Chapter 28
Val
Normally I enjoy a train ride. You get in, open a book, and get off when you reach your stop.
It’s tranquil (or maybe that’s my ability to block out sound when reading), and the motion of the train lulls my body into a peaceful state.
However, today, my heart is in overdrive thinking of my upcoming date with Jabari.
Will it be like all the times we’ve voice texted or chatted on the phone? Will it be worse than the blind date fiasco? Because sometimes I’m still shocked I’ve become good friends with Jackie’s ex. Or will all my worry be for naught, and I’ll have the best second date ever?
“Want to talk about what’s got you brooding?” Fran quips with an arched brow. She sets her phone down in her lap.
“If you’ll share why you’ve been doomscrolling for the past hour.”
She huffs out a laugh, then drops her head in her hand.
Uh-oh. Something is definitely bothering Fran. “Okay, speak up. Looks like you need to go first.”
“I’m going to be a mom,” she squeaks. Fran drops her hand, and I’m able to see misty eyes and furrowed brows.
Baby sister is panicking, and I’m not sure I have any wisdom to give. I’m not a mom, and though I adore Ollie with all my heart, all I’ve ever done is give him back to his parents and go home. There are no late-night feedings, no crying with the baby because he won’t stop crying.
Lord, how do I comfort Fran?
You’re never alone.
The words flow through my mind at the gentle reminder that God is always with us. Immanuel. I smile, and Fran’s eyes widen.
“What’s that smile for? Are you enjoying my anxiety? Is this payback for all the times I’ve been a brat since birth?” There’s a slight hysteria to her questions. Girl is spiraling.
“Fran.” I reach for her hand. We’re in our own train car and sitting across from each other.
However, it’s not like this space is so spacious that the reach is straining my muscles.
“You’re not alone in this. I know Derrick won’t be in the picture, but you have me.
And eventually our family will come around and rally beside you. You and the baby won’t do this alone.”
Her misty-eye expression turns into a full-on cry fest. “I hate pregnancy hormones,” she sobs.
I search my purse for tissues and pass her a pack. This past week, Fran’s discovered she has tear ducts like the rest of society. Only she’s not taking it so well. It takes all my strength not to chuckle at her overly emotional display.
After Fran dries her eyes, she lets out a deep sigh. “I don’t think I can do this, Val. I’m too young.”
“Women have had babies a lot younger. Yes, twenty-four is young, but you’re already maturing. Ever since you found out you were pregnant, you’ve changed, Fran. I have no doubt you’ll keep doing the work your baby needs you to do.”
Fran bobs her head. “I love the baby so much already.” She palms the small bump. “How is that possible?”
“Because even though you made a mistake, God can still bring good out of it. Life is always a blessing.”
She blows out a breath. “You’re right.”
“And stop doomscrolling. I don’t think it’s helping.”
A sheepish look fills her brown eyes. “I was looking at horror birth stories.”
“If that wouldn’t make anyone panic.” I feign a shudder, though I’m truly disturbed. Why would you want to watch what could go wrong when you’re pregnant? Give me all the glow-up stories, thank you very much.
“Now that my hormones have leveled out, your turn.”
I bite my lip. “I’m worrying about my date and all the ways it could go wrong.”
Fran rolls her eyes so far I’m pretty sure she knows the location of the sun and moon right now. “You like him.”
“I do.”
“He likes you.”
I nod.
“Girl, the hardest part is over. Next comes chemistry.” She starts ticking off on her fingers. “Things you have in common, desire to make it work, and communication skills. And seeing how you two chat every day, I don’t think lack of speaking topics is going to paralyze you on the date.”
“But none of my past relationships have worked out. Isn’t that bad?”
Fran purses her lips. “If they worked out, you wouldn’t be mooning over Jabari.
Your past relationships didn’t work out because it wasn’t the right person.
No one keeps dating when they find the one.
If they did, then they’re probably commitment phobic and shouldn’t be dating in the first place. Which still wouldn’t be a you issue.”
Isn’t that the core issue? I’m worried that I am very much the problem. Isn’t there a whole thing about the common denominator in a string of failed relationships? Isn’t that me?
“What are you really worried about?” Fran asks.
I pull at the edge of my cardigan. “I’m worried that he’s not really that into me. That I’m a substitute for what he can’t have . . . hockey.”
Fran’s brow wrinkles. “That doesn’t sound like the way you think at all.” Her head tilts to the side. “In fact, that sounds a lot like something Jackie would say.”
“She might have said something to that effect.”
“What. Did. She. Say.” If Fran were a cartoon, steam would be blowing from her ears. If she gives that look to her future offspring, that kid will stay in check.
“This morning she called and asked why we’re friends. So I explained again that Jabari needed someone in his corner. I guess she saw his statement on social media, so she told me I was nothing but a replacement for hockey.” Even now my throat tightens at the memory.
I’ve never thought of our friendship as a substitute, but now that’s all I can think about.
“Get behind Val, Satan,” Fran’s voice booms.
I stare at my baby sister, then bust out laughing. Soon, she joins in, and we’re slumped in our seats, tears pouring down my face.
“Oh my word,” I wheeze through laughter.
“I’ve always wanted to say that,” Fran admits. “But seriously”—she wipes her face—“Jackie is being her stereotypical prima donna self. If she can’t have Jabari, then she wants him to be miserable.”
“But she has Isaac.”
“When has Jackie ever wanted for anything? She probably hates Jabari just for not choosing her.” Fran shakes her head, then mutters under her breath, “Spoiled rotten.”
This whole situation has given me a different lens to view my big sister with. I’m honestly not sure what bothers me more, that I’ve always excused away her behavior or that I no longer feel the joy of having her as my sister.
“You don’t think she’s right?”
“Not at all. I saw how concerned Jabari was for you at lunch. Just that brief interaction showed me he’s around for you, not for pity.”
I hope she’s right. I want her to be. Maybe that’s good enough for now. As if he knows we’re talking about him, a message chimes from Jabari.
Are you here yet?
I glance at my watch.
Two more hours. How did the meeting go?
Great! The guys and I are sightseeing now.
A picture comes in with some of the hockey players and Times Square in the background.
Can I see you tonight?
My lips curve up. Getting a text from a guy who can’t wait to see me before our official date tomorrow is a boon I didn’t know I needed.
Maybe. I’m not sure if Fran wants to do anything. I’ll let you know as soon as we come up with a game plan.
Bet. If I can’t see you tonight, then I look forward to tomorrow.
I stare at his words, rereading them multiple times. Even though Jackie claimed Jabari cheated on her, that doesn’t match what I’ve seen of his character. Jabari has done nothing but shown he wants to be with me now and in the future.
That’s the truth I need to cling to, not the lies of Jackie whispering in my head.