Chapter 11
SAWYER
EVEN AFTER EVERYONE came over to congratulate me on my win, the adrenaline hadn’t eased up much.
There was a shaky, buzzing feeling in my limbs after I’d pushed my body so hard, and that combined with the burn in my lungs and the sweat—and mud—cooling on my skin should’ve been enough to distract me from anything else.
But I’d seen Peter and Alec walking over here with the rest of the crowd, and my ex’s eyes were on me, I could feel it. Still watching. Probably looking for an in to say something, which was why I purposely kept not looking in his direction.
Beside me and Beckett, Hudson was glaring down at the mud covering his body while begrudgingly congratulating Beckett on doing so well.
I got a grunt. I smiled way too big at that.
“I have an idea,” Beckett said, his voice low. “You trust me?”
That sounded promising. “Does it involve tying my brothers together and making them do the course again like that?”
“I heard you, asshole,” Hudson grumbled.
“I think I’ll spare your brothers the additional humiliation,” Beckett said.
“Aw, where’s the fun in that?” But since I was curious what he had up his sleeve, I added, “Yes, I trust you.”
“Good. I’m gonna grab some towels before the crowd hits the lockers. Meet you back at the cabin? Say, in fifteen?”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re not packing up your bags to ditch me, are you?”
“If I were going to leave you, Sawyer, I would’ve done that before the obstacle race.” He winked at me, and I grinned as I watched him walk away.
I didn’t know what he was up to, but I had a feeling I’d like it.
“Now that is a sappy-as-fuck look,” Drew remarked, following my gaze before glancing at me with an arched brow. “How come you never mentioned him before?”
“Oh, uh…” I rubbed at the back of my neck. “I mean, it’s new. Didn’t want to jinx it. You know.”
“You had Hudson worried about you after drinks the other night. You could’ve told him. He’s a pain in the ass, but he can keep a secret.”
“Then how do you know I didn’t tell him?”
Drew opened his mouth to respond but then realized my point and laughed. “Okay, so he keeps secrets except from me, but I wouldn’t say shit.”
“Well, secret’s out now,” I said, but frowned as the inches-thick layer of mud caked over his body began to dry up and fall off him. I stepped back, not wanting to get covered in it—above my hips, anyway.
“Gross. I need a shower. Hudson,” he called out, and as he went off to grab my brother, I scanned the crowd for my moms. To thank them for the opportunity to kick some sibling ass this morning, and all.
I didn’t get the chance, though, because Peter’s voice rang out behind me.
“Nice win.”
I froze. Of course. Of course he would wait until I was alone to corner me. Great.
Blowing out a breath, I turned around, hoping this conversation didn’t go as badly as last night’s.
“Yes,” I said. “It was.”
“Didn’t think you still had that in you,” he added with a small smirk.
“Good to know you’re still underestimating me.”
His eyes trailed down over me, taking in the mud, the sweat, and the fact that my shirt was probably doing me zero favors in the modesty department, considering how it clung to me. “Not underestimating. Just…forgot.”
Forgot? Like I was something he used to own and hadn’t bothered to check in on lately?
Wow.
“Looks like you’ve been busy remembering yourself,” he went on, cocking his head slightly. “New guy. New attitude…”
“New life,” I cut in. “Yeah, it’s a whole thing.”
“Is it?”
Wait, was he mocking me now, or was he actually a little impressed?
“Yes,” I said, firmer this time. “It is.”
Peter closed the distance between us.
God, he still wore the same cologne, and it was the same spicy, woody scent that used to cling to my sheets, to my skin. It was so familiar and comfortable that something in my chest loosened, my body reacting before my brain could catch up.
I forced myself to hold his gaze. “Is this the part where you say congratulations?”
He studied me for a second, like he was deciding how honest to be, and then he sighed softly. “I didn’t think you’d move on this fast.”
It wasn’t what I’d expected him to say, and I could only stare. Did I hear regret in his tone, or was I dreaming it?
No. It didn’t matter. He’d fucked up, and I wasn’t going there with him.
“Funny,” I said, putting my defenses back up. “I didn’t think I’d have to watch you do it in real time either, but here we are. Or should I say here you are.”
His lips curved, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Alec’s…easy.”
“Easy? That’s what you’re going for now?”
“Less complicated.”
My mouth fell open. I wasn’t even sure what the hell to say to that. Less complicated? What the fuck?
“I’m just saying,” he continued, “you and I… We were a lot.”
A million emotions flooded through me right then, one right after another. The good, the bad…and even the complicated.
Damn. Maybe he wasn’t wrong about that.
“Okay,” I said slowly. “Maybe we were.”
“But you handled it.”
“Handled what?”
“Me.” He stepped in even closer, the toes of his shoes bumping against mine and his voice dropping slightly. “You knew how to deal with me. How to balance us out.”
Balance, right. He meant like how I swallowed my feelings when he got distant or pretended I didn’t notice when he pulled away. Or how I twisted myself into knots just to keep our relationship steady.
“That guy?” Peter nodded vaguely toward the lodge. “He doesn’t know you like that.”
Oh. There it was. He was shifting tactics now, using the whole he doesn’t get you like I do move that crawled under my skin.
