Chapter 19
The smell of chocolate invades my nose as I unlock the door to my temporary house.
A song comes from the kitchen, and the melody is upbeat yet serene, like something you’d hear in a workout studio on a Monday morning to get everyone hyped up.
A scrape of noise follows it, and I realize that Evan is home, even though he should be at the restaurant.
What time is it?I think to myself.
“Hey.” He stands in the doorway, a light blue half-apron tied around his waist.
There is a dusting of flour on his cheek, the ingredient caught in the longer-than-normal stubble there. God, why does he have to be so beautiful? I’ve sworn to keep him off-limits, to not even go there, but living with this gorgeous specimen doesn’t make that easy.
“I have to talk to you about something.”
Then I remember why I can’t let myself want him. He knows too much and has seen me be too vulnerable. To him, I’m not some pretty, peppy girl he can have a good time with. I’m baggage; I’m a chore. Or at least that’s how I look at myself.
And the last thing I want is his pity.
“What’s up?” I have no idea what he’s about to say.
Watching Evan suck in a deep breath through his nose sets my nerves on edge because this seems ominous.
“I told you that day at Lily,” I flinch at the memory of that conversation, “I will never keep things from you. Even if they hurt you, or us. I’m honest, August, and at least you can appreciate that. Which is why I have to show you this.”
Evan hands me the folder in his hands, his face a mask of sadness. What the hell is in there? Has he found more on my mother? Am I going to sink even further into her pit of debt?
I take it from him, my hand almost pushing it back in his direction so I don’t have to look inside. I’m not sure how much more bad news I can take.
Opening the manila folder, I let my eyes scan over the papers inside: loan documents, financial records, and bank statements. The stack is thick, with some correspondence marked with the … Bethson University letterhead? What the hell are letters from my alma matter doing in this folder?
That’s when a bunch of words catch my eye: Warren and Alana, tuition, scholarship, full ride.
Holy fuck, I think I’m going to be sick.
“I did try to soften the blow with my award-winning brownies, extra cinnamon caramel sauce on the side. If that makes a difference?”
Evan is trying to make a joke to soften the mood, but I barely even hear it over the buzzing in my ears.
It hits me all at once, like puzzle pieces slamming together so fast that the entire image clicks and then shatters.
I didn’t earn a full scholarship to college. My tuition wasn’t paid for by my hard work and dedication. No, not even close. Instead, Warren and Alana went behind my back.
If I’m reading this correctly, which is hard through tears and the rage that is making my hands shake, they created some fake scholarship that only I applied to. They gifted me money through no merit of my own, simply so they could pay for my college without me objecting to it. Which I did many times to their faces. Yet they still betrayed me, went behind my back, and did this.
Hurt cuts so deep that I wouldn’t be surprised to look at my chest and find a gaping wound there. Out of all the stabs in the back I’ve taken in my life, this one feels the most personal. It slices through me like I’m going to have to sew myself back together in a pattern I’ve never been before.
“When will enough be enough?” I throw my hands up, the folder scattering, my voice rising.
Tears sting my throat as the papers in front of me blur together.
“First, I have to grow up with that horrible excuse for a mother, then she dies and leaves me to clean up her mess. And oh, wait, not only is her house fucking underwater, but she’s got illegal gambling debts some guy is threatening me over? And hold on, that’s going to sideline my whole career!” Hysteria has reached into my brain and taken hold. “And because of that, I’ll have to live with the guy who I’ve had a huge crush on forever, except he could give two shits about me. But because that’s not bad enough, then I admit it out loud to him. To you! And I have to keep living with you! Though, the universe has decided that I’m still worthy of some more punishment, because now you’re giving me evidence that the only person who I’ve ever trusted implicitly, who is like family to me, has been lying to me for years. Years! Not only did he go behind my back, but everything I thought I earned myself was a total sham.”
“August, I understand you’re upset, but?—”
Hysteria tinges my blood. “Upset? No, no, I don’t think you understand what I am. I’m livid. I’m off the deep end. I’m going to fucking kill Warren and Alana. I’m so angry at them, I feel like I don’t even know who they are anymore!”
