Chapter 23
twenty-three
Maverick’s nose tickles the palm of my hand and it almost makes me giggle.
Jax shifts away to lean against the stall as he speaks. I can feel his heated gaze on me and it’s making it hard to think.
“Most people aren’t as calm and relaxed around horses like you seem to be.”
“I told you I used to ride.”
I clear my throat, still a tad flustered from the shock I got when my fingers grazed the palm of his hand. One of which, only days ago, gripped my ass, helping me grind against him until I came in his lap.
Keeping my attention focused on Maverick, I stroke his nose, which helps me focus. Pretty sure if a horse could roll its eyes in ecstasy, he would.
“My mom had me in lessons from six years old, up until a few months after I turned twelve.” A sharp pain pulses in my chest. “My dad got a new job that required him to travel a lot. Turns out he wasn’t just going away for his job; he was having an affair.
My parents divorced about six months later.
It wasn’t too long after that when I met Noia. ”
“Fuck, that sucks. I’m sorry.”
The amount of anger in Jax’s voice makes me look up at him in alarm.
“Me too,” I say, surprised by his protective tone. “But it was a long time ago.”
“Still. That shit sticks with you.”
I shrug, stroking Maverick’s velvety nose. “It does. After the divorce, we couldn’t afford lessons anymore. Mom had to work two jobs just to keep us afloat even with the child support.” I smile wistfully. “Those six years I spent riding were some of the happiest of my childhood.”
Jax’s expression softens. “We’ll get you back in the saddle tomorrow. We’ve got some great trails around here.”
“I’d like that,” I admit, feeling a flutter of excitement at the thought.
I can feel his eyes on me as we move down the aisle, and it makes the back of my neck tingle.
We stop at each stall, Jax introducing me to the other horses. There’s Luna, a beautiful black mare with a white star on her forehead; Bandit, a chestnut gelding with mischievous eyes; and Phoenix, a massive palomino whose golden coat gleams in the sun streaming through the stable windows.
“And who’s this?” I ask, stopping at the last stall where a stunning copper-colored horse is watching us with intelligent eyes.
“This is Ember,” Jax says, his voice taking on a different tone. “She’s mine.”
The mare immediately perks up at the sound of his voice, nickering softly as she reaches out to nuzzle his chest.
I watch with fascination as his entire demeanor changes in an instant. The cocky, flirtatious man is replaced by someone gentler, almost vulnerable as he strokes her neck with affection.
“You have your own horse?” I ask, not quite sure why this surprises me.
“Yeah,” he replies, keeping his attention on the horse. “Hollis gave her to me when she was just a foal. She was born the same day I hit my two-year sobriety mark.”
Warmth floods my veins.
“She was so tiny,” he continues, voice soft. “Her mom died giving birth, and we weren’t sure Ember would make it. I spent three weeks sleeping in the barn, bottle-feeding her every few hours.”
Mesmerized by this glimpse into a side of Jax I’ve never seen before, I move in close. “You saved her life.”
“We saved each other,” he corrects, finally looking at me. The vulnerability in his expression makes my breath catch. “Two years is still pretty fresh for recovery. Having something to focus on besides myself, something that needed me... helped.”
Instinctively, I reach out and give his arm a gentle squeeze. His muscles tense beneath my touch for a split second before they relax again.
“Can I pet her?” I ask softly.
He nods, stepping aside to make room. “She can be a little skittish with strangers, but I have a sneaking suspicion she’ll like you.”
Slowly, I reach out my hand and she stretches her neck, nostrils flaring as she takes in my scent. Holding still, I give her time to decide if she wants to accept me. After a moment, she bumps my hand with her nose, and I smile, gently stroking her face.
“Must be my natural charm,” I tease.
Jax chuckles, and it makes his eyes crinkle at the corners. “Must be.”
Never once in my life have I ever thought eye crinkles were sexy. Until now.
There’s definitely something different about seeing him here in this space. He’s so much more open and relaxed. For some reason I can’t quite put my finger on, I find this version of Jax even more attractive than the flirty, cocky tattoo artist.
“Want to see the rest?” he asks, giving Ember a goodbye pat.
The way he’s looking at me makes my stomach do a slow roll. “Definitely.”
As we continue our tour, Jax shows me the indoor arena where they hold therapy sessions, the tack room, and the outdoor paddocks where some of the other horses are grazing.
We end up at a wooden fence overlooking a large pasture where several horses are grazing peacefully.
Jax leans up against it, resting his forearms on the top rail, and the sight nearly takes my breath away.
The afternoon sun catches in his hair, highlighting the sharp angles of his jaw and the curve of his full lips. There’s something about his profile against the backdrop of the mountains and open sky that makes my heart stutter.
