Chapter 19
Why now? Why, out of any time in all eternity, did a thunderstorm have to strike tonight of all nights?
Levi paced the length of his bedroom, turned on his heel, and ground a path into the carpet in the other direction.
His heart drummed a wild beat against his ribs, his breath coming in short bursts.
His brain had switched to fight-or-flight mode, but he was caged in this sixteen-by-sixteen room, so he couldn’t flee.
On top of that, his adversary was an unwelcome weather pattern, which he couldn’t very well duke out.
Instead, he pressed the backs of his knuckles into the sockets of his eyes, his jaw clenched tight.
A humorless laugh escaped his thinly pressed lips.
If he believed in such things, he’d say the universe itself was conspiring against him.
All he wanted to do was march up to Hayley, hold her in his arms, and spend the rest of the night getting to know her better.
Catalogue every nuance of flavor her mouth held.
Memorize every expression that flashed through her decadent eyes.
Imprint her touch to his skin so he’d always have her with him.
A distant clap of thunder shattered the night sky, causing every muscle within his body to seize without his permission.
Anger, with embarrassment following quicky on its heels, raced through his bloodstream, leaving him more agitated and keyed up than he’d already been.
He banged his closed fist against his temple, his fight against himself just as much as anything else.
There was a gorgeous woman in his home who, against all odds, actually seemed to like him and didn’t find him entirely off-putting, and he was trapped in his room, barricaded away.
He couldn’t let her see him like this, see what storms did to him.
What woman would want a man who became an impotent, cowering thing because of a little thunder?
Levi didn’t think he could hate himself more than he did in that moment.
A flash of lightning illuminated the night sky through his window. He jerked his hands up, pressing his palms over his ears. He wanted to punch a wall instead. Thunder rumbled outside, loud and long and ominous. A crash of a cymbal followed by the roll of a drum.
Forget punching the wall. He wanted to put on his headphones, turn the volume up to help drown out any unpredictable loud bangs, and binge-watch an entire season of Parks and Rec until he could quote every Leslie Knope line.
He’d have to come up with some excuse to tell Hayley.
She was probably out in the living room, wondering where he’d gone and when he’d come back.
They were supposed to be talking over a dinner of Frosted Flakes, and instead he was acting like a cornflake himself.
He really hoped his absence wasn’t making her second-guess their kiss.
Or worse, that he was hurting her feelings by staying away, seeing his absence as some sort of rejection.
He hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He really didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
The window rattled with the next shout of thunder, and he jumped, his heart galloping away from him. A whimper escaped his lips. A cowardly, unmanly whimper.
He could not let her see him like this. If he was ever going to get a real shot with Hayley—a shot at a real relationship—he had to hide this side of himself.
Resigned and ashamed, he grabbed his headphones from the drawer of his bedside table.
He was just about to slip them on over his head when a tentative knock sounded on his door.
“Levi?” Hayley’s voice came out soft and small.
Levi froze. He couldn’t open the door, but ignoring her altogether would only make the situation worse.
A dull thunk echoed from the wooden slab separating them. A sound not of knuckles rapping but something heavier. Like a forehead coming down to rest upon the wood.
“Levi,” Hayley said again, a bit plaintive and slightly desperate, “this is embarrassing to admit, but I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m afraid of storms. I . . . I don’t want to be alone right now. Do you think . . .” She cleared her throat. “Would you please come out? Please.”
Her voice broke on her plea, ripping through his pride.
Without a second thought to his own preservation or what she’d think of him or if the night and storm would bring the end to something that had only just begun, he marched across the room and flung open the door.
She stumbled forward and landed right at the center of his chest. He lifted his arms and wrapped them around her, drawing her closer by pressing his palms against her spine.
She tilted her head back and looked up at him through glassy eyes. “Thank you,” she breathed.
He deserved accusations like Where did you go? or Why were you hiding? but instead he received a thank-you. He did not deserve this woman.
He looked down at her and noticed the deep hue of fear ringing her irises. It was receding, but the evidence of her mounting terror was still visible. What a cad he’d been, thinking only of himself and leaving her all alone to face something that obviously caused her distress.
