Chapter 31
thirty-one
My hand stalls mid-stroke, my brain freezing my lungs before I’m able to suck in a breath and respond, “I know, Sunshine. Me too.”
But she doesn’t hear me because she’s already asleep.
I give her smooth hair another soft stroke before I ease myself off the bed.
I should go.
But the thought of leaving her alone in the state she’s in doesn’t sit right with me. What if she wakes up sick? What if she needs something? The last thing I want is for her to hurt herself on the way to the bathroom if she happens to wake up needing to pee or puke.
My heart jackhammers against my ribs as her words echo in my head.
“I loved you too, you know. So much.”
Running both hands through my hair, I tug. But the pain it inflicts does nothing to ease the pain in my heart. In my fucking soul.
Fuck.
This wasn’t supposed to be so hard. I came back to Lakeside to work, maybe find some closure. Instead, I’m right back where I was the night after graduation—completely at her mercy.
I grab a beer from the fridge and down half of it in one go.
The words I wanted to say before she passed out are still burning in my throat.
I still love you. I’ve never stopped.
Sinking onto her couch, I stare out one of the tall windows at the dark, star-studded sky.
Trivia Night was going so well until I went all fucking caveman on Carter. I couldn’t help myself. Watching him lean in close, brushing against her as he laughed at her jokes—it drove me insane. And it’s not like Lizzy was pushing him away either.
Maybe I’m reading too much into this whole situation.
Maybe she’s going along with our fake dating arrangement because she feels sorry for me, or because it might help her art career.
Maybe those drunken words meant nothing—maybe it was just the tequila talking.
But the way she said them—so raw, so honest—makes my stomach twist.
Taking another pull from the bottle, I lean my head back against the couch and roll my head to see Slash watching me from his terrarium, tongue flicking lazily into the air.
Is he judging me? If he is, can’t say I blame him.
“What would you do, little dude?” I whisper. “If the one person you’ve loved your entire life was right there in front of you, but still so far out of reach?”
He flicks its tongue again, clearly unimpressed with my current predicament.
I chuckle softly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought you’d say.”
Setting the empty bottle on the coffee table, I stretch out my legs.
I’m gonna sleep on the couch, just to make sure she’s okay. Maybe I’ll slip out before she wakes up. The last thing I need is for her to think I’m trying to take advantage of the situation.
Grabbing a throw blanket from the back of the couch, I kick off my shoes and settle in. It’s surprisingly comfortable, molding to my body as I turn onto my side.
The sound of her soft breathing creates a soothing rhythm that wills my eyelids to grow heavy. My mind starts to drift, her words still playing on repeat in my head.
Before I know it, I’m dreaming of treehouse summers, stolen kisses, a girl with black hair, emerald eyes and a smile that lights up the darkest corners of my soul.