Chapter 20 #2
“She took off, nearly bounced me off the saddle, then walked me straight under a low branch, trying to decapitate me. When that didn’t work, she waited until I got off her and started to leave before deciding to try to maybe kick my head off instead.”
“Oh my God.” Sawyer was laughing, the traitor. “What did your mom say?”
“She was laughing even harder than you.”
“Ah, see, it couldn’t have been life or death if your mom wasn’t panicking.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
He chuckled again, and I smiled before I could stop myself.
“Your mom sounds fun,” he said.
“She is.”
“Are you two close?”
“Yeah.” I kept my eyes on the trail, adjusting my grip when Duchess tried to wander again. “My dad was military, so there was always a lot of structure in our house. Strict rules. We moved a lot, so it was always new school, new routine, new people to figure out.”
Sawyer didn’t jump in, and that was one of the things I like about him. He talked a lot—Christ, did he talk—but when something mattered, he listened.
“My mom made it easier,” I said. “She’s the complete opposite of my dad. Warm, funny as hell. She always tried to make every place a home, you know? Like we’d lived there for years instead of days.”
“That makes sense.”
“Does it?”
“Yeah. You do that too. Make everything…better. More comfortable.”
I took that compliment in, held it. No one had ever said that about me before, and it meant a lot that Sawyer thought that.
“Any siblings?” he asked.
“One younger sister. Nora. She lives in Seattle with her wife and kids.”
His entire face lit up. “You’re an uncle?”
“Twice over.”
“Lucky. That’s adorable.”
“I don’t know if adorable is the word.”
“Sure it is. I can’t wait for my brothers to give me some kids to spoil. Are you the fun uncle or the sensible one who gives educational gifts?”
“Yes.”
“Oh no. That means sensible.”
“No, it means I listen to my sister when she tells me if I buy one more thing that makes noise, she’ll revoke my visits.”
Sawyer tsked. “Sensible gifts.”
“Hey, they get art supplies.”
“Boooring.”
“And a drum kit, once.”
He did a double take. “You did not.”
“Oh, I did. Nora didn’t speak to me for two days, hence the art supplies.”
He laughed at that, shaking his head. “Okay, I take it back. You’re a fun uncle.”
“Thank you.”
He was still smiling when he looked ahead again, and I couldn’t deny the way his approval sat warm in my chest. Like he’d discovered a new piece of me and liked it.
The feeling was mutual.
Duchess chose that moment, right when I was starting to relax, to try to wander, and I steered her back on the trail and murmured, “Let’s not go there.”
But for some reason, my words had the opposite effect, because she lifted her head and her entire body changed under me.
Sawyer noticed the same time I did. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Did you squeeze her? Kick her?”
“No and no.”
“Say anything?”
“I told her not to go—”
Duchess bolted, fast enough that it scared the shit out of me and had me thanking God I still had full control of my bowels.
She galloped at a thundering pace, the pounding of her hooves like a drumbeat against the earth, and it sounded like a countdown to my demise.
The wind slapped me in the face, my stomach dropped, and it was all I could do to hold on.
“Beckett,” Sawyer called out, half laughing, half serious. “Don’t pull straight back. Sit deep.”
The fuck? “What does that mean? I am sitting,” I yelled.
“You’re hovering.” Ahead of us, Maren turned, already gathering her reins, but Sawyer said, “I’ve got him.”
Not yet he fucking didn’t. And if he didn’t hurry up, Duchess was going to finish the job Buttercup had started all those years ago.
Sawyer and Jasper caught up with an ease that would’ve annoyed me if I weren’t busy trying not to get bounced into the next county. Duchess veered toward a wider patch of grass, obviously thrilled with the freedom she had under my lack of control.
“Whoa, whoa, easy now,” Sawyer said, reaching over to grab the reins. She instantly slowed, her entire body calming. “That’s it. Good girl.”
Duchess tossed her head once, offended by the suggestion she’d done anything wrong, and then settled into a walk like she hadn’t tried to send me into early retirement.
I sat there, gripping the reins, my pulse pounding and my dignity left somewhere back on the trail.
Sawyer kept Jasper close, his hand still on Duchess’s reins until she stopped acting like a getaway car with hooves. Then he looked at me, all calm, a slight tinge of amusement curling his lips. “See?” He winked. “I’ve got you.”
That should not have made my heart do anything, not under the current circumstances, but it did anyway. Maybe because he said it like he meant it. Calm and sure, completely in control.
Hell, had I ever had anyone have my back like that?
“She heard the word G-O,” he said.
“I said not G-O.”
