Heath Chapter 6
As I held Danae after our spectacular makeup-sex session, I fought back my tears. It wasn’t manly to cry, no matter the reason. But the truth was, I was so relieved she forgave me and would allow me to be with her and our daughter that it made me emotional.
I’d thought I’d learned as a kid not to allow people close enough to hurt you.
Sure, my friendship with Ben was tight, and my relationship with the other Patriots and their families was a couple of steps below that.
But none of them was what Danae was in my heart.
Without her, I would’ve been an empty shell going through the motions of being a living person, but in reality, I was already dead.
It had taken her only four months to take over my heart.
Those thoughts brought back my childhood. There was more that she needed to know about the man she was with. I hadn’t mentioned it before, because I wanted nothing to mar our happiness. But if we were to be together for good, she deserved to know.
Our bodies had cooled, and I eased my hold. First, we needed to shower, then I’d tell her. She glanced up at me, and I gave her a small smile.
“We need to get cleaned up. Let me start the water. I’ll be back to get you. Rest.”
I placed a quick peck on her lips, then eased out of her hold.
The walk to the bathroom wasn’t far. I turned the shower up to high to heat the water quickly.
I took time to take a piss before I returned to her.
Danae was curled up on the bed, staring toward the bathroom.
When I reached her, I scooped her up in my arms. Her arm went around my neck as she protested.
“Heath, I can walk.”
“I know you can. But I want you to save your energy. I’m hoping we can repeat that later if you’re feeling well enough. Even if you’re not, I still prefer you not to be exhausted. You worked all day,” I explained during the short walk to the shower.
I tested the spray, adjusted the temperature, and then carried her into the stall with me. I placed her on her feet and set out to wash her. It gave me the excuse to touch her entire body.
However, what should’ve taken all my attention kept being pushed aside by the past and what I had to tell her. I thought I was covering it up, but I soon discovered I wasn’t when she moved out of my reach.
She turned her back to me and said softly, “I’ll wash myself. If you want, you can get out. I’ll do it quickly, and then you can come back to wash yourself. Or I’ll get out and wait.”
Her words carried an undertone that caught my attention. It sounded like worry mixed with hurt. I spun her around to face me. Her head was lowered. She wasn’t looking me in the face. I raised her head. When our eyes met, hers darted to the right.
“Danae, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing. I just thought you might prefer to shower alone.”
“I’ve always preferred showering with you. You know that. Why would it be different?” I was at a loss.
She remained silent. When she didn’t say anything, I gave her a gentle shake and said, “Danae, talk to me. I know something is wrong. Tell me. What did I do?”
My heart began to race. Slowly, she peeked up at me. Her forehead was furrowed. I saw the unease.
“I just realized that my body is already different from the last time we had sex. Yeah, my breasts are bigger, but my stomach isn’t flat or hard anymore.
I’ve gained weight, though not a lot. And I’m only going to get bigger.
When my stomach pops, that’ll be a big visual change.
I understand that we’re not in the heat of the moment, and those are probably registering. I can’t do anything about that, Heath.”
Astonishment left me speechless for a few seconds, then I spoke. “What in the world made you think that? I told you how beautiful you are. You clearly saw how much I want you.”
“Yeah, but that was when you were horny. Now, we’re in the shower, and that has abated. You’re washing my body, but you’re not with me. I figured you were trying to ignore the differences.”
A groan escaped. I cupped her face so she had to stay looking at me.
“Danae, I love seeing the changes to your body. To know that I had a hand in that. I’m stoked to see what else will change.
And I love that it’s my daughter, growing inside you, who is causing those changes.
You’re a miracle with what your body can do.
I don’t give a damn how much weight you gain.
Or if your tummy is never flat or hard again.
None of that will alter how much I desire and love you. ”
She blinked rapidly as her eyes grew glassy with tears. She swallowed twice before she replied.
“Are you sure? I know this turns some men off. I hadn’t thought about it until now.”
“I’m positive. And I’ll prove it in a while.