“He doesn’t need to,” I said, though it didn’t come out as strong as I wanted.
Peter’s eyes searched mine. “Look, if this is what you need to get over me, I get it.”
My pulse quickened, my lips suddenly dry. “What?”
“The guy. The rebound. I get it.”
“He’s not—”
“It took me a minute to get over you too,” he said. “Longer than I expected.”
“It’s been eight weeks. How long exactly did it take you? One?”
“Come on. Don’t be like that.” His hand came up, the backs of his fingers brushing across my cheek.
It instantly had my mouth snapping shut as his familiar touch wreaked havoc on my insides. My body didn’t seem to know the difference between then and now, not when he was looking at me like he used to. Like I was the only thing that mattered.
“I still care about you, Sawyer,” he murmured as my breath hitched. His voice was soft and reminded me of lazy mornings in bed back when things had been good.
I hated that some part of me still responded. Still remembered.
It wasn’t until he said, “I’d hate to see you get hurt,” that I was able to see through the fog.
I jerked back, out of his orbit, and he dropped his arm.
“Don’t,” I said, my voice sharp. “You don’t get to do that anymore. Touch me, say that shit. Stop.”
Peter’s expression flickered, and it wasn’t regret I saw there—more like irritation that his play hadn’t landed the way he wanted it to.
“I’m just trying to look out for you,” he said.
“By showing up here with someone else so I could see how well you’re doing?” I let out a disbelieving laugh, shaking my head. “Wow. Super convincing.”
“That’s not—”
“No? Because from where I’m standing, it kind of looks like you wanted me to see you and Alec and how easy it is for you now. That’s what you just said, right? Uncomplicated. How great for you.”
The muscles in Peter’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t deny it.
“I didn’t think you’d spiral like you did,” he said. “The radio show, the—”
“Stop it.” I held up a hand. “You don’t get a say in how I handle my life. You don’t get to show up here and decide how I’m doing now, either. You left. I got the picture.”
For a second, neither of us spoke, and it was only then that I realized we were still surrounded by people and not in a private bubble.
Peter sighed and looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You always did this. Acted like you’re fine when you’re not.”
“Or maybe I am fine.”
“With him?”
There was something in the way he said it, like he couldn’t decide if Beckett were a joke or a threat.
“Yeah,” I said, and this time it came easier. “With him.”
Peter looked up at me, but then his eyes shifted to a point behind me.
“Sawyer.”
Beckett.
I didn’t even realize how tense I’d been until I heard his voice. It cut through all the bullshit, and my shoulders dropped with relief as I turned.
He had a couple of white towels slung over one shoulder, a bottle of water in his hand, and an alertness behind his eyes as they flicked between the two of us.
When he stopped beside me, he handed me the water, his hand moving to my back. “Everything good here?”
Peter straightened, an edge in his voice when he said, “We were in the middle of a conversation.”
“Looked like it. Say everything you need to?”
Peter looked at me, but I wasn’t giving him any room to continue trying to manipulate me. This was just a game to him, and I was grateful to have Beckett there to keep me from doing something stupid.
Which, at the moment, involved tripping him into the mud pit.
“Yes,” I said, twisting open the bottle cap on the water and lifting it to my lips. “I think he got it all out.”
“Good. I’ve got the hot tub ready.” Beckett’s hand slid up my spine as I chugged half the water in one swallow. “Figured after that performance you could use it.”
My brain immediately went back to the obstacle course and the way Beckett had been there right beside me, matching me, watching me…
“Perfect,” I said. “That sounds…like heaven, actually.”
“I thought so.”
“Performance,” Peter said, chuckling, but there was nothing amused about it. “You always did like an audience.”
I turned back to him, ready to fire off something that would shut him down completely, only for Beckett to beat me to it.
“I think he just likes people who show up for him,” he said, his tone coming off all easy and controlled, but it was laced with something fierce. “Not everyone gets that right the first time.”
Dead. Silence.
A flush crawled up Peter’s neck, his jaw clenching before he finally got a clue and stepped back. “Well. Enjoy the hot tub.”
“We will,” Beckett said, not missing a beat.
Peter’s eyes lingered on me a second longer before he turned and headed back through the crowd toward Alec.
And just like that, the pressure eased.
I blew out a breath and looked up at Beckett.
“All good?” he asked.
I smiled and nodded, meaning it this time when I said, “I am, yeah. Thank you.”
His hand slid down my back and across my waist before falling away. How was it possible his touch could have even more of an impact than the man I was with for two years? It seemed impossible, but maybe that was what a healthy relationship was like.
A healthy fake relationship. How ironic.
“Come on,” he said, nodding toward the path. “Let’s go before your brothers decide they want another round.”
“God, don’t even joke about that.” There was no way in hell I was putting my body through that again. Now that the adrenaline had made its way out of me, I could feel every single muscle, even the ones that had been dormant for years.
It was worth it.
As we started toward the cabin, Beckett’s hand found my back again like it belonged there, and I realized something.
Peter knew exactly how to pull me apart, but Beckett?
He somehow knew how to put me back together again, and that was priceless.