Chapter 26
Val
Why does Jabari’s laugh sear my very soul? My lips can’t help but tug upward as I attempt to keep singing the Beatles’ song. I’m not the best vocalist in the world, but I wholeheartedly believe my plant babies love the tune regardless of how I sound.
After finishing, I arch a brow and adopt a prim expression. “I have more songs where that came from.”
“Please tell me they’re all related to plants.”
Gah! The urge to kiss that cute smirk dizzies me. “In some form or fashion.” “Dandelions” by Ruth B. is another favorite I sing.
“Let me guess, Miley Cyrus is on that list.”
I chuckle. “Maybe.”
Jabari follows me as I pour out the remaining water and return the container under the kitchen sink. When I turn, he’s right by me. I’m not sure if he didn’t gauge my distance or if he means to be in my space.
I don’t hate it. In fact, I discreetly sniff the cologne clinging to him. The notes smell like some type of sage in all the best of ways, and now I’m thinking of the forest in the fall and being wrapped in a cozy blanket.
Ha! You just want to cozy up to him.
Maybe. I didn’t hate being near him when we watched the movie. But I’ve always been a fan of moving slowly in relationships. All my past ones have operated in that manner. However, I’m taking Fran’s advice and thinking about what I truly want. And maybe that’s dating Jabari and seeing what happens.
Still, I don’t want to ask Jabari out myself. Is there a way to show I’m interested without throwing out come hither signals? Is there a subtle art to flirting that makes a guy ask you out? My skills are rusty and, honestly, questionable to begin with.
“Should we sit and talk everything out?” I slide my hand onto his bicep, thinking to lead him to the living room. Holy muscles, Batman!
I’ve never thought of hockey players as particularly muscular. I mean, the sport has them exhausting every single calorie they consume in a three-period game. Not to mention they look lean in their game-day suits. But the thickness in Jabari’s arm tells a whole different story.
His hand comes to cup mine, and my heart beats erratically.
“Sitting sounds good.”
“Good,” I squeak. I wince at the embarrassing high-pitch tone. You are not a teenager. Yes, I’m still in my twenties, but not close enough to the teens to warrant that ridiculous pitch.
Get it together, Val. Who cares if Jabari’s husky voice is starting to elicit shivers from me. It’s not like I swoon when I hear a voice text from him. Oh, right, I do.
We walk to the sofa, and instead of sitting on opposite ends, Jabari lands right next to me. His pants leg brushes mine. It’s weird the details you notice when you decide to give yourself permission to be interested in the guy you’ve come to like.
Before I can say anything, Jabari launches into a detailed recap of his conversation with Morgan. My brain struggles to switch gears from getting him to notice I’m ready for something more romantic to helping him decide the next steps. After a few blinks, my mind is with it and listening.
Jabari stops talking and turns his head my way. “What do you think?”
“I think it’s wonderful they’re trying to help you.” I know how worried he’s been about what comes next.
“Is there a but coming, or is that full stop?”
“Ha! No, my only concern is what you think. I don’t want you to do something because you feel you have to or that you owe them. But if it genuinely interests you, try it.”
“I’ve never been a salesperson. Morgan claims I’m charming and would be naturally talented.” He rolls his eyes.
I’m with Morgan, because Jabari Hall has utterly charmed me. “You disagree?”
“It’s not that I disagree, I just wonder what a potential donor is going to think when I sit at the table. Especially if it’s after I’ve drafted a public statement about my health. Are they going to pity me? Is that the Warriors’ hope? Pity donations?”
Bitterness tinges his words, and I lean closer before I can think it through. “Jabari, it doesn’t matter what their intentions are. What matters is how you react. If you don’t want to be pitied, rebuff it. Change the narrative so that it benefits you and influences how you’ll respond.”
I listen to the words coming out of my mouth. Why don’t you ever take your own advice? Why do I always let what others say about me dictate how I feel about myself? I don’t want to be the pitiful middle sister anymore. I don’t want others thinking I’m all kindness and no spine. I want . . .
More.
“Val, can I ask you a question?”
Hmm? Right, we’re working on Jabari’s crisis, not mine. “More than you have been?” I quip.
His lips curve up. “Yes.”
“Sure.”
“Why are you thankful for God?”
Oof. I sink into the sofa cushion as my mind stutters, then tries to jumpstart. “Huh?”
“Ever since I went to your church, I can’t get that one song out of my head.” His expression turns sheepish. “I may have even replayed it over and over on my phone.”
“What song?”
“‘Gratitude.’” Jabari sighs and runs a hand down his face. “There’s a depth of thankfulness for God that I just don’t get. How can people go through hardships and still thank Him?”