Guilt weighed heavy and unpleasant in the pit of his stomach.
“I’m sorry.” Maybe it was her own bravery at admitting a fear only accepted among children still sporting a one-digit age or maybe he wanted to make her feel better in any way that he could, but he found his own confession slipping forth. “I don’t like storms either.”
Like a bully cornering its victims, lightning flashed in a blinding streak, thunder laughing with the force of a villain. Hayley and Levi both flinched, their hold on each other tightening.
“You don’t happen to have a weighted blanket, do you?” Hayley asked through shallow breaths. “I learned a long time ago that it helps with my anxiety any time a storm blows through.”
Trinity had suggested the same thing to him, but he hadn’t bothered to follow through on her recommendation. Now he wished he had. “No, sorry.”
The sky above them roared like a lion on the prowl in the savannah. Levi’s body tensed, but at least he’d been able to keep himself from jumping or clapping his hands over his ears.
Hayley pulled back enough to study him. Her lips quirked to the side, but then she blinked. “I think I have an idea, if you want to try it.”
What did he have to lose? His pride was already shattered. “Sure.”
She took his hand and led him to his bed. “Lie down on your back.”
“Excuse me?” Levi gaped at her, not sure he’d heard her right.
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, Mr. Redding. I’m not attempting to steal your virtue. This isn’t the Regency period. If it were, you’d already have to marry me to save my reputation.”
He’d never expected to smile during a storm, but he found his lips tilting up. “Should I be worried about your brother challenging me to a duel for your honor?”
Hayley snorted. “Hardly.”
He eyed her, then the mattress. “I think the rules of post-feminism construct say you’re going to owe me at least a dinner after getting me in bed with you.”
She laughed, her face losing some of the strain it had been holding. “Deal.”
Boom!
Hayley let out a mewling noise that belonged more to one of the kittens in the laundry room than a grown woman. The time for joking had passed. He didn’t know what she had planned, but Levi was willing to do anything if it would wash away the panic starting to rise in her eyes.
He propped a couple of pillows up against the headboard and stretched out on the mattress. “Now what?”
She placed a knee on the bed. “Now I’m going to be your weighted blanket.”
“I don’t think—”
But Hayley didn’t wait to hear what he thought.
She draped herself over him like a human blanket.
The top of her head nestled under his chin against his chest. He sucked in a breath and held it, afraid to move.
Her chest expanded against his stomach as she breathed, her legs moving until they found a comfortable position on top of his.
The weight of her pressed him firmly into the mattress, compressing against him in a solid mass unlike anything he’d ever experienced before.
Honestly, it should’ve been too much. An invasion into his personal space that his body should’ve instantly objected to with alarm bells ringing and defensive measures rising.
But the weight of her, the feel of her, the shape of her . . . everything about her wasn’t too much. It was just right. It—she—was what he’d needed. What he’d always needed.
“Your pulse is racing,” Hayley murmured, her head to the side so that her ear lay right over where his heart pumped in his chest. “Is this not helping? Should I get up?” She moved her hands to the mattress to push herself up.
Levi banded his arms around her back, hugging her to him and trapping her where she was. “My pulse isn’t racing because of the weather,” he whispered, hoping she’d understand the deeper meaning behind his words.
“Oh,” she said, then curled her arms loosely against his sides, all poise to retreat gone.
He hugged her just a bit tighter. “Is this helping you?”
“Yes. I feel safe here in your arms. And I like to listen to your heartbeat and feel your chest rise and fall. The steady rhythm is comforting, and I can focus on it instead of what’s happening outside.”
As if someone had taken a knife and sliced open the cloud above them, rain pelted the roof, pouring down in sheets. Hayley tightened her arms against his sides, and Levi tightened his hold on her in return.
He licked his dry lips. He was in uncharted territory and didn’t quite know how to proceed. A great conversationalist he was not, but he wanted to make the effort. Both for her benefit as well as his own. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She hesitated. “Why I’m afraid of storms?”