Chapter 37
Jabari
For a brief moment in time, I saw Val clearly. Her beauty hit me right in the solar plexus, and my jaw dropped. But I can’t tell her any of that since my current job is to earn favor with Mr. Warren. Plus, when I shook my head, my vision went back to being blurry and spotty.
Did I imagine Val’s face?
Nah. No way I made up the brown beauty who stunned me to the soles of my feet. Even now I can perfectly picture how her black hair curled at the edges and her pink lips held a smile that seemed to be only for me, which I ended up staring at for a moment.
Did she catch me gawking? Wait. If she saw me staring at her lips, then I’m not hallucinating. I saw her. For a moment. For a few seconds that has my heart beating out of my chest.
I want to treat my head like an Etch A Sketch and shake it until my vision changes.
Focus on Craig Warren. He’s not a done deal.
Right. I have a job to do.
Remembering the different tiers, I share with Mr. Warren how he can help the Warriors Foundation with a donation, then wait for his response.
“I’m definitely interested in one of the top levels. I understand your organization also has outreaches to various youth groups, helping foster the love of hockey from a young age.”
“We do. I used to mentor the middle school group. After the concussion, I took a step back. Recently, I asked the foundation to create a group for the vision impaired. Some other NHL teams have started hockey clubs focused on those who suffer from disabilities. Our aim is to be more inclusive, and I think this is a great contribution to their mission.”
“That’s very admirable.” He rubs his chin.
Wait, why does his chin look clear? Did I shake my head and not even notice? Before I can process the clarity, the spots in my vision return.
Excitement courses through me. Is my eyesight coming back? Will I be able to drive again? See my girlfriend every single day?
God, please. I don’t even know how to ask for something this huge, but if I can have my eyesight back, please, please, please, let it be so.
“Does anyone ever donate strictly to the youth leagues?”
My mind searches for the answer. I’ve listened to Morgan’s recordings multiple times, so my mind has to hold the answer. What did she say about where the funds go? Ah yes.
“That’s definitely possible. You can also split funds if you want a portion to go to our outreaches and to the hockey side, or to the business side, like for advertisements.”
We finish our discussion as the intermission between first and second period ends. Mr. Warren gets up to make a plate of food, and I fix my gaze unseeingly before me.
“Is everything okay?” Val whispers.
I nod, then place a kiss on her cheek. “Everything is going smoothly.”
“You looked at me funny.”
I laugh, but the sound is forced. “Funny how?”
A heavy pause fills the space. I want to confess everything to Val, but until I know if these aberrations are permanent or not, I don’t want to get her hopes up. It’s bad enough mine are already elevated.
“You know what?” She sighs. “Ignore me.”
“That’s the opposite of what I want to do.” I place another kiss on her cheek.
The spots and blurred vision remain throughout the rest of the game, making it difficult to follow. If it weren’t for the announcers and the excitement in Craig’s and Val’s voices, I’d have no clue what’s going on.
As it is, Val’s great at commentating and keeping me abreast of what’s happening. The team pulls off a five-to-two win.
“Thanks for joining us tonight.” I offer my hand to Craig, who shakes it.
“This was an excellent game. I appreciate your time.” He drops my hand and speaks again. “It was nice meeting you, Val.”
“Likewise, Mr. Warren.”
“Remember, call me Craig.”
“Thanks, Craig,” Val says.
“I’ll be in touch with your office, Crank.”
“We look forward to hearing from you.”
I wait a moment to give him time to leave ahead of us. “You ready?” I finally ask Val. All of a sudden, I’m exhausted, and it’s like I can barely keep my head up.
“Yeah? Your head hurting again?”
“A bit.”
“Let’s get you back to the hotel so you can rest.”
But maybe my head hurts because I can’t stop testing my eyesight.
I keep scanning the crowds to check if I see them, but all it’s doing is straining my eyes.
Maybe Val is right, and rest is what I need.
We get in the car, and I sigh at the silence that greets us.
I nuzzle the side of her face, and she giggles, but then quickly stops when I kiss her like I’ve been wanting to all evening.
The first sip of coffee soothes me and helps last night’s restlessness fade a bit.
I slept horribly. My dreams alternated between pure rightness with Val and unimpaired vision to being blind and alone.
I’m not sure why the dreams were so up and down, but the result is exhaustion.
I’ve been having weird dreams since we came back from up north, and they’re starting to get to me.
Shake it off. It was just a dream.
I’m about to go to Javier’s church and don’t want anything to deter me from seeing if the place is a better fit for me. I drain the last bit of coffee as Luke stops in front of the building.
“Service should end around eleven thirty,” I inform the driver.
“See you then.”
“Thanks.” I step out of the vehicle and scan the crowd. Technically I don’t need to search for Val. After all, she promised to meet me out front. Still, I can’t help wishing to be the one who spots her first.
If you do, how will you explain that?
Right. I rub my beard. The guys have started the no-shave–playoff beards, and though I’m not playing, Raimo reminded me I’m still part of the team.
My thoughts drift back to Val. She’s now part of my team, so maybe I should just tell her what the doc said.
She would want to know how my vision has been changing ever since.
