Chapter 19
CAIDEN
Since our steamy encounter in my room, Amelia couldn't meet my gaze. That hurt like hell.
We didn't have sex; neither of us would let it go that far, but I sensed her internal conflict.
After she climaxed on my fingers, she pushed me away and fled, as if I were a dangerous beast.
Like always.
I shouldn’t have corrupted her. I should have walked away, but she looked so damn irresistible standing there with those alluring eyes, igniting a furious storm within me.
A stinging throb pounded in my chest, echoing my raging blood when I remembered how she interrogated me about Sydney.
Yet, a raw craving warred with the anger. I could only picture the feel of her body against the rough plaster of the wall, the heat of her skin against mine, the misted, desperate seduction in her eyes as I possessed her, watching her unravel was tantalizing torment.
My fists clenched. I stalked to the window. Rain lashed against the glass, mirroring the tempest inside me. I was a predator unleashed. Amelia's face, a haunting vision, spurred me on.
“You’ve betrayed me, son. How could you betray me by lusting after Judy’s daughter?”
A raspy whisper in my ear. I spun around. Eyes wide, heart beating faster than the pace of the rain.
The room was empty, and silence swam. Yet the ghost of my father's voice lingered. A low, gravelly echo. Or was it merely my own mind, a bitter taste of shame coating my mind?
“Leave me the fuck alone.” I snapped, my words hanging unheard in the air.
Your job is to make her miserable, not pleasure her.
The voice appeared again, pulling me into its hypnotic tune. I shook my head, shut my eyes, and prayed it would leave my head.
Would I ever be free?
The monster crawled out of its dark cave, inching up my body, clawing at my insides. Its shadow was stronger than the little boy inside of me who desperately craved to be loved, yearning to love the one soul who was just beyond my grasp, eternally chasing, never reaching.
The rain continued its relentless assault, mirroring the internal battle raging within me. Father's voice, a phantom limb of guilt, pulsed in my ears, a constant, low thrum against the silence.
I wanted Amelia, desperately, a primal need that clawed at my sanity, but the condemnation, his condemnation, was a heavy anchor, dragging me down into the murky depths of self-loathing.
My reflection in the rain-streaked glass was a stranger, a predator cloaked in self-destruction. The boy whispered promises of escape, of a future where Amelia's touch wasn't a wrongdoing, but a solace.
But the monster roared louder. I was trapped, caught between the desperate yearning for connection and the crushing curse of inherited darkness.
A sob escaped, a ragged sound lost in the tempestuous downpour. I stumbled towards the bed, the rough fabric a cold comfort against my feverish skin.
Sleep offered no escape, only a shifting landscape of fractured memories and whispered accusations. Amelia’s face, blurred and distorted, haunted the edges of my vision.
The monster, now a familiar companion, slithered closer, its icy breath a promise of eternal damnation.
Moonlight warped into daylight, yet I was bedridden, consumed with a paralyzing anger and the power of yearning, drifting in the waves of sorrow.
My thoughts took me to a time before the hatred fell over me like a shadowed guardian, before I had buried these feelings so deep to where they vanished.
Ever since my mother left a year and a half ago, my father had become a dark force in my life. He would drink, yell, drink some more, stumble about, slur, then pass out.
My home, once a sanctuary, had become a mausoleum, layered with my weeping heart and his terrifying rage. My favorite part of the day was going to the park, always in the evening, because that was the time of day she would be there.
Amelia. The thought of her face calmed my terror. She was sweet and innocent, her smile always warmed my sadness. Though I could tell she was sad too.
My father said bad things about her and her mother, but I didn’t want to believe it. She was a light in my life, one which I coddled delicately like a precious hummingbird, easily frightened away.
Once I made it to the park, I immediately spotted her hair, almost golden, amongst the setting sun. I’ve seen her around school, though we hadn’t spoken much except for a few moments, but I enjoyed watching her.
She was a butterfly, and I yearned to catch her, to bring her close and inhale her captivating beauty.
Amelia sat on the swing, its chains groaning slowly. Her feet were scraping the ground as she rocked back and forth. Possessed a sudden need for companionship, I wandered towards her.
Hesitantly, I approached the rusty swing set, creaking a symphony of my anxious heartbeat. The setting sun painted the park in hues of orange and purple, casting long shadows that danced around us.
"Hi," I managed, my voice barely a whisper, swallowed by the evening's hush. She looked up, her golden hair catching the last rays of light, and a hesitant smile touched her lips.
"Hello," she began, her eyes curious, "I know you from school, right?"
My eyes swallowed hers. “Yeah, we met before. I’m Caiden.”
I sat on the swing beside her, matching her slow rhythm.
We talked for what felt like hours, the swing set our silent witness. She spoke of her mother, her voice laced with a sadness that mirrored my own, a shared secret whispered on the twilight breeze.
I didn’t dare to speak about my father. So, I let her take the lead.
For a while, the world shrank to just the two of us, bathed in the fading light, the sounds of the town a distant hum.