Isn’t that the million-dollar question. I pause to really consider his words.
Lord, what would You have me say? I don’t want to give him a pat answer, and I don’t want to turn Him away from You.
The truth. Only the truth.
I slowly nod as the answer echoes in my head. I don’t have to say anything but what I believe. God will take care of the rest.
“I’ve had a life of being overlooked. Not being seen for who I am.
” I lick my lips. “It’s not necessarily everyone’s fault, because I let them do that to me.
I made myself small so others would shine.
I didn’t do it for altruistic motives, but simply because I’m too afraid to voice what I really want. ”
Oh, the light bulb moment happening now.
“Despite all of that,” I continue, “I know God sees me. He cares for me more than I’ll ever comprehend.
All my wishes and desires matter to Him.
He’ll never overlook me or consider me less than.
Because of that, the depth of gratitude I feel toward Him is immense.
He deserves all my praise because He’s faithful to me.
His love is all-encompassing, and no matter how I feel, He sees my worth. ”
I swallow hard, trying to keep the tears at bay. It feels like that’s all I’ve been doing lately, and crying isn’t something I do easily.
“You really feel unseen?” Jabari asks softly.
“Yeah . . .” My heart aches just remembering all the times my family ignored me—intentional or not. I’ve faded so far into the background I don’t remember how long I’ve been here. I can’t even distinguish between myself and the pattern on the wall.
Jabari’s hand slides up my arm until he’s cupping the side of my face.
“I may not see every detail, but one thing I have always seen is you. Your goodness shines through. You support your family in selfless ways, and they would fall apart if not for you. You are the glue, Val Elliott. Don’t ever doubt your importance or worth. ”
Well, he did it. A tear slides down my face and stops at his thumb. “Jabari . . .”
He closes his eyes and presses his forehead gently against mine. I sigh at the touch, at the depth of feelings coursing through me. This man . . .
“I told myself I wouldn’t rush you, but I’ve gotta tell you, Val, I would be the luckiest man if I could show you how much I value you. As a friend, as a . . .”
I gulp, reaching for courage. “As a girlfriend?”
“For starters.”
Can a heart grow three sizes just from hearing the words for starters? I might be living proof.
Reaching for what I want, I say, “You know it’s kind of hard to be your girlfriend if you don’t take me on a date.”
He pulls back, surprise coloring his face. I want to trace the path down his thick eyebrows to the bridge of his nose and to his full lips.
Val, take a breath. Right. Kisses can wait. I need a date first.
“Val Elliott?”
“Yes?” I bite my lip as anticipation fills me.
“Will you go out with me?”
“I’d love to.”
Jabari’s face matches my sappy expression. My heart’s so full it could burst.
But then his face falls into the most crestfallen shape, and my breath hitches in my throat. How can he regret asking me out that fast?
“What?” I rasp.
“I’m going out of town. We’re about to do three away games. I can’t wait that long to take you out.”
A forced chuckle flees my strangled throat. “Oh my goodness, I thought you were about to change your mind.”
“Never.” He cocks his head. “We’re playing New York in two days.”
“I’ll be watching.” Even though he’ll be up in a box seat, I might still be able to catch glimpses of him throughout the game.
“No.” He shakes his head. “I have a better idea. How ’bout you come with me?”
My mouth dries. “To New York?” What would my family say if they knew?
Does it matter? They’re not in this relationship. If Jabari and I are going to be together, then I need to keep my family out of my business until they’re willing to accept Jabari Hall is who I want.
“Yes. I’ll fly you up so we can have dinner in the city.”
I’ve been to New York but never for a date. And if I’m honest, I don’t want to wait until Jabari is back from his series of away games either.
“You don’t have to fly me up. I can take the train.”
Jabari thinks a moment. “If that’s what you want.”
“Hmm.” My mind is thinking a mile a minute. “Maybe Fran can come with me too. Then we could stay a little bit longer.”
“Will she mind you ditching her for our date?”
“Nah.”
Jabari grins. “The first game is Friday, so the team leaves tomorrow. Do you want to do dinner tomorrow night or after the game?”
“Do y’all have a late game?”
“No. We’re playing at four.”
That works. “How about after the game?”
“It’s a date.”
Butterflies swoop into my stomach at his pronouncement. And they’re not the kind that make you reach for Tums, but the ones that make you want to run immediately to your closet and find the perfect outfit.
As soon as Fran gets home, I’m asking her to peruse my clothing. Surely there’s something suitable for a trip to New York and a date with a hockey player.
Guess Raimo was right after all.