Chapter 21
Jabari
“Well . . . that was interesting,” Mom says.
To put it mildly. After Fran dropped her bombshell, the Elliott clan lost all composure—except for Val. Her voice had been missing from the muck. Then Mr. Elliott quickly ushered his family from the restaurant before people could start recording the chaos.
Despite the cold reception I received, I have hope because Val told them about me. Surely that means something. Right?
“What are you thinking?” Mom asks.
“Uh . . . just going over everything that happened at lunch.” I rub at my jaw, changing my focus.
“Here’s something I thought weird. Didn’t you say Val’s family doesn’t know about you two hanging out?”
“I did.”
“Judging from Jackie’s expression, and her snide comments, she knows.”
“Val probably told them today.” Jackie made it painfully obvious she wished I were anywhere but at a restaurant with her family.
“I don’t understand why Val didn’t tell them sooner.”
I glance at Mom on instinct even though I can no longer see the wrinkles that line her mouth or fan out beside her warm brown eyes. “You really can’t guess why?”
“Okay.” She laughs. “I might have an inkling.”
“Just be glad they attempted to eat with us in the first place. I’m surprised I wasn’t escorted out of the church.”
“What did you think of church?”
“Honestly? I was too nervous to give it a lot of thought. As soon as I agreed to Fran’s invitation, it was all I could think about.”
“Fair.”
“Why? Do you have thoughts?”
“Actually, I do.”
I shift in my seat to give my mom my undivided attention. She’s always liked it when I meet her gaze while she talks.
“I liked the music. It was, hmm, what’s the word?”
“Relaxing?” I offer. It did soothe some part of me. Knowing we were about to approach enemy lines had my insides knotted up. But the music eased some of the tension even if I hadn’t been wholly focused on the words they were singing.
“That’s a good word for it. I also liked that they do a lot in the community.”
“That actually surprised me.”
“What? Only hockey players can serve the public?”
I let loose a chuckle. As much as the Warriors do to serve the community, I’m not so egotistical as to think athletes and the famous are the only ones doing charity work. “Of course not. It was more of a money-where-your-mouth-is type thing.”
“That makes sense. I remember thinking churches were all talk when I was younger.”
“Is that why we never went? I kind of thought you believed in God, but you never talked about Him. We didn’t pray.” Now that I think about it, her beliefs don’t match the things I’ve seen of Javier and other Christians. Obviously I don’t have the full story.
Mom lets out the longest sigh known to man.
“I used to love going to church.” She pauses and clears her throat.
“I’m what you call church hurt. I had a bad experience that kept me from stepping foot there again.
I never looked for another church, just ran from the ones who hurt me and all those associated with the faith. ”
“And after hearing the sermon, do you still want to maintain a distance?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
I don’t either. I only went because Val asked me to.
After listening to the pastor’s message, I’m not sure my stance is any different from before.
There’s no deep understanding or lightning-strike moment for me.
But seeing the way the people interacted with one another, hearing how they served the community, all told me why Val is . . . Val.
As soon as we walk inside my place, Mom excuses herself to take a nap and I head to the balcony. The sky is bright, so I pull out my sunglasses from my pocket and settle them on my face. Immediately, the pulsing in my head settles to a quieter throb.
My phone chimes, then reads the notification out loud at my prompting.
“Audio message from Val Elliott. Shall I play it?”
“Yes.”
“Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry about lunch. I can’t believe my family acted that way.” There’s a pause. “Wait, yes, I can. But that doesn’t make it any better. I’m so embarrassed. Their behavior was atrocious. Please apologize to your mom as well.” Her voice gets quiet. “I’m so sorry, Jabari.”
I sigh. Someone’s giving herself grief she doesn’t deserve. “Dial Val,” I say and wait for her to answer.
“Hey? Did you hear my message?”
“I did. You alone?”
“Mm-hmm. Dad made the rest of us go home while he talks to Fran.”
“I wasn’t expecting that announcement.”
“Yeah, it surprised me too when she first told me.”
“Is that why you two sat together? Was she planning on telling them today?”
Val makes a pfft sound with her lips. “I have no clue what goes on in that mind of hers. She’s the reason you were invited to lunch, though. She had the notion I needed a push to tell Jackie about us.” She laughs nervously. “I mean, about our friendship.”
I grin. That girlish sound coming from her gives me a spark of hope that maybe her feelings aren’t as strictly platonic as she portrays. “I know what you mean.”
“Right. Of course you do.”
