Chapter 4
I’m unloading a box of Delilah’s bathroom products slower than necessary. I need a minute to breathe.
My jaw clenches involuntarily and the tips of my ears burn hot mulling over the repercussions of my actions. I finally have Delilah all to myself. She’ll be in my bed every night. But most importantly, she’s safe after all these years and I don’t have to worry myself sick wondering if she’s okay.
I get unfettered access to hang out with my best friend whenever I’m home.
In no way will this become my own personal hell—living in intimate quarters with the star of my every fantasy but not being able to touch her or tell her how I feel.
Because how I feel is far more than friendly.
It’s completely fine that I’ve now fingered every single pair of panties she owns and held the cups of her delicate lace bras in my tattooed hands.
I’ve never once imagined Delilah wearing nearly nonexistent scraps of cotton and lace beneath her clothes.
It’s never crossed my mind, not even once, wondering if she wore thongs, or little cheeky panties.
Why would I wonder about that? It doesn't matter to me. The answer is both. Nope.
Yes, I gathered her e-reader and books beside her bed. But I did not find one of the covers intriguing and open it to the page she dog-eared revealing a graphic sex scene of a man pounding into a woman from behind, skirt rucked up over her hips, panties pulled to the side.
I’m entirely unfazed that my innocent little doll has a pile of book-porn, and I do not need to know how often she reads it or if her thighs clench together when she does. Nope.
It's totally not a big deal that I found a bright purple silicone rabbit dildo in her nightstand. I’m not at all bothered by how long and thick it is, or that it’s given the woman of my dreams pleasure.
I definitely did not turn it on and click through the vibration settings or hold it against my nose trying to scent any hint of her pussy. Nope.
I did not wrap one of her lace thongs around my throbbing erection and jerk off in her childhood bedroom to the image of her on her knees, those diamond eyes sparkling up at me through tears gagging on my cock.
I did not come so hard my knees buckled, and I forgot where I was. Nope.
Shame licks up the back of my neck like flames. She’d be mortified if she knew I hadn’t simply gathered her stuff in a big pile and shoved it into a box—but fingered each and every piece, fantasizing about her.
I’m the luckiest fucker on the planet since Delilah Tate chose me to be her best friend. She trusts me implicitly and today will not be the day that trust is destroyed because of my dick.
I find a toiletry bag that has a bunch of shit I don’t recognize and hide the vibrator inside.
I zip it shut and push it to the back of my under-sink cabinet.
Partially to prevent her from finding out I know it exists—but mostly because I can’t live knowing she slides it in and out of herself in my bed, beneath my sheets, when I’m not home.
I might die if she’s needy, and I’m not the one who gets to satisfy her. Jesus christ, what’s wrong with me?
“Hey. Everything going okay in here?” I jump out of my fucking skin, fumbling around to make sure there’s no evidence of my depravity out in the open. She laughs. “Wound tight today, are we?”
She has no fucking idea.
“Naw, just trying to get your things put away so you feel at home.” Nice save. Her eyes take inventory of what I’ve unpacked, unfazed.
“Is it okay if I hang my dresses in your closet and put my clothes in your dresser? I promise I won’t take all your space,” she asks sweetly.
I clear my throat. “Yea, of course, do whatever you need. This is your home now.” I rub the back of my neck. “I know it’s small, it’s only ever been me and I’m gone most of the time. But whatever I have, is yours. And whatever I don’t have, I’ll get for you.”
“You have no idea what this means to me, Connor. I’d never take advantage of you.”
Take advantage of me! Please, take everything until I have nothing left.
The shrill alarm on my phone goes off. Shit. I thought I had more time. My lips press against Delilah’s forehead for a beat too long, and I give her shoulders a squeeze.
“My shift’s in about an hour. I’ve got to run. I’m sorry to leave you with this mess. I didn’t exactly think it through moving you in just to leave you alone.”
I’m such an asshole. She’s probably scared, and she’s never slept here overnight. Shit, I know she’s never lived alone before.
Reading my spinning mind, she offers, “It’s okay, really. You have an established life, and I’m grateful you’re making space for me. Izzy and Liv have been blowing up my phone, so I'll ask them over to help me unpack. If that’s okay?.”
“Of course. This is your home now. You don’t need to ask for permission to have people over.” As long as they’re female, and don’t want to fuck you, I add silently.
I take out my wallet and leave a few $20’s. “I don’t have shit around here to eat. Buy whatever you need from the market.”
She gives me a little smile. God, I love her smiles.
“You don’t have to do that, I have money.” I give her a pointed look. “But thank you, I’ll go grocery shopping and do some cooking. I’ll be fine.”
I check the time on my phone again. “Fuck, I’ve got to go.” I unwind my house key from my keyring, place it in her palm, and wrap her fingers around it. “I’ll make an extra when I get back, but you need to lock up. I want you to always have the door locked when I’m not here.”
She nods her agreement. “Be safe!” She always tells me and hugs me tight around the middle. Those sparkling diamonds peer up at me through delicate eyelashes.
“Bye, doll.” I kiss her forehead for a beat too long.
She beams at me. “Miss you already.”
I walk out the door and the lock clicks behind me. Good girl.
As I walk to my truck, my heart bangs against my ribcage trying to get back to her, like it always does. But this time it’s worse.
Because for the first time, I’m leaving when she’s all mine.