Chapter 4
AMELIA
My eyes were heavy and haunted recently. I made it a habit to read the journal every night. Filling my head with Blake’s darkness. I should be doing something to deal with this trauma, but I was at a loss for what to do.
Caiden was the only person who endured it with me, but talking to him was impossible. Some days he could be kind, other days he snapped at me easily, brushing me off carelessly.
The kiss we shared felt incredibly surreal, like a hazy dream from a distant past, causing me to wonder if it had perhaps all been a hallucination.
I loved it, but I hated it.
The girl inside of me who grew up with Caiden the bully hated myself for kissing him or even having desirable thoughts about him. Could I forgive him so easily? I couldn’t.
There was something irresistible about him, though. His vulnerability and pain spoke volumes to me. The tension around us lately was suffocating.
His possessive gazes and his brown eyes that melted my insides.
But Alex was sweet. Alex was pure. I liked Alex. It gave me a sick satisfaction to see Caiden squirm every time Alex got comfortable with me.
Today, though, I would focus on what I have planned.
A captivating brightness filled the air as the sun shone, its golden light sparkling on the dew-covered leaves. It was early autumn, and while a crispness hung in the air, the sun still shone with the warmth of summer.
Sabrina had mentioned going on a beach trip while the weather was still nice.
I stepped out of my vehicle and stood in the parking lot of a local restaurant. Alex and I were meeting for lunch.
The bell above the door jingled as I entered, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling meat was a welcome distraction. Alex was already there, a bright smile illuminating his face.
He waved me over, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and for a moment, the weight on my shoulders eased.
The casual conversation flowed easily, laced by laughter, and I found myself genuinely enjoying his company.
“This food is delicious.”
My stomach hummed with joy as I ate the plate of chicken and pasta.
Alex chuckled, watching me with amusement dancing in his eyes.
“Yeah, I love this place. It’s a nice gem. I can also appreciate a girl who will scarf down pasta.”
I shrugged, twirling my fork in the food. “I’m still trying to put weight back on after starving for days, I suppose.”
He nodded, a kind softness in his eyes. “I think you look great. That must’ve been tough, though. Shane told me some about it.”
An uncomfortable weight pressed down onto me as I responded. “Yeah, but I survived thankfully. Anyways, it’s nice that we have been hanging out more. It makes me feel good.”
He smiled, a genuine warmth radiating from him.
"Me too," he said, his gaze lingering for a moment before he reached for his coffee cup. “Not sure why the four of us weren’t hanging out much before. It’s nice that it has given me an opportunity to chat more often. Although I was more of Shane’s friend for a while before we all started hanging out. ”
“That makes sense. I think they’re also trying to make me feel less damaged by orchestrating gatherings and activities to give me some sort of normalcy.”
His expression became serious. “You’re not damaged, not to me. But, whatever the reason, I’m thankful because I do like you.”
A blush crept onto my cheeks. The quiet hum of the cafe faded into the background as his words hung in the air, clear and sincere.
I looked down at my almost-empty plate, suddenly self-conscious under his gaze. "Thank you, Alex," I whispered, finally meeting his eyes, a hesitant smile playing on my lips.
The bell above the door jingled again, announcing another customer, but neither of us looked as we sat in each other’s comforting company.
“So, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?” He asked.
“I need to work on some writing projects that I have due. I think I mentioned that I’m a content writer. After that, I might try and paint. Unravel some things I’ve been dealing with.”
“You do art? That’s awesome. I did some myself back in school and in my free time. Haven’t done it much anymore.”
I smiled, grateful that we had some things in common. “Cool. It’s a nice hobby. I don’t do it much anymore either, but the skill never goes away. Kind of like riding a bicycle.”
He chuckled, a low rumble in his chest. "Speaking of bicycles, maybe we could go for a ride sometime? There's a great trail near the river."
My smile widened. The idea of a simple, carefree bike ride felt like a perfect break from reality. "I'd like that," I replied, the words feeling lighter than air.
We finished up our meal and stood up. Alex, being the gentleman that he was, offered to pay.
“So, I have to ask, was this a date?” My voice held a playful rhythm as I asked the question.
He grinned, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Was it? I'm leaving that up to your interpretation."
A playful chase ensued as we exited the café, the afternoon sun warming our faces.
The drive back home was peaceful, a gentle breeze caressing my face as I drove with the window down, embracing the brief moments of tranquility.