“Val?”
“Yes?”
“Please don’t be embarrassed. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to lunch.”
“Why did you?”
I pause, searching for the right words in this situation.
Unfortunately, romance doesn’t come with a playbook.
What’s good for one woman might not work for the next.
Every couple meshes in a different way because every person is different.
Still, knowing all of these things doesn’t make my apprehension any easier.
Raimo and Javier both gave me varying levels of advice on how I should “get the girl” as they keep saying.
But what do you think?
“Can I be honest with you?”
“Yes, please. I don’t want you to lie, not even a white lie.”
“Okay then.” I gather a deep breath as if I’m sucking in all the courage possible. “I wanted to see you because I . . .” I lick my lips. “I like you, Val.”
Silence greets my ears, and my nerves kick into high gear. Should I retract my statement?
No, she said don’t lie. But maybe I shouldn’t have been so blunt either? I could’ve left the part off about liking her and left it at wanting to see her.
“Could you reiterate that in a different way, so I understand what you’re really saying?”
I chuckle. “I like you romantically.”
More silence. You don’t get anywhere in life by tiptoeing around. I need to be as forward as my hockey position.
“Val, you have to know how incredible you are. I don’t think I can spend more time with you and not fall for you.”
“Jabari . . .” she whispers.
Is that a good or bad sign? The weight in my name sounds heavy, probably not a good thing. Disappointment curls around me.
“I don’t think we’re a good idea,” she finally says.
My hand tightens on my cell. “Can I ask why not?”
“You dated Jackie.”
“Yeah, when I was young and dumb. Not that dating her was dumb, but I was. I didn’t have myself together. I was devoted to hockey only.” Javier’s voice echoes in my head about girl-sister code. Is this what this is about?
“My sister pretty much hates your guts right now, and I’m not sure how everyone else feels.”
“I think Fran likes me.”
She laughs. “Fran can befriend the grumpiest of humans. But, yes, she keeps asking if there’s something between us.”
“Is there? I mean, on your part? Is it only friendship?” I hold my breath, silently scolding myself for asking such a question.
She said we aren’t a good idea so maybe I should take the hint and end the conversation. Should, but I don’t want to. I want to know how much of an uphill battle I’m facing.
“Friendship is all I’m entertaining at the moment.”
My eyes close. “Is this honesty thing working both ways?” I have the feeling she’s being vague on purpose. Whether it’s to save face or spare my feelings, I’m not sure.
“Ugh. Why do you have to make sense at a time like this? Let me be vague and walk away unscathed.”
“I’m not trying to burn you. But I get your point. I’ll drop the topic.”
We sit silently for a minute until I can’t take the awkwardness any longer. “I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t. It’s just that today has been a lot, and . . . I’m still processing everything.”
“Understood.”
“Really?” Relief fills her voice.
Does no one in her family allow her to process through life?
As much as I want to push for her to feel the way I do, that would be unfair.
We’re two different people who experience life in completely different ways.
If I want any chance with Val, I need to learn to accept how she is from the jump instead of trying to change her.
I’ll give her the space she needs and hope that it’s the right play to lead to a future romance.
If not, I’ll have to accept that as well.
“Really. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” I ask.
“That sounds good.”
“Have a good night, Val.”
“You too.”
I stare out into the void, letting my thoughts consider everything that’s happened until now.
Val’s right. Today was a lot. Even from the outside looking in on the Elliott clan, I can grasp the picture. She has a sister who needs her support and one who needs . . . Well, I’m not sure exactly what Jackie Harper needs, but it’s nothing from me. She’s married with a kid. Her life is good.
I can only stand here and hope that one day I’ll be included by Val’s side.
My thoughts revert back to church, trying to remember bits from the pastor’s talk, but I’ve got nothing. All I remember is the one song they sang about gratitude. I don’t really understand that depth of feeling, but the melody, something in the music tugged at me.
“Look up lyrics for ‘Gratitude,’” I tell my phone.
“‘Gratitude’ by Brandon Lake?”
I have no idea. “Yes?”
The software reads the lyrics, and they sound familiar. I search for the full audio next, and as soon as the song starts, I know it’s the same song. A man sings instead of the woman who did so at Val’s church, but the mood emitting from the video is unmistakable. It’s the same tune.
I listen to it on repeat a few times, searching for . . . something. But when I finally decide to head back inside, I realize I have no idea what I’m looking for. I’m not sure why the song touches me, I just know it has.
And maybe that’s enough.