It’s just I’m afraid to voice my desires, fearing they’ll fade quicker than a wave of a dog’s tail.
“Jabari!”
I study the crowd but can’t make anyone out. Frustration clamors at me, but I push the emotion away. If I don’t settle down, Val will know something’s wrong. So I shove my cheeks upward and walk toward her voice.
“Morning,” Val says breathlessly, suddenly at my side.
“Good morning.”
“I already saw Javier. He’s saving us seats with him and Yas.”
“Great. Lead the way.” I wink at her.
Is she blushing right now? Val seems like the type, based on the brief glimpse I saw almost a week ago.
As soon as we near the doors, we’re greeted with a welcome. The vibe is already different from Val’s church. My shoulders aren’t as tense, and I don’t feel the presence of stares as if people are wondering why I’m here. Had I felt judged at her church? And if so, was it real or my own projections?
“Yo, man, you made it.” Javier slaps my back.
“Thanks for the invite.”
“Of course. Want to come over after for lunch? Yas’s got some food in the slow cooker.”
I turn to Val. “You want?” I speak low and for her ears only.
“Yeah, sounds nice,” she replies softly.
“Thanks. We’ll be there.”
We take our seats right as one of the pastors introduces himself and leads us in prayer.
Bowing my head feels different from the last time I stepped foot in a church.
I’m no longer skeptical. I know God is watching over me regardless of if I’m sighted or not.
My mind quiets as I listen to the words, and something in my heart—maybe my spirit? —seems to still as well.
The choir begins singing, and chills immediately cover my arms. They sound great.
It’s easy for me to clap along with everyone else, and before long, I lose myself in the songs, in the atmosphere that resides in this whole building.
I’m not sure how to describe the vibe other than to say it literally feels like God’s in the church with us.
The pastor’s words hold my attention, and when he encourages people who are believing in God for the first time to come up for prayer, that nudge is back.
The same sensation that told me to pray in the hospital.
It’s insistent, and I can’t ignore it. Don’t want to ignore it.
I’m on my feet before I’m cognizant of the fact.
Val gasps, and I hold out my hand. I’m not sure if she’ll come with me, but something tells me I want her here for this. Her soft palm glides against mine, and I interlace our fingers as we make our way toward the front.
“Welcome, my son,” a mature woman’s voice greets me. “Is this your first time in a church?” she asks softly.
“Second,” I reply in the same tone. “I, uh, I believe. I told God I’d submit to His authority, but I felt like I was supposed to come down here for prayer.”
“I see. Is this your wife?”
“Girlfriend,” Val replies. “I’m Val, and this is Jabari.”
“It’s lovely to meet you both. I’m Elaine. How can I pray for you?”
“Um, I’m not really sure. I just know I’m supposed to be here.” I resist the urge to shrug. Suddenly I feel a little foolish. Maybe she doesn’t get that sensation that you have to do something. But you did, so listen to it.
“Have you prayed the salvation prayer?”
I don’t even know what that is, so I say as much.
“Let’s start there,” Elaine states.
I nod.
“Okay, repeat after me. Lord Jesus, I believe in You and repent of my sins.”
Huh, that’s definitely something I haven’t prayed. I say the words, recognizing the truthfulness of them.
“Please forgive me by Your grace. I believe Jesus is the Son of God and died for my sins.”
She continues to speak until I’ve said the final words, “I receive eternal life. Amen.”
My eyes remain closed. There’s a quietness I don’t want to disturb. As if Val understands, she remains silent, squeezing my hand. Even Elaine doesn’t speak for a while.
“Jabari, I’m getting the feeling that you need healing prayers too.”
Val sniffles beside me.
My own throat is tight with emotion. “Yes, ma’am. I had an accident earlier in the year, and my vision was really affected.”
“I get the sense you were blind, but now you truly see. And the Lord wants you to know that you can depend on Him. You don’t have to do anything on your own power.”
Awareness prickles every nerve ending. I was blind.
I failed to realize how much my spirit needs—I need—God.
Growing up, the world always weighed heavily on my shoulders.
The need to be strong for my mom so she could deal with her own issues isolated me.
The need to make it to the NHL in order to take care of her almost stole the love of the game from me.
Success hadn’t been an option but an absolute necessity.
I didn’t want to let the team down, the fans .
. . my mom. All that pressure meant I never rested.
Not until Val.
“That’s exactly what I’ve realized.” A lump fills my throat, and my eyes water. I dab at them with the back of my sleeve.
Someone puts a tissue in my hand, and I wipe the tears away.
Thankfully, they’re good ones. I’m not sad but filled with immense relief. God knows exactly how I feel. I don’t have to carry this burden anymore.
“Thank you for praying for me, Ms. Elaine.”
“Anytime, Jabari. Keep trusting in the Lord and walk in His glorious light. Have faith.”
Have faith.
It’s not something someone has ever told me regarding God, but always toward hockey. Ms. Elaine’s right. Hockey saved me from loneliness when I was kid but never eradicated it. Only God can do that.
“I will.”
Val loops her arm through mine and leans her head against my shoulder. “I’m so happy for you. Following Jesus is the best thing you can ever do.”
“It shows. You’re one of a kind, Val Elliott.”
“So are you, Jabari Hall.”