As the day wore on, a sense of calm settled in, and I found myself slowly re-acclimating to the familiar normalcy of my life. Doing chores around the house, writing, more chores, pathetic attempts at self-care.
Instead of reading the journal of death and darkness, I chose to escape into a romance book.
Daylight faded into dusk, and a hush fell over the landscape as the hours passed. I contemplated going to bed early, despite it only being eight o’clock.
The silence was shattered by a sudden, violent pounding on the front door, nearly making me leap out of my skin.
I checked my phone. Nobody had alerted me of coming over, so paranoia swept through my thoughts as I crept towards the door.
Peeking through the hole, I was startled to see Caiden on the doorstep.
Fuck.
I opened the door and stood in front of him, crossing my arms. “What in the hell are you doing?”
I opened the door, and the heavy scent of alcohol, a heady blend of bourbon and something sickly sweet, immediately filled my nostrils. He stood there, a subtle sway to his posture, his dark eyes boring into me, and a radiating tension filled the air.
“I wanted to see you,” he grumbled.
I raised an eyebrow. “You couldn’t call or text first?”
“No. I couldn’t sit in that basement any longer. But, I didn’t want to sit with Sabrina and Shane being drunk and miserable, so I made the decision to drive here.”
Caiden swayed as he spoke, desperation laced his words.
"You drove here drunk?" I asked, my voice sharper than I intended.
"Look, I know I shouldn't have, but I needed to talk to you.”
Caiden stumbled slightly, catching himself on the door frame. The sickly-sweet smell intensified.
My apprehension morphed into something else, a prickle of worry mixed with the familiar pull of concern I always seemed to feel around him. "Come in," I sighed, already regretting the words.
He grinned, a flash of white teeth in the dim light, and stepped inside, nearly knocking over a small table in his unsteady progress.
He shrugged off his jacket, a rumpled leather thing, and tossed it onto the sofa. "Thanks," he mumbled, his voice was thick with the alcohol.
I watched him, a knot tightening in my stomach.
He collapsed onto the couch with a groan, his head lolling against the cushions. I fetched a glass of water, the ice clinking against the cup.
Hesitantly, I sat beside him, the leather of the couch cool against my skin. His hair was disheveled, stray strands falling across his forehead. He looked vulnerable, almost childlike in his drunken state, and the anger I’d felt earlier began to dissipate.
He really was a mess.
A part of me, though, felt scared. Whenever I would be around him in the past during his drunk episodes, he would act like a vicious beast.
I scooted away and eventually stood up, following the instinctual reflex of getting as far away from him as possible.
“Where are you going?” His voice interrupted my escape. My heart beat a little fast, thrown into flashbacks of teenage years.
“I’m just giving you some space. I’m not really sure what to expect.” My voice was small, and it gave away my fear towards him.
“You’re scared.”
“I don’t know what to feel. Every time I’m around you when you’re drunk, something bad happens,” I reminded him, standing a few feet away from him, but ready to bolt if needed. “I didn’t expect to see you like this.”
“I know, I’m a piece of shit, always dragging you down in the mud with me. I’ve been trying not to drink, but being fucking kidnapped together by some psycho and seeing my mom has taken a toll on me.”
Caiden was sitting up now, no longer on the brink of passing out, his anger fueling his energy.
“I can see that.”
“I’m so fucking lost. We’ve been rescued for weeks now, and I still feel lost, like I don’t know which direction to take. I’m seeing a damn therapist, and I’m still confused.” A jumble of words escaped his mouth, accompanied by slurring.
“I know what you mean. Being back is a lot to handle.” I thought about his words. “Why are you so confused?”
He looked at me, a dark heat simmering between us, his eyes clouded with uncertainty as he confessed, “Everything. Especially you.”
“Me?” My voice raised, and my fear dwindled for a moment. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Caiden. You’re the one being hot and cold. I like Alex. I had a nice time with him today, and frankly, you are intruding on the peaceful night I was having.”
The words barely left my mouth before Caiden abruptly stood from the couch, his movements were angry as he stalked towards me. I instinctively shrank back, but he cornered me against the wall.
The scent of liquor was overpowering.
His height intimidated me, and the furious scowl etched onto his face, coupled with the icy glint in his eyes, spoke volumes. I quivered underneath his gaze.