Evan holds his hands palms up like he’s trying to wave a cape at a bull ready to charge.
“Just hold on. I know you’re pissed at them, I’m not thrilled with what I found. But they did this because they love you. With everything going on with that guy who came by here the other night, you need as much support around you as you can get right now.”
My breath freezes in my lungs, and my mind doing a one-eighty to race down another track. “You didn’t tell anyone about that, did you?”
He shakes his head. “I haven’t, but I think we should. It’s not safe, August, and I’d hate myself if anything happened to you. What that guy is doing is illegal, or worse, and you don’t deserve to be swept up in it.”
“Don’t you take it upon yourself to solve this.” My voice is harsh. “And don’t tell a soul. You don’t need to be involved in this?—”
“I don’t need to be involved? We’re living together, August! Even if you’ve been avoiding me, or we’re pretending not to have this elephant in every room we walk into, I don’t want to see you hurt. I don’t want you in danger. Why won’t you just fucking let me help?”
Because I don’t need anyone’s help, but I don’t say that.
“I’m so fucking tired of the world body checking me into the ground. When will I have suffered enough? Never once in my life have I felt like I’ve truly dug myself out of the hole that I was apparently born into. I can’t simply have one thing for my own, one thing I can control and just have out of pure want.”
Evan’s hand comes up to my shoulder, rubbing there as if he’s attempting to comfort me. “August, that’s not true. You’re the most hard-working, resilient person I’ve ever known. You deserve everything.”
“Oh, yeah? Then why wouldn’t you make a move on me? You know how I feel, how I’ve felt, now that I admitted it. I see it in your eyes sometimes, that you’ve wanted to kiss me since I came back to Hope Crest. Yet you haven’t. And it’s probably because I’m me, and you’re small-town fucking royalty.”
I’m playing with fire, letting my emotions lash out in every direction like I’m trying to strike something to blame. My breaths come out in pants, and it feels like all my nerves are burning under my skin.
“You’re worked up over this, and taking it out on me, I see that. But don’t you dare?—”
I don’t let him finish because I’ve made the decision for us. For once in my life, I take something that I want, consequences be damned. It’s not thought out or even the right thing to do, but at this moment, it’s what I crave. It’s what I desperately want.
So, I rush Evan, pressing up on my toes and capturing his mouth with mine before he can push me away.
The minute our lips touch, I feel a surge of electricity ripple down my body. It’s so intense that I latch on to Evan all the way, almost at the exact moment his arms wind around my waist. It’s also the split second in which his mouth moves too, the shock of my advance wearing off, and he slips his tongue past the seam of my lips.
A moan fills my ears, and I realize it’s a guttural noise from my throat, the relief from the sexual tension between us for weeks now finally breaking over me like a tidal wave. I fuel all the frustration, anger, and waiting I felt it into the kiss.
We’re both hungry for it; his hands in my hair, my fingers pushing past the hem of his shirt, my clothed breasts rubbing against his chest, the feel of him hardening against my hip. Our bodies undulate with the make-out session, neither of us breaking for air or to question if this is smart.
Because it’s not, we both know it. But it’s been coming for too long, the destiny of it already written since we first moved down the hall from one another. There is no going back now, not until I burn it all down.
After all, it turns out almost everything in my miserable life has been a lie. What is one more bad decision to add to my pile? I have no idea what’s going on in Evan’s mind, but my feelings for him are all tangled up in my lust-fueled need to feel nothing for just one night … and I’m not falling off this wagon.
“August, hold on …” Looks like Evan is going to attempt to push me off instead.
His hair is mussed up from my hands, and his lips are red from how hard we were kissing. Those sapphire eyes are dilated with need, and I can practically feel the beat of his pulse where my arms lie around his neck. Evan is the picture of a hot, horny man right now, and I’m desperate for him to take it out on me.
