Chapter 29
twenty-nine
Darkness pulls me under, dragging me down into the murky depths of memories I haven’t dreamed about in years.
I’m ten years old, standing on the rocky shore of Pagosa Lake in Colorado, shivering despite the sun beating hot against my skin.
Rebecca’s laughter rings out across the water—a high-pitched, breathless giggle that always made me feel just as giddy.
“Come on, Rey!” She’s waving at me from where she’s standing, waist-deep in the lake, white-blond hair clinging to her cheeks and forehead. “Don’t be a chicken!”
I hesitate, toes curling into the warm mud at the water’s edge. Something feels off, but I can’t quite place it because my stomach is too busy twisting into a knot.
“Dad?” Disappointment rushes through me when I glance over my shoulder. Eyes closed, he’s sitting in his favorite fold-out chair with his mouth hanging open, empty beer cans scattered next to him on the ground.
“He’s passed out again.” Rebecca rolls her eyes, splashing water in my direction. “Come on sissy. Swim with me!”
The water looks darker than usual. Deeper. But, because I always follow where Rebecca leads, I wade in.
“Wait for me,” I shout, looking down at my feet. The cold bites at my ankles, then my calves, and finally my thighs as I make my way toward my sister.
When I look up, she’s drifted further away, body bobbing as she paddles toward the middle of the lake.
“Becca, stop!” Panic spikes in my veins. “You’re too far out!”
This time her laugh sounds different. Hollow. “It’s fine! You know I’m an awesome swimmer!”
She’s not, though. Not really. Neither of us is. We only had a few lessons at the community pool last summer before Dad lost his job and stopped taking us. Now all he does when he’s not taking random jobs is get drunk and pass out.
“Rebecca, please!” I’m swimming now, arms slugging through water as I try to catch up.
But the harder I swim, the further she keeps drifting away.
Suddenly, she stops laughing. Her smile vanishes as her body jerks and she starts flailing her arms.
I freeze, treading water. “What’s wrong?”
Her face contorts in pain. “My side! It… hurts! I… I can’t swim anymore!”
My heartbeat throbs in my head. “Swim back! Come on, Becca, swim toward me!”
She tries, but her small arms just aren’t strong enough for the job.
Then, suddenly, she’s gone.
“Becca!” I sob, spinning in circles, looking for any sign of my twin.
I dive under, eyes burning as I frantically search the murky water. All I can see when my eyesight adjusts is her small form as it sinks, hands reaching for me, bubbles escaping her mouth, open in a silent scream.
I reach for her hand, and our fingers brush, right before she’s sucked even deeper into the dark abyss of the lake.
Lungs burning, I fight my way down. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to reach her.
Becca has disappeared.
Water fills my mouth as I break the surface, gasping for air.
“Daddy! Help!” I scream. But the only response is the beer can slipping from his fingers and dropping to the ground.
I dive again and again, but the lake has swallowed my sister whole. My chest aches, arms growing heavy, and the darkness beneath the water seems to be reaching for me too.
“Help! Somebody help!”
But no one comes. And my sister... has disappeared.
My body trembles as I start heading back to shore, but just as I’m getting close, my side starts to burn and the water shifts into something hot and thick. Smoke fills my lungs as the lake transforms into flames licking at my skin...
“Reyna!”
A voice coming from somewhere far away, pulls me out of the water, wrenching me from the fire.
“Reyna, wake up!”
Strong arms wrap around me, holding me tight against a solid chest as the flames disappear until all I can see is darkness.
“Shh, it’s okay. You’re safe.”
My eyes snap open to find Logan’s face inches from mine.
His eyes, wide with concern, anchor me, pulling me back to reality.
A faint hint of smoke and spice wafts under my nose, and it takes my brain a moment to recognize that it’s coming from his skin.
His hair is wet, and it immediately registers that he must have just gotten back from the call that had him rushing out of my room.
“Logan?” My voice sounds hoarse.
“When I came to check on you, you were thrashing around and whimpering.” His thumbs brush across my cheek, wiping away my tears. “Reyna. Who’s Becca?” he asks, voice gentle and coaxing.
