Chapter 58
fifty-eight
I wake up alone in the dark.
Despite Rowan telling me he loves me, and the awkwardness of me not reciprocating, he’d asked if I would sleep with him in his bed. He didn’t make any moves, just wrapped himself around me as we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Now the space next to me is empty and cold.
As I scan the room, my gaze catches on a sliver of light coming from under the closed walk-in closet door.
Drawn to the light, I slip out of bed. A tingling sensation runs up the back of my neck. Normally, I would never intrude, knowing that whatever is going on beyond that door is meant to be private. But my gut is telling me I shouldn’t leave him alone.
When I push open the door, my heart shatters into a million pieces.
Surrounded by a sea of letters and photographs, Rowan is sitting on the floor of his massive walk-in closet, shirtless, head tilted back against the wall.
Eyes closed, tears are streaming down his face as his hand lies next to him on the floor, clutching a white piece of paper.
Heart thumping, I cross the room without a word and straddle him, lowering myself onto his lap.
Startling with a soft intake of breath, his eyes flutter open. For a moment, he looks up at me, raw vulnerability shadowing his face. Then, with a sob, he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close as he buries his face in my neck.
“Ro...” I whisper, voice breaking.
“I miss them, Iz,” he chokes against my skin.
“I know, baby. Me too.”
The subtle scent of his cologne brushes under my nose as I hold him tight. I’ve never seen him like this—completely undone, heart crumbled and broken. The man who graces movie screens and red carpets is nowhere to be seen. This is just Ro, the boy I grew up with, my best friend, hurting.
As I stroke his hair, letting him cry, my eyes wander, taking in the scattered memories of old photographs and letters until a photo lying next to Rowan’s leg catches my attention. I reach down and pick it up.
It’s a family photo of Rowan and his parents. They’re sitting on the porch of their house in Lakeside, all three smiling brightly at the camera. Rowan looks to be about ten years old. His mom has her arm around his shoulders while his dad sits next to her, leaning in.
Rowan sniffs as he pulls away. “She was pregnant.”
The words are so quiet I almost miss them.
“What?” Shock hits me hard.
Raw pain etched in every line of his face, he says, “My mom. She was pregnant when they were killed. Four months according to the report.”
The photo nearly slips from my fingers. “Oh my God, Rowan. I had no idea.”
“Nobody did. Except for them, I’m sure.”
He glances away, staring off into space. “I finally decided to put in a request for the full report about six months ago. It came today. I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to open it.” When his eyes meet mine again, they’re filled with tears. “It was a girl. I was going to have a sister.”
“Shit. I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my voice cracking as he tucks back into my neck.
“Do you think they would be proud of me?” he asks, voice muffled against my skin.
“So proud,” I say, softly stroking his hair as I set the photo aside. “They’d be so fucking proud of you, Ro.”
His shoulders shake, and as I hold him, it hits me from out of the blue.
I have to tell him.
“I’m so sorry, Ro. I should’ve told you the moment I knew.”
Lifting his head, he leans away, teary eyes searching mine. “Knew what?”
Tears fall from my eyes onto his bare chest. “That I love you too.”
A sob wrenches from his throat as he buries his face in my chest, wrapping his arms around me so tight I can barely breathe.
Resting my cheek on top of his head, I sigh.
“I never stopped. Just locked it away, too scared to trust you again.”
He sniffles and leans away, eyes searching mine. “Does this mean you forgive me?”
“Yes. Of course, I forgive you.”
The next words out of his mouth make me swoon.
“Will you be mine again? No faking it, Iz. Be mine forever?”
“Promise me. Promise you will never leave without saying goodbye ever again.”
“I promise.”
“Then, yes. I’m yours. Forever and always.”
Vulnerability shifts into heat as his eyes darken. Urgent, desperate, and hungry, his mouth crashes into mine. Raw and primal, the collision of need and want makes my head spin.
Matching his pace, I pour everything I’ve been holding back since before we even started our agreement into the kiss. Fingers tangle in his hair as he grips my hips, pulling me tighter against him as he hardens beneath me.
Hands slide up under my oversized T-shirt, palms hot against my skin. Gripping the hem, he yanks it up, breaking our kiss only long enough to tug it over my head. Cool air kisses my bare skin, and my nipples harden instantly.
The only sounds filling the room are soft pants and the rustling of us brushing against each other.
Hooking his fingers into the waistband of my panties, he gives them a quick, sharp tug, a strangled gasp falling from my lips as he rips them away.
Already wet and aching, he swipes his thumb through my pussy, making me moan. Dragging my wetness through my slit up to my clit, he swirls it in slow circles before dipping to my entrance and back up again.
Breath hot against my neck, he grunts, “I need you, Iz. Now.”
I push up to my knees, giving him room to hurriedly fumble and shove down his sweatpants.
As soon as he’s free, I move into position, sinking down slowly, inch by inch until I’m fully seated in his lap.
Pussy clenching around his cock, we groan as I wrap my arms around his neck, foreheads pressed together as I begin to move, lifting and rocking my hips.
“Hell, Sunshine,” he pants as he slides his hands from my waist to palm my ass. “Just like that.”
Tears prick at my eyes. It’s almost too much. The overwhelming feeling of love I have for this man is surely going to break me.
“Look at me,” Rowan commands softly, voice thick with emotion.
I open my eyes to find him watching me with so much intensity it’s hard to catch my breath. His gaze never wavers as I continue to ride, our bodies moving together in perfect sync.
Palms cupping my face, he kisses me. The salt of our combined tears coats my tongue as we move, our bodies telling a story that words cannot.
Tension coiling, he increases the pace, our breathing growing ragged as he fucks up into me. A familiar pressure starts to build, pulling tighter and tighter as we move.
“Holy fuck, Sunshine. You ready? Jesus, I’m gonna come…”
When his thumb finds my clit again, circling it with just the right amount of pressure, my eyes roll back in my head as I topple over the edge. Muscles flutter and squeeze as Rowan thrusts twice more before roaring into my neck, arms banded tight around me.
“I love you,” he says again, tears falling.
This time, I don’t waste another precious second. “I love you too,” I sob, wrapping my arms around him, holding him tight.
I’m never letting him go, not ever again.
The SUV hits a bump, and I look up from my phone just as Evo drives around what looks like a large hangar on the tarmac.
My eyes flick to the side, and I swallow a gasp as he pulls around and stops the car next to a plane.
A private plane.
When I glance at Rowan and narrow my eyes, he shrugs at me with a grin.
“What’s going on?”
“Just another piece of the Hollywood experience.”
“I thought you said you didn’t like to fly private. It’s not your style.”
“I don’t. But I wanted to do this for you. Plus, with all the media attention over the past couple of days, I figured you could use a break. No crazy airport crowds.”
My heart topples. “That’s so sweet. Thank you.”
As Evo opens the door, Rowan grabs my hand. “Come on, Sunshine. Let’s go home.”