But first, we need to get clean, eat dinner, and there’s something I want to talk about.
It’s what’s distracting me, not you. With our renewed commitment to our relationship, there are a few things I believe you should know.
We’ve never talked about our childhoods, and I want to tell you about mine. ”
She grimaced. “Yeah, we should. I want you to know about mine, too. Okay, let’s finish this, then we can eat and talk.”
Her words had me wondering what she had to tell me. Without delay, we got back to washing each other.
???
Our shower and dinner were done. After we’d cleaned ourselves, I’d ordered pizza when she mentioned she had a craving for it when I asked what she wanted to eat. The food had hit the spot. We were now seated on the couch. I had her cuddled up against me. It was time.
“Okay, talk time. Would you like to go first?” I asked her.
“No, if you don’t mind. I’d like to hear what you have to say first.”
“Alright. Let me start by saying that it isn’t exactly pretty.
It shaped the man I am today, but not precisely in ways most people might assume.
My first memory is of me being in a room with several adults.
If I had to guess, I’d say I was three or four years old.
At the time, I knew two of them were my parents.
The rest, I have no clue. I was on the floor, crying.
I have no idea why. All around me were loud voices and other noises.
Some were laughing, while the rest shouted obscenities.
Then there was the loud sound, which I know now was flesh on flesh, followed by a cry of pain. Someone was hit.
“Being an adult, I can interpret what that scene represented, as well as what the other objects were, maybe because I saw it repeatedly as I grew older. It was a group partying together. They were drinking and doing drugs. Some of them were hard drugs. No one paid attention to me. Or if they did, I was yelled at to shut up. Sometimes, I’d be slapped, spanked, hit, or sent to my room.
“As I got older, I automatically hid in my room when my parents and their so-called friends were there. Looking back, I know that Mom was an alcoholic, and Dad was an alcoholic and drug addict. But for me, they were my parents. When I got old enough to go to school, I learned early to stay quiet about what went on at home. And if I ended up with a bruise, I hid it. My parents seemed to be good at leaving marks under my clothes.”
“Oh, God, Heath, honey, I’m so sorry,” Danae cried.
“Thank you, but I’m not telling you this for sympathy.
I survived it, and there are kids out there who survived much worse.
I want you to know what helped to form the Heath you love and want to spend your life with.
I can swear to you, I’ve never drunk to excess.
I’ve never done drugs. I’m not physically or verbally abusive.
Those were the attributes I grew up determined not to pass down.
“My parents, due to their addictions, found it hard to hold down jobs. Mom could mask it better than Dad, so when there was money coming in from working, it was hers. Dad tried to make money on the side by dealing drugs. It wasn’t largely successful because he spent most of what he earned on drugs for himself.
“I was ten when I started finding jobs in the neighborhood or town that would earn me money. I mowed yards and cleaned up people’s trash.
If they needed their house painted or just about anything else, I did it.
The one thing I refused to do was to work for any of Dad’s supposed friends in their drug businesses.
They tried to pressure me, but I refused, no matter how badly I was beaten for it.
“I was determined to get away when I turned eighteen and never look back.
I kept my mouth shut about what my home life was like because I had heard horror stories about foster care.
As I got older, I could escape when things were bad.
I was counting the days. Despite how unstable my home life was, I knew having my diploma was key, so I went to school even though I was bullied about my ratty clothes.
Or I was, until I went through a growth spurt in high school and started working out.
“Then, the day of my sixteenth birthday rolled around. I wasn’t expecting any acknowledgement of it.
Mom had stopped making even a token effort to acknowledge that day when I was about ten.
Dad had never remembered it. Anyway, I came home from school and found the house empty.
Looking around, I noticed that anything of value, like the TV and a shitty stereo, was gone.
I hurried to check out the rest of the house.
I wondered who the hell would rob us. We didn’t have shit.
That’s when I found my parents’ room mostly empty—no clothes or personal effects.
I found the answer when I got to the kitchen. On the table was a note.”
When I paused, she squeezed me tighter. I kept speaking.