, a sudden anger tearing through his voice.
“Yearning?” I whispered, fear coiling tightly in my chest as I awaited his answer.
“Yes. Yearning for you. My father made me hate you. But before that, I craved you.” Shock coursed through me as his words tumbled out, lathered with anger.
“Fuck!” Caiden snarled, smacking the barrier with his hand.
My body shrank back from the force of his blow against the glass. He held his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut, the muscles in his arms flexing and tensing.
He was a broken shell of a man, grappling with demons that clawed at him like a ravenous beast.
“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. What could one say to that? Caiden, who had tormented me for years, had just confessed to an intimidating and forbidden truth.
“What the fuck are you sorry for? I’m the piece of shit here. I fucking hate myself, and I always will. All I wanted for all those years was for you to hate me too, so I could feel less guilty about my behavior.”
Caiden snarled and he smacked the barrier again, the violent force sent a fearful tremor through my body
“You felt guilty?” I had always viewed Caiden as a cruel monster, devoid of remorse, much like our kidnapper. Along the way, I had forgotten that he was human too, battling his own hell.
“I did at first. But over the years, bullying you became too easy, and I started to enjoy it. I buried that guilt and pity so deep that it evaporated.” He turned away, staring into the darkness, avoiding my gaze.
A spark of anger ignited within me, hot and sudden, as I recalled who I was speaking with. I couldn’t let his muddled words cloud my thoughts.
He was Caiden.
I hated him. He hated me.
The chilling confession that he had enjoyed making my life miserable snaked around me, its icy grip constricting my breath as my heart pounded in my ears.
It made me forget the softened feelings I had been having for him in this cage, and suddenly, he was the boy who bullied me again.
“Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you can bully me to the point of crushing my soul and make it up with some goddamn confessions that probably aren’t even true? How fucking pathetic.” The words surged out of me, and I reveled in the rush of adrenaline.
I needed that release.
“No, I know I can’t make it up. I just thought I’d be honest before we die.” Caiden spoke in such a hopeless way, and it terrified me.
“I thought you said we would make it out of here?”
He shook his head, anger radiating off his body like heat from a flame. “You were right about me. I’m a fucking coward. I’m tough and confident on the outside, but I’m no use to you. You need to save yourself, Amelia.”
“Fuck you, Caiden. Fuck you for making me feel small and weak, for giving me hope only to yank it away and abandon me completely. If you’re going to give up, then that’s reason enough for me to fight because we can’t both sit here and wither until that sadistic fucker kills us. This is not how I want to die.”
“Whatever,” Caiden murmured, refusing to meet my gaze. He had retreated further away, isolating himself until I was left alone with the darkness once again.
He was lost in his own madness, and I was close behind.