The sound of someone else saying my twin’s name for the first time in years sends a fresh wave of grief crashing through me. I can’t speak. My nightmare has left me raw, vulnerable, exposing me in ways I haven’t allowed myself to be in a long time.
Swallowing hard against the lump in my throat, I bury my face in his chest. “My sister…” My breath stutters, voice muffled as Logan holds me tight, resting his cheek on top of my head.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
The deep timbre of his voice vibrates through my veins and into my bones. His soft, supportive words make me want to spill all of my secrets. Expose the darkest parts of me that I never let anyone see. Ever.
But this is Logan. Dark and Broody. And despite the fact that he’s done nothing but keep me at arm’s length since I moved here, I know I can trust him.
Through the struggle, I manage to find my voice. “Becca was my twin sister. She... She drowned, and I… I couldn’t save her.”
“Fuck.” He nuzzles his face into my neck. “I’m so sorry.”
His arms tighten, heart a steady thud against my cheek.
“We were ten,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “Our parents were... pretty awful. My dad took us to the lake, got drunk and passed out.”
Logan stills, jaw tensing against my temple.
“She got a cramp, and she just... went under.”
My words feel like broken glass in my throat, each syllable more cutting than the last.
“I tried to save her. I tried so hard.” My voice breaks into a sob. “But I couldn’t get to her. She just kept sinking.”
He strokes my hair. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“That’s what everyone told me.” I pull back slightly, needing to see his face. “But I was her sister. I was supposed to protect her.”
“You were a child,” he says, eyes searching mine. “You both were.”
Tears stream down my face. “She was everything to me. When she died, something inside me died right along with her. My dad went to jail. My mom was already hooked on pain pills. She couldn’t handle the grief of losing a child, so all she did after that was get high.”
Logan’s expression darkens. “How did you survive? Who took care of you?”
“I took care of myself,” I shrug, giving him a watery smile.
He brushes a strand of hair away from my face, touch lingering. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”
I lean into his hand, craving his touch more than I should. “I don’t know why I told you. Other than my two best friends, I’ve never told anyone else the whole story before. Brex knows I had a sister who died, but...”
Stiffening slightly at the sound of Brex’s name, his voice drops lower, rougher. “Maybe because deep down, you know I’d never judge you for it.”
My breath catches. “Logan...”
“Reyna, I—” He hesitates.
Hands palming my face, his thumbs trace small circles over my cheeks, brushing away my tears as his gaze locks in on my mouth.
My lips part in expectant surprise when he starts to slowly move in, breath ghosting against my mouth, closer and closer, until...
The soft look in his eyes shifts, warmth flickering before it dies, replaced by an all too familiar, impenetrable wall.
Gently pushing me away, his words are clipped as he stands. “I should go. I’ve got a ton of paperwork.”
My stomach drops. And, just like that, the moment is gone. Fizzled out. Extinguished. Leaving me raw and exposed, while he retreats behind his broody mask.
“Logan... wait.” Back to me, he fists his hands at his sides as he heads for the door. “What happened? Is everyone okay?”
Shoulders rigid, he pauses in the doorway and turns to look at me.
“The town library’s second floor caught fire.
” His tone stays flat, all business as he fills me in.
“We pulled Mrs. Holloway out of the stairwell. She’s stable and the building’s still standing.
Gonna take a while to investigate the root cause. ”
“Is Brex okay?”
Something too quick to read flashes across his face before he nods. “Yeah. He’s fine. Everyone’s fine.”
“Good.”
“You should get something to eat,” he growls, more of an order than suggestion. “You need to keep up your strength.”
Then he’s gone.
Snorting out a laugh, I shake my head. Of course he’d bolt the second things got real.
I let my guard down. He runs for the hills.
“Unbelievable,” I mutter, dropping back against my pillows.
The pain in my head is now a dull throb.
Dragging my hands down my face, I groan. Why did I do that? Why did I spill my darkest secret to the one person who’s made it abundantly clear he wants nothing to do with me beyond a professional level?
Because he held you while you cried, you idiot. Because he calls you, Angel.
Because for one brief, beautiful moment, it felt like maybe...
I cut that thought off before it can fully form. Nope. Not going down that road again. Not when every interaction with Logan ends just like it did only moments ago. Like it always does.
With him slamming up his walls.