30. Haldric #4
They spent the rest of the afternoon together before dining on a simple meal set for the two of them.
Though Haldric tried to enjoy himself and Katalin’s company, his dread grew with each passing moment.
Soon enough, they were back in Haldric’s sitting room, and he could no longer put off discussing their future.
“So,” Haldric began, his throat suddenly dry. “I suppose we should talk about why you’re here. Allow me to begin by assuring you that my father’s passing has no bearing on our arrangement. I fully intend to honor our union.”
Katalin took a sip of water from a tall glass. “I assumed as much. Still, I’m glad to hear it. Mother would’ve been unbearable had her carefully laid schemes to ensnare you fallen through.”
Haldric chuckled dutifully. The edge of his crown bit uncomfortably into his brow. “Yes, well, good. Shall we discuss the specific, er, details then?”
“Of course.” Katalin slid aside her glass and steepled her fingers. “First, however, I have a question for you.”
He inclined his head. “I shall do my best to answer.”
“Splendid.” A hint of a smile played over her lips. “Just how long have you been in love with Benjin?”
Haldric stared at her, stunned into silence. She simply watched him, her expression kind. He knew he’d already taken far too long to stammer a response, but he tried anyway. “I-I’m not certain what you mean, my lady. Benjin is a trusted friend, nothing more.”
“Forgive me my bluntness, Your Majesty, but you are a terrible liar.”
He winced, expecting her to sound angry or betrayed. If anything, however, she seemed amused, her eyes dancing with mirth. Had she wanted their arrangement to fail? Or perhaps she relished this proof of Haldric’s weakness.
“I suspected during your visit to Luxem,” Katalin continued, studying his reaction. “But after seeing you together today and how you studiously avoided looking at each other despite clearly being aware of nothing else, I’m all but certain.”
Haldric’s stomach sank, his protests dying on his lips. Panic unfurled in him like a billowing sail in a storm. “Whatever you think you saw, my lady, I beg you to forget it. I’m committed to this alliance between our houses, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make it work.”
Katalin fixed him with a sympathetic look.
Her hand stretched across the table, her cool fingers resting atop his.
“It’s all right, Haldric. I may not fully understand the burden of ruling an entire kingdom, but I do know something about political pressure.
If you truly wish to marry me, I remain willing.
But, first, ask yourself: is this really what you want? ”
Haldric hung his head for a long moment. Doubts and hopes and fears played out in his head, each echoing in a dozen different voices. Then, clenching his jaw, he straightened his back and met her gaze.
“It doesn’t matter what I want. I have to do what’s best for Ilthabard. Now more than ever, we need stability. If this is the best means to achieve that, then I’ll do it gladly.”
Katalin squeezed his hand. “There is no weight greater and more terrible, no chains tighter and more constraining, than those of duty.” Withdrawing her hand, she sat back in her chair.
“Still, permit me to offer you some advice. For all that others might mean well, it ultimately falls to you and you alone to chart the course you think is best. So…again I ask, what is it you want?”
He surprised himself by chuckling. The rough sound quickly devolved into a half-sob, half-snort. There, alone with the woman he was supposed to wed, he confessed the truth aloud for the first time.
“I want him. I want Benjin.”
Again, he braced himself for her rage. For her to accuse him of betrayal and declare their arrangement off. Yet once again, all she did was offer him a gentle smile full of compassion, even if it was also laced with a hint of disappointment.
“There. That’s one issue solved. Now, tell me about whatever other political woes you face. After all, marriage isn’t the only way to forge an alliance, and I have my fair share of training in courtly intrigue. Perhaps I can help you decide on the proper course.”
Haldric studied her carefully. When he was sure her interest was sincere, he took a deep breath and haltingly began to speak. Starting with the death of his sister, he went on to discuss Ilthabard’s current situation, from the unhappy commonfolk to the greedy governors.
He kept the details light at first, cautious of revealing anything too compromising to a foreign dignitary. The occasional leading comment from Katalin, however, made it clear that she already knew much about Ilthabard’s woes. No doubt Khordan had been monitoring the situation closely.
The more he opened up, the more his thoughts whirled.
His rushed remedial lessons in politics had left little opportunity for him to think critically about Ilthabard’s situation.
All this time, he’d remained focused on debating between the paths others tried to choose for him: his father, his aunt, Duke Westley, even Grand Magus Dexil.
Yet as he spoke and Katalin listened, asking discerning questions and discussing how things were done in Khordan, the seeds of a new path entirely his own began to take root…