“Yeah, I don’t think it works like that.” He nodded at the reins. “Ease your hands. She’s not trying to dump you. She just thinks you gave her permission.”
“Fuck, I did not do that.” But I did as he said, easing the reins, and when we were walking again at a normal pace, I exhaled.
“Duchess, we are not friends,” I said.
Sawyer was grinning so hard his cheeks had gone pink. “Nah, not friends. She owns you. You’re her bitch.”
“For fuck’s sake.”
Maren rode up on the other side, nodding at us both. “Nice job staying with her.”
I glanced over at Sawyer. “Pretty sure that’s on you.”
“Nah, you did great,” he said. “You’re still on, aren’t you?”
He said that like there wasn’t still time for her to go rogue.
A few minutes later, the trail widened along a fence overlooking the lake. Maren rode ahead to give us some space, and Sawyer slowed Jasper down beside me.
“Not bad, right?” he said. It was so peaceful out here, no one around except us. The lake reflected all the varying shades of the autumn leaves at their peak color, and yeah, it was beautiful.
But I had an even better view beside me.
“Worth the kidnapping,” I said.
“Told you.”
Duchess lowered her head, nibbling at the grass, and the fact that she was choosing to stay put for a while was surprising, but welcome.
“My parents started taking us riding when we were kids,” Sawyer said.
“They were always like that. Finding things for us to try. Horses, theater camp. Baseball, pottery. Oh, and fencing for about five seconds, until Hudson got too competitive and used more than just the practice foils to duel with us.”
“Sounds like they wanted you to have every option to find what you enjoyed.”
“Yeah.” He shifted the reins loosely in his hand. “When they adopted us, they went all in. We got lucky with them.”
I looked at him, careful not to react like he’d made some big announcement, because he said it in the same way he talked about the view or what he’d had for lunch yesterday, like adoption wasn’t a wound he needed to explain. It was just part of the story, part of the family he clearly loved.
“All three of you?” I said.
“Yeah. They chose us and then just kept choosing us. Sometimes people ask if I want to find my biological family, and I get why, but…I’ve just never felt that pull. I don’t feel like I’m missing a family. I have one. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that.”
I nodded. That tracked with everything I’d learned about Sawyer.
“You know, my mom used to say love was a choice you keep making,” I said. “She’d like your parents.”
“She would. They’re a lot, but they’re the best people I know.”
“I noticed.”
“They never made it feel second best,” he said. “Being chosen.”
“Because it wasn’t.” His eyes moved to mine, and I held them. “Being chosen matters. Sometimes more than anything.”
I knew why the words came out heavier than I’d intended them to.
It was because I was thinking about him.
About the way he’d reached for me in a hotel lounge, thinking I was someone else, and the way I’d chosen to stay when I could’ve corrected him.
Every day since had become less accident and more decision.
A selfish one, maybe. But a choice all the same.
Sawyer’s eyes dropped to my lips before he met my gaze again, but before either of us could say anything else, Duchess jerked forward toward a fresh patch of grass.
“Jesus,” I said, her sudden move catching me off balance and interrupting the moment.
Sawyer laughed under his breath. “She’s hungry. We should head back.”
“How? She’s been eating the whole time.”
Duchess tried to veer off a couple more times on the way, but I was able to correct her both times without Sawyer’s needing to rescue me, which he claimed was “deeply disappointing” because he enjoyed being my hero.
When we reached the stable yard, Sawyer dismounted easily then came over to stand by Duchess’s side as I prepared to get down.
“Need help, cowboy?”
I swung my leg over and landed with a bit of a stumble, but Sawyer caught me by the waist automatically and steadied me.
His hands stayed where they were, warm through my sweater. A second ago he’d been laughing at me, and now he was close enough I could see the tiny flecks of gold in his dark eyes.
“You did great today,” he said. “I’m proud of you.”
“How the tables have turned.”
“I don’t mind it.”
“I bet you don’t.” Duchess nudged my shoulder from behind suddenly, nearly knocking me into Sawyer. He caught me, laughing, and said, “Your girlfriend’s jealous.”
“I don’t think that push was jealousy.” I glanced back at Duchess, who looked entirely too smug for a horse.
Sawyer was still grinning when we handed over the reins and started back to the resort for lunch, natural and easy, but with an undercurrent that had our shoulders bumping as we walked.
And even though I knew that any time now I needed to tell Sawyer the truth, I let myself have the moment. The sun, his laughter, the teasing.
And the terrifying, impossible hope that maybe being chosen wasn’t only something that happened once in a lifetime.