Chapter 6 #2
Rhett gives him a nod, looking choked up. “Come in, come in.”
We head inside to a living room where there’s a gorgeous blonde sitting in a padded rocking chair. Rhett hands the baby bundle to her and she tosses a miniature-sized blanket over her shoulder and places the baby under it. When I realize she’s breastfeeding right in front of us, I avert my eyes.
Deuce introduces me and I paste on a thick smile and say all the right small-talk things. We get seated on a love seat and Rhett insists on getting us some water.
“I hear you’re helping Deuce with his boutique during this year’s Battle of the Boutiques,” Mary London says with a baby attached to her boob. I mean, she’s under a blanket and I can’t see it happening, but like, I know it’s happening. We all do.
“Uh, yes, yes, I am.”
“That’s so great! More the merrier. Lord knows it takes a village to put on that show.”
“I told her I didn’t need the help, but she insisted,” Deuce says, his arm coming around my shoulders. He pats my shoulder. “Isn’t that right, baby?”
His nickname chafes like a cheese grater on sunburned skin. “You do need the help, honeybear. Your organization leaves a bit to be desired. I can help you with that. Besides, I want to do something to help while I’m here.”
Deuce’s smile is frozen on his face. Good. I think he likes my nickname just as much as I like his. “Well then, that’ll give me more time to help my girl Maggie. With Mary London busy with the new baby, Maggie’ll need more help.”
I hate the way he keeps calling these women his girl. I’m his fucking girl. Well, according to our fake story. And he shouldn’t say those things right in front of me!
I nudge him with my shoulder. “Oh, I can help Maggie too. Don’t you worry your gorgeous head about it.”
Deuce runs his hand along his hairline without actually damaging his perfect coif. “You think I’m gorgeous?”
“Oh, you know you’re gorgeous, Deuce!” Mary London giggles. “And now you have an equally gorgeous girlfriend. You two are just adorable!”
Deuce and I smile at each other, our eyes shooting daggers. It’s Rhett coming back in the room that stops the staredown.
“Gosh, you two are something else. You practically crackle with sexual energy.” Mary London giggles some more. She stands, pulling the baby out from under the blanket and pats her back. After she gets a baby burp out of her, she walks over to the love seat and hands me the baby.
I don’t even get stunned words out of my mouth before this little heat rock of baby burps and squishy facial expressions gets dumped in my lap.
I gape at her, trying to remember what I’m supposed to do.
Hold the head or the back? Down in my arms or over my shoulder?
Oh God, does it have a diaper on? As much as I don’t love this floral dress, I don’t want to get baby poo on it on its first wear.
I end up holding little Ophelia in my arms, away from my body like she’s a wild animal that might attack.
Mary London giggles again. “You’re a natural, Landry!”
I’d laugh if I wasn’t so terrified. And then the weirdest thing happens.
The little squish opens her eyes and stares up at me, calm and happy.
Her little legs kick and suddenly my eyes are burning.
Maybe it’s the powdery scent coming from her that’s bothering my eyes. I’m allergic to babies, surely.
“Well, if you’re looking for more to do, you’re welcome to run the whole show, darlin’!” Mary London’s saying.
“You okay?” Deuce whispers, leaning in so close I don’t think anyone else heard him.
I inhale and realize it’s more of a sniffle than an inhale. Oh God. Am I crying??
I jump to my feet. The sudden jostle makes the baby screw up her face and go beet red. Then a loud wail comes from her mouth. I hand the bundle back to Mary London and only breathe again once she’s safely in her mama’s arms.
“Sure, I can do that,” I answer, swallowing hard.
“Really?” Mary London says above the screaming baby.
“Um, sure?” I’m not entirely sure what I just agreed to, but anything has to be better than holding a little human that can’t even hold its own bowels.
Mary London throws an arm around my neck and squeezes me. After a moment of shock, I tap her back awkwardly and repeatedly. Why do all the women in Heaven hug everyone?
“Don’t you worry, I’ll still help quite a bit, but this does provide quite a bit of relief.” Mary London pulls back and beams at me like I’m her new best friend. Rhett takes the screaming baby from her arms and, in a matter of a few paces across the room, has her down to a low coo.
We say our goodbyes and it’s not until we get into Deuce’s car again that he lets out a loud chuckle.
“What?” I snap.
He has to wipe his eyes before he can speak. “You just volunteered to run the whole show. What were you thinking?” He bursts out laughing again. “And the baby! God, you held it like it was a bomb about to go off.”
“I hope you forget the passwords to all your social media accounts,” I snap. How was I supposed to know how to hold a baby?
Deuce just laughs harder while I stare out the window. When he finally recovers, he backs out of the driveway.
“Well, by offering, you just became best friends with Mary London, so that’s good.”
I stare at the side of his head, the word reverberating through my brain.
Friends?
Those were about as foreign as that baby.