“You planning on staring at me all day, sweet cheeks?” he asks, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth as he watches the horses.
Heat creeps up my neck as I lean against the fence beside him. When I don’t answer, he shifts just a little closer and looks at me.
Damn those brown eyes are sexy.
He’s been overly attentive all day. His hand keeps finding the small of my back as he guides me around, brushing his shoulder against mine as we walk side by side.
Each casual touch feels deliberate, almost as if he can’t help himself.
Even now, his arm is pressing lightly against mine, sending warmth radiating up my side.
“You know what I just realized?” he asks. “We’ve been talking all this time about me and the ranch, but there’s still so much I don’t know about you.”
I tilt my head. “What else do you want to know?”
Turning to face me fully, he leans a hip against the fence. “You said earlier you met Noia when you were twelve?”
“Yeah. About half-way through the school year. Saved her from a group of girls who were bullying her because she was the nerdy new kid.
“One day during lunch she was sitting, reading over by the gym, just minding her own business. They started giving her shit about the book she was reading. Calling her names and shit.”
His eyes spark with interest. “What did you do?”
“I stomped over there and threatened to tell everyone what Lexi did at summer camp. That shut her up real quick. They scattered like the cowardly little bitches they were, and we’ve been best friends ever since.”
“What did she do? Lexi, I mean,” he asks. He leans in, eyes full of laughter. Damn, he smells good.
“She peed the bed.”
Jax laughs so loud that the sound echoes across the field, startling one of the horses.
“I take it you’ve lived in Oregon since?” he asks as his laughter subsides.
“Yup.”
“Where’s your mom?”
“Living her best hippie life in Arizona with her boyfriend, Dean. He’s pretty cool.
” I smile, thinking about the last time I visited them.
“They live in this little artist community outside of Sedona. Mom makes these crazy dream catchers that she sells at local markets, and Dean teaches meditation.”
“Sounds like they’re happy.”
“They are.” I nod, surprised by how much I’m enjoying sharing the parts of myself I don’t usually share, with him.
“Are you two close?” His shoulder bumps against mine again as he shifts his weight, sending a thrill up the back of my neck.
“We talk once a week, at least. She’s always been a bit of a wanderer.
When I was a kid, she’d get these bursts of inspiration and we’d be off on some crazy adventure.
” I chuckle as happy memories come flooding back.
“When I was nine, she decided we needed to ‘commune with nature,’ so we spent a few days camping in the mountains while my dad was off on one of his business trips.”
“Sounds like you had an interesting childhood.”
“Never a dull moment, that’s for sure.”
“What about your parents?” I ask, searching his handsome face. “You said your dad gave you an ultimatum. Are you guys good?”
His expression shifts to something a little more guarded.
“Yeah. We’re good. Much better than we used to be.
He lives about an hour north of Portland.
He’s a contractor—builds custom homes. We take turns visiting each other every couple of months.
My mom left when I was ten. Not sure why.
Haven’t seen her since. Now I couldn’t care less. ”
“Shit,” I say softly.
“What about your dad?” he asks. “Do you still talk to him after what he did—cheating on your mom?”
The familiar knot that always forms in my stomach whenever anyone asks about my father makes me take in a cleansing breath.
“Not really.” Shifting my attention to my fingers, I pick at my cuticles. “He’s got two kids—Brianna and Colin. They’re teenagers now.”
Jax’s expression darkens. “He reach out to you at all?”
“Sometimes. Christmas cards, mostly.” I try to keep my voice light, but the bitterness still seeps through. “He moved to California right after the divorce, remarried about a year later.”
“You don’t sound too thrilled about that,” he states gently.
I shrug, picking at a splinter on the fence. “His wife, Lisa, she’s... fine, I guess. Polite, but there’s always been this wall, you know?”
“I can imagine.”
Forcing a smile I know doesn’t quite reach my eyes, I continue.
“I went to visit a few times when I was in high school. It was... awkward. She tried too hard to make me feel welcome, and the kids looked at me like I was some kind of alien from outer space.” I tear off another splinter, tossing it to the ground.
“Last time I saw them was at my college graduation. They showed up for the ceremony, then left right in the middle of it to go to some soccer tournament for my half-brother.”
“That’s fucked up,” he growls, voice low and angry. “Sorry not sorry, but your dad sounds like a real dick.”
One of my bricks crumbles away at his words. It makes me laugh and I instantly feel so much lighter. “You know what? You’re right. He is.”
“His loss,” Jax says, reaching out to brush a strand of hair away from my forehead, making my breath catch. “And for what it’s worth? I think you turned out pretty damn amazing.”