“No, I don’t want to hold on. I just found out that everyone in my life has basically been making decisions for me, and this one is mine. Are you saying yes, or are you saying no?” I’m so tired of our back and forth.
He blows out a breath; our bodies still pressed together. “For all the times I imagined this, and believe me, it’s been plenty; I never wanted it to be this way. Out of anger, or because you needed an outlet.”
After confessing to the high school crush, what’s one more admission? So I let one go. “It’s obvious I’m attracted to you, and that I’ve been into you for some time. We already admitted we have no room for a serious relationship in either of our lives and come on, we both knew it was ending here one way or another. I’m ready to go, and I need to forget all of the shitty problems in my life. Don’t think so hard, Evan. Be with me. Make me feel better. Please.”
I’m not above begging right now, even though I’m probably not making a lick of sense. I’m too keyed up to concentrate, and his dick is still pressing into my front.
“I don’t want you to regret this afterward.” His expression turns to one of concern.
“You walking away would hurt me more. You wanted to help? Take me upstairs, Evan. I’m asking you to.”
I don’t add this, but for once in my life, I want to be the girl he can’t resist. I want him to make some stupid, game-time decision simply because he can’t stand the fact of not having sex with me right now. I want him to want to erase all my problems, even if it’s for a few hours.
A beat passes, and I think he’s going to reject me, my heart teetering on the edge of shattering. But then he surprises me, those skilled chef hands reaching under my ass and hoisting me up until I’m straddling him in midair.
Our mouths collide again, electric jolts of lust and pleasure tingling all over my body. With every step he takes, our pelvises rub together, and I’m moaning so loud into his mouth the neighbors might hear us. It’s been too long since someone else has touched my body, and the anticipation that Evan is about to do so is heightening every sensation.
He turns for his bedroom at the top of the stairs, and in two seconds flat, we’re falling back onto his mattress.
“I’ve dreamed about tasting this mouth, and it’s so much better than any flavor I’ve had before.” For him to say that is a compliment of the highest order.
My hands slip past his T-shirt, trying to shove it over his head, so he sits back on his knees and uses one hand to accomplish the mission I started. Lean muscle and a smattering of golden hair trail over his stomach, and a flood of warmth fills my core at seeing him like this. He’s so beautiful in a completely masculine way, and I’ve waited so long to have this.
With eyes hooded and zoned in on me, Evan reaches for the button on my jeans. Blunt fingertips skate over my lower stomach and hips as he begins to shimmy them off me, and I feel the blaze start. Licking up the backs of my thighs, engulfing the hot button between my legs, pebbling my nipples. By the time he has the pants off me, I’m squirming with the need for more pressure or relief.
“You’re so goddamn pretty, August. These legs drive me insane. Half the time, I can’t concentrate when you walk into a room.” Callused palms run up my skin from toe to hip, and I fist the sheets with how good that alone feels. “You wet for me?”
That question out of his mouth has me growing impossibly wetter, the flood between my thighs almost embarrassing. I nod and bite my lip, not trusting myself to speak.
Evan hovers over me now, pushing my shirt up and over my bra until I pull it over my head. I’m left in nothing but my bra and panties, writhing on the bed for him.
“I don’t know how I deserve this, but if it helps you, I’m more than happy to take it.” He groans, bringing his fist to his mouth to bite down on it as he studies me beneath him.
My heart is thundering in my chest as I reach for the zipper on his pants, this whole thing going slower than I intended. I expected Evan to deliver a quick fuck, something we didn’t need to think about or regret as we were in the process of doing it. But ever since we reached his bed, he’s taken precise, careful motions to seduce me.
“I need you,” I tell him, trying to speed everything up.
“Patience, beautiful. I’m enjoying this masterpiece.” He bends to kiss me, his lips caressing mine, stoking my entire body to a new level of inferno.
I shouldn’t be surprised; Evan is nothing if not a high-handed perfectionist with the ability to make razor-thin cuts and present works of art with a sleight of hand. His attention to detail is his biggest asset in the kitchen, so of course, he wouldn’t rush through this. Part of me feels like it could be because he thinks I’m special, but I don’t dare let myself get carried away with that thought.