At school, I felt as if I were an outcast floating in the breeze. But with her, she swam alongside me, a friendly softness nestled in her gaze.
She was like me, yet different.
“What’s your favorite thing about the park?” Amelia asked, her voice light, yet tinged with a hint of melancholy.
I thought for a moment. “I like the swings,” I replied, swinging gently. “It feels like flying...like I can escape for a little while.”
She nodded, understanding flickering in her eyes. “I like the trees,” she said, pointing to the tall, green giants surrounding us. “They’re like guardians, watching over everything. They make me feel safe.”
“Safe,” I repeated, the word foreign and yet oddly comforting. I glanced at her, the last rays of sunlight illuminating her delicate features. It struck me how fragile she was, how easily my father’s dark words could shatter the light she brought into my life.
“Do you think we could fly?” she asked, her eyes wide with wonder, her spirit unburdened by the complexities of life.
“Yeah, I think so,” I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. I imagined us soaring high above the playground, the wind rushing past us, our laughter mixing with the whispers of the trees.
“Let’s try!” she exclaimed, kicking her legs and propelling herself higher. I watched, entranced, as she soared towards the sky, the colors of the sunset framing her like a dream. I wanted to be brave like her, to take that leap into the unknown, but fear held me back.
“Caiden! Come on!” she urged, her voice ringing with delight.
“I like watching you,” I said softly, the words slipping out before I could think better of them. The truth hung heavy yet tender.
“Why?” she asked, genuine curiosity lighting her eyes.
“Because...you make everything feel brighter,” I admitted, my cheeks flushing as I realized how vulnerable I sounded. “It’s nice seeing you happy.”
Her laughter rang out, pure and melodic, and I felt a warmth bloom within me, even as a pang of sadness tugged at my heart.
Amelia suddenly slowed her swing, her feet touching the ground gently. “You should come to the park more often,” she said, her voice softening. “I like having you here.”
“I will,” I promised, though I wasn’t sure if I would have the courage to return. But the thought of leaving her behind, of stepping back into a world that felt stifling and dark, filled me with reluctance to leave.
I wanted to reach out to tell her everything he felt, but the words clung to my throat like a bird trapped in a cage.
“Can we be friends forever?” I ask, the question tinged with the innocence of childhood, yet echoing a deeper longing.
“Of course!” she replied, her eyes shining with sincerity. “Forever sounds perfect.”
But I knew, even then, that forever was a fragile promise, one that could slip through our fingers like sand.
Here we were—two children bound by a shared loneliness, drifting in different currents.
As the last traces of light faded, reality began to creep back in. I watched Amelia swing higher, her laughter ringing in the air, but I felt a tightening grip around my heart—a fear that clung to me like a vine. What if my father found out? What if he hurt her, just as he hurt me?
We couldn’t be friends. I had to leave her behind, I had to walk back into the dark, and this fragile affection had to end.
It was for her own safety. And, my own safety.
If Father found out about our friendship, I fear he would kill us both.
There was one answer: Obedience.
With a sudden surge of anger and sorrow, I stood up from the swing. “I have to go. My father will want me home for dinner.”
Lies. My father would be passed out, dinner an elusive thing.
Sadness adorned her eyes, and she nodded. “Okay, I’m going to stay here a little bit longer,” she paused, then looked at me hopefully. “Let’s meet here tomorrow?”
I gulped and agreed, despite knowing that I wouldn’t be here tomorrow, or the next day, or ever again. I had to leave her behind.
“Bye, Amelia.” And I meant it.
Goodbye, my sweet butterfly.
I would miss her company, but slaughtering this friendship was for the best.
As I walked away, I turned my head and glanced at her once more in the dimness of dusk. She continued swinging, her head down, and my heart ached.
I continued walking, falling further into darkness –
Gone.
The memories faded, and I found myself back in my room, the rain still pounding against the window. I needed to find her, needed to confront the truth of what had happened between us. I couldn’t let the monster dictate my life anymore.
I lost her all those years ago, and now the universe was handing me a second chance, and I was letting it slip away.
I stepped toward the door, hesitation creeping back in. What if she was still angry? What if I had crossed a line too far?
But the thought of her retreating gaze, the way she had fled from me, stoked the flames of my determination.
As I made my way down the steps into the main part of the house, rushed voices drifted, and I thought I heard a sob.
Looking into the living room, Amelia sat on the couch. Alex beside her, his arm around her, rubbing her back.
Sabrina and Shane, sitting there, with a stunned expression on their face.
Amelia, I noticed, was crying.
“What’s going on here?” I moved forward, bristling at the sight of Alex touching her.
I had claimed her upstairs, and long ago, I should be the one comforting her. But before I could lash out, Amelia lifted her head and sniffled.
“Caiden,” she huffed and released another conflicted wail, “I just got a call. My mother is gone. Dead.” There was another pause, and through teary eyes and a croaky voice, she confessed something that chilled me to the bone.
“I have to go back home. Our hometown.”
Our hometown. Where it all began.
Just like that, everything fell apart, and I sank back into darkness.