Chapter 21
One call to Alana and I figure out that Warren is over at the old inn again.
I play it off like I’m just looking to talk to him about something to do with my résumé, when in reality, I’m on the warpath. Finding out he’s at the site of a place he offered to buy for me only makes me more furious. What’s he doing there, trying to buy the inn for me and lie about something else as he tries to foist it on me?
Rationality isn’t even registering right now, even with Evan’s talk to me before I stormed out of his bedroom. I can’t let thoughts of his disappointed expression filter into my brain or how he held me after we had sex. Once upon a time, being in his bed and doing that would have been my ultimate dream. I wouldn’t have left that moment unless you dragged me out by my hair.
But now? Now I’m harder. I’ve been through hell since coming back here, and I’m still in it. While being with Evan like that was incredible, more than I dreamed of, orgasmic, euphoric … I can’t let myself get lost in it. There is too much to focus on now, too many things to juggle. If I pursue a silly crush with my roommate of all people, it may all come tumbling down.
When I pull up, I see Warren’s car parked in front of the dilapidated building, and an eerie sense of calm washes over me. I’m furious, yes, but I’m also in control. I know something that he doesn’t know I know yet, and it feels like I have the upper hand.
The man I thought of as my mentor, role model, and biggest champion steps out of the front door.
“You going to buy this place and lie to me about it?” I stomp up, my voice a bitter clip.
Warren jumps a little, obviously thinking he’s alone, but takes me in. He knows me better than anyone, and I see his eyes assessing me.
He knocks on one of the columns on the front porch. “Who said I was buying it for you?”
That genuine grin, the way he’s so calculated in everything he does, even if it’s for good, has rage bubbling up in me. So much for having the upper hand and playing this cool.
“You’re a piece of shit,” I yell, anger rolling off me in waves.
“Woah, woah, what is going on?” Warren holds his hands palms up, as if waving a white flag.
Fury singes my veins as I look at him, and a ripple of deep sadness mixes in my blood at the same time. This is the person who I trusted most implicitly in my world, and he betrayed me just like the rest. It hurts way more than any other letdown I’ve ever had because I wasn’t expecting it.
“My scholarship. The one that gave me a full ride to college. The one I worked so hard for that got me away from this place and my mother. You know that one? Well, of course you do, you paid for it. And then had Alana lie about it, however you two pulled it off. Next time you decide to stab me in the back, you probably shouldn’t leave the paperwork lying around the house you let me stay in for free.”
“Auggy, stop, I can explain …” His eyes are wide, his expression one of panic.
He knows he’s been caught, and I can see the wheels turning of how he can pedal back to convince me I’m being crazy.
“Don’t even try to gaslight me, Warren. What you did was wrong, so fucking wrong. You lied to me! You went behind my back to set up something that I explicitly told you I didn’t want. Back before I went to college, I turned down your offer to pay for it. So you bypassed me, misled me, and did so anyway without me ever knowing. Do you know how fucking stupid this makes me feel?”
I’m nearly in tears with how betrayed I feel.
Warren approaches me, and I back up a step.
“My whole life, I was lied to and manipulated by the one person who was supposed to love me. You know how that is. Yet you chose to do the same thing.”
His eyes are glassy as he stares at me. “August, I’m so sorry. I hate that I ever made you feel this way. But I won’t apologize for setting you up to have a life you deserve. I love you like family, and if I could give you the world, I would. You wouldn’t let me, so yes, I went behind your back. Maybe I shouldn’t have, maybe I should have tried to wear you down about accepting my money, but you weren’t listening.”
Rage flares in my gut. “Because I gave you a clear answer, and you still railroaded me into something I didn’t want. All along, I didn’t even know it! You’re no better than her!”
It’s a low blow, and he cocks his head back like I’ve slapped him. “That’s not true, and you know it. You know I’m nothing like her. I care for you out of love and goodness, and I’ve only ever wanted the best for you.”
“And you’ve lied to do so. You influenced me without me knowing; I took that scholarship because it was the best offer I had. What if I didn’t want to go to Bethson?”
Now, Warren rolls his eyes. “Don’t rewrite history because you’re mad at me. You loved Bethson, you loved your program, and you would have regretted going anywhere else. I know you’re pissed, and you have every right to be. But please, be reasonable. Look at the facts. Look at how much Alana and I care about you. How our whole family thinks of you as one of our own.”
“That’s the thing, though. I’m not one of you. I’m not an Ashton. I’m my own little island getting through this shithole called life, and I’m perfectly fine doing so.” I sound like a petulant child, but I can’t stop.
“Let’s fix this. Let’s sit down, talk, figure out how to see each other’s perspectives.” He tries to bargain with me, but I’m done discussing this.
“No. I’ll … I guess I’ll find a way to pay you back the money for college.” At some point.
Maybe in the next hundred years.
I’ll be dead and gone, and the debt I now owe to Warren will still be next to my name.
He shakes his head vehemently. “Absolutely not. You earned that scholarship, no matter the circumstances. I don’t want a dime, and I better not see one. I’m serious, August.”
Well, I am, too. There is only one way I can leave this all behind, and that is by wiping the entire slate clean. I may hate it, and I may feel like I’m in my own personal hell, but I am going to settle every score marked against me before I leave Hope Crest.
“And I’m serious when I say I don’t want anything else from you. No help, no support, no words of advice. You’ve proven to be just like everyone else in my orbit, only there to control or manipulate me.”
Inside, my heart is cracking wide open. My mother hasn’t been able to wound me in years, not since I conditioned myself at a young age never to get my hopes up for her kindness in regard to me. But Warren? I thought the best of him.
That’s ruined now. A hollow loneliness settles over my bones, and I feel truly and utterly alone for the first time in my life.
“August, you don’t mean that. Stop?—”
He attempts to reason with me, but I run back to my car. The thing I want most is to leave this town and never return. Unfortunately, that’s not an option.
My mother’s life insurance money came in yesterday, and I’m still debating what to do with it. Aside from Evan, none of the other Ashtons, know about the gambling debt, and if I use it to pay off the seedy guy who spooked me in the driveway, I will only have twenty-five grand left over to put toward the mortgage. That means years more of paying off the house she strapped me with. Now, with the information I found about the scholarship, that debt has just quadrupled. I’ll never get out from under it.
With some solid jobs here and a mountain of payments tying me to Hope Crest, leaving for a salaried position in some city is out of the picture for the time being. Do I suggest working for Alana for free to pay back the tuition they tricked me into paying for? That would mean absolutely no income for at least two of my jobs, which I need to pay off the mortgage.
The helpless spiral catches in my lungs, stealing my breath as I try to drive. Panic grips me by the throat and the head rush makes my vision spot. I pull over with uncoordinated haste and throw the driver’s door open as I drop to my knees on the shoulder of the road.
The river rushes past below, with the water masking some of the sounds of my retching as I empty the contents of my stomach.
Looking out into the valley, I wonder what would happen if the water just swept me away from my problems. Because, at this point, I have no idea how I’m going to solve them.