My hands find his zipper as we kiss, one of his palms working my nipples as his tongue dives into my mouth. I work him free, my fingertips connecting with the bulging head of his dick, and he hisses down my throat.
“August …” He nearly growls as my fist circles around him.
He’s hot and heavy in my palm, his cock smooth but steel-hard at the same time. I pump it up and down, relishing in the feeling of control I have over him right now. If nothing else is certain in my life right now, at least I can make Evan feel good when I want, how I want.
The minute I feel his hand enter my panties and skate down, I begin to shake. I’m close, embarrassingly close, and all of that anger I felt before is now being redirected into the mind-numbing orgasm I’m hovering on the edge of.
“Fucking perfect.” He groans as he pushes a finger inside me.
My hips buck with the fullness, but I need so much more. “More, please, Evan, more.”
“Fuck, you’re sucking my finger and holding it,” he marvels, rotating the digit inside me until he curls it up to find that spot that makes me see stars.
The sensation steals my breath, and when he adds another finger and pumps in and out again, I’m grasping for the sheets.
“You’re so pretty, coming on my hand. Give it all to me, show me how much you like it,” he coos near my ear.
I unleash, those dirty words of praise my undoing. The climax hits a peak and has me tumbling from the highest mountain, every jolt of pleasure wracking my body on the way down. I pulsate on his hand, riding the orgasm, and I catch a glimpse of Evan watching with awe, a tiny smirk on his lips.
“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life,” he whispers, kissing me roughly, even as his fingers are still inside me.
I gyrate against them, pushing his pants past his hips even farther as I try to line us up.
“You’re sure?” he asks me again, and I think it’s sweet he’s checking once more.
I nod and watch as he leans over to dispose of the rest of his clothing and grab a condom from his nightstand. Idly, I wonder if he thought this might happen and stocked them in case, but I don’t want to venture too deep down that rabbit hole of other girls.
I roll my hips up slightly as Evan moves over me, his tip bumping against my entrance. We both suck in a breath, watching as he slides in just a little bit.
“Holy fuck,” he bites out.
His cock spreads me, the sting of pain that always comes before sex, since I don’t have it often, making me sharply inhale again.
“Take it off.” His hand pulls at my bra. “I need to see you fully bare.”
I do as I’m told, wriggling to pull off the cotton, and Evan’s eyes darken even more. The slide of his dick even farther into me has every nerve ending vibrating with energy, and I can’t seem to look anywhere but at where we connect.
“I’ve thought about this since the first minute I saw you sleeping on Warren’s couch,” he confesses, and I try to hide my shock.
I didn’t even realize he saw me there that first night.
“I’ve thought about this for a very long time.” I think I might be blushing, but who cares since the guy is literally inside me as it is.
We both sigh as he seats his cock fully inside, my inner walls rippling around him. Those rough hands come up to cup my cheeks, and the tender kiss he plants on my mouth surprises me as he starts to move in earnest.
“God, you feel so fucking good.” I can’t help when it pops out of my mouth.
“Baby, you’re perfection. Never felt anything better in my life,” Evan responds.
Our hands roam everywhere, the dark shadows of the bedroom concealing some of his expressions but not the noises he’s making. Or that we’re making as we connect. The slap of skin and the wetness of me coating his cock is all so erotic that I can feel the breath leaving my chest as I try to process it.
“Yes, yes, yes …” I chant, that ever-elusive feeling building in me for a second time.
No guy has ever successfully brought me to orgasm; it’s always been my job during sex or foreplay to figure out a way to get myself there. But with Evan? I’m about to come for a second time and feels like I could keep right on going.
“I need to hear it again, August,” he encourages me.
Then I feel the pad of his thumb on my clit, and I’m tipping right over the edge. The fullness, the intensity, the over-sensitivity … I’ve never felt so ethereal in my life.
And all because of this man letting me lose control with him.