Chapter 8
eight
SIXTEEN YEARS AGO
After reading the same paragraph four times without registering a single word, I toss my homework aside with a frustrated sigh.
“Time for dinner, buddy,” I announce to Gorgon, my bearded dragon. He perks up immediately, his spiky head tilting as I lean over his terrarium. At least someone in this house is happy to see me.
Rowan’s words keep playing on repeat, over and over in my head. “You bring a lot of boys over, Iz? Sneak them into your room late at night?”
I sprinkle calcium powder over the crickets in Gorgon’s feeding cup and carefully open the top of his habitat. “Here you go, little guy. Bon appétit.”
“You still a virgin, Iz?”
My heart clenches as I close the lid. The last thing I’m going to do is give Rowan the satisfaction of knowing he got under my skin. Which is what he was obviously trying to do. The Rowan I knew would never have said those things to me.
“Figured you would’ve outgrown your reptile obsession by now.”
The deep, unexpected voice makes me nearly jump out of my skin as I whirl around in surprise. I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t hear the door open.
Casually leaning in my bedroom doorway, Rowan’s hands are stuffed into the pockets of his jeans as his gaze roams around my room.
Mentally kicking myself for forgetting to re-lock the door, I pin him with a lethal glare. “What the fuck? You scared the shit outta me!”
He smirks and shrugs, not even bothering to look me in the eye.
“It’s not an obsession,” I huff, annoyed at his assumption and even more annoyed at how good he looks standing there, all tall and broody and shit.
Stepping inside, he starts nosing around, picking up a framed photo of me and my girlfriends at the lake last summer, studying it before setting it back down.
“Whatever you say, Iz.”
“Excuse me. What is it with you and coming into my room uninvited?” I snap, watching as he runs his fingers along my bookshelf, touching my things as if he thinks he has the right.
Lips twitching, his eyes flick over to me. “You never had a problem with it before.”
“Exactly. Before. I don’t know you anymore.”
“Look, Iz. I just wanted to say I’m sor—”
“Nope. You don’t get to just waltz into my room, into my life after all this time. Not only speaking to me the way you did earlier, but acting as if you didn’t blow me off all these years. Not once since you’ve been gone did you ever ask to talk to me. You only kept in touch with Logan.”
“I was just a kid—”
“No!” I stomp across the room, and get in his face. “You were my best friend,” I whisper-hiss. “My best friend who gave me my first kiss!”
Rowan’s eyes flicker with guilt before they close, and he sucks in a deep breath. When he opens them again, they’re void of any emotion.
“It was for the best.”
“Seriously? For who?” I take a step back, crossing my arms in defense.
I know it wasn’t his fault he had to leave, but he was the one who made the choice not to speak to me afterward.
Even though I tell myself I don’t give two shits about him anymore—or how hot he is.
Not to mention how his deep, smooth voice makes me shiver—I almost regret the words that tumble out of my mouth next. Almost.
“You know what would be for the best?” Rowan doesn’t say a word; he just looks down at me with emotionless eyes. “If you would just leave me the fuck alone.”
I barely catch the twitch at the corner of his eye. “Fine. If that’s what you want.”
“Yup,” I seethe. “That’s what I want.”
He takes a step back, slowly raking his gaze over me from head to toe and back again before he turns and walks out the door.
The next few months of living in the same house with Rowan is like walking on eggshells. No longer the sweet, happy boy I used to know, there’s a darkness in him. A darkness I now recognize all too well. Darkness that could only stem from deep-seated loss.
Spending most of my time struggling between feelings of hurt and wanting to climb him like a tree, we interact with each other only when necessary, speaking only when it’s unavoidable. It’s not until six months later that he finally finds his way back into my bedroom—and my heart.