Chapter 24
Birds sang, chirping a familiar six a.m. tune as the sun rose, the house otherwise still. I could no longer ignore my suspicions; I knew what I needed to do.
My hands wrapped around the smooth metal lighter.
Sitting crossed-legged on the floor, I gazed at my drawings of Zal and Rabiya.
I had printed them from my iPad using my dad’s work printer and scattered them on the floor in what I suspected was chronological order.
I lingered on the image of Zal’s pained face watching mine amid flames.
I feared fire, I thought because of the way it stole my and Rabiya’s breath, burning our bones to char.
But what if my fear was also because being near fire made me confront a part of myself that I wanted hidden?
I had kept Rabiya’s fireball a secret from Zain, and subconsciously I think it was to preserve myself.
Hearing that my mum knew about jinn, and not only that but was in a dispute with div…
the explanation was so painfully obvious.
I wanted to be proved wrong, but first I needed to test my theory.
I weakly considered my actions as I raised the lighter to my eyeline, opened the cap, and flicked it. Nothing, and then—
Bright light. So bright it seared the room, and me within it.
Sharp, shooting pain jolted through my entire body in a wave, the shock of it ice cold on my skin, penetrating deep within my bones.
My brain gripped tightly by the pain, squeezing, squeezing in a vise of white light.
I couldn’t open my eyes, couldn’t yell, my lungs incapable of receiving air.
Wave after wave of agony crashed through my body.
It was my mind, though, that was most unbearable.
I wondered if my brain would explode within me, whether blood vessels would pop and pop, leaving me dead.
Time stretched on endlessly. I wanted, so badly, to be knocked out.
To die, even. And when I felt my body weakening, giving up consciousness, I embraced it. Darkness encased me.
—
“Roxana, the shipment has arrived!” Dad yelled from outside my door before I heard his footsteps retreating downstairs.
I woke with a start, sprawled on the floor, face smashed against my printed art. According to the time on my phone, I had been knocked out for over an hour. The lighter lay on the floor, innocuous, like it hadn’t almost killed me. I collected the drawings and shoved them under my bed.
How could I even care about the shipment—the clothes I had complained I needed—with what I knew now?
I was a jinn.
At least, that was where all the signs pointed. Zain himself said humans wouldn’t be affected by the light.
I left my room in a daze, moving on autopilot as I showered. If I was a jinn, did that mean my Dad was, too? And if so, why had he kept it a secret from us?
Then, brushing my teeth until my gums bled, I couldn’t help but wonder: Why didn’t I feel like a jinn? I didn’t feel evil. I felt normal—most of the time, anyway.
I wore the same jeans I had yesterday and a different T-shirt; I had no brain space to think about outfits.
And then, feigning normalcy, I went downstairs and was greeted by box upon box littering the hallway.
Two men continued to drop off more of our things, the front door wide open and a huge delivery truck on the street.
I needed to get out of here.
Dad poked his head out from the kitchen, the boxes blocking him from leaving.
The movers’ method of unloading our belongings was inefficient, but I didn’t have the energy to say anything.
Dad’s eyebrows furrowed, telling me he felt exactly the same.
“I’m going to have to work from home today,” he told me, clearly not pleased about this fact.
“Can you go out and get us something for breakfast?”
I nodded too enthusiastically. Ehsan called that he’d like a pain au chocolat, which would normally have made me roll my eyes, but instead I muttered, “Yeah, sure.”
Dad’s eyes narrowed. I wondered if he could see that I finally knew what we were, what we all were, including Ehsan.
Sweet Ehsan, who wouldn’t hurt a fly…What was it Zain had said about jinn?
They’re pure evil. I found that hard to believe now.
Jamshid himself had suggested that not all jinn were bad—but was he saying that because he was one himself?
“Did you have the dreams again?” Dad asked. He never brought them up, so I must have looked like shit. My hair was still damp, and while I had put concealer under my eyes, some things clearly couldn’t be hidden.
“Yeah,” I breathed.
He shook his head. “We’ll take you to a doctor. Maybe they’ll be better here than back home.” I doubted it. The US wasn’t exactly known for having great health care.
“The fresh air will do me good,” I said before almost bumping into one of the deliverymen, who jostled me out of the way so he could put a box where I stood. I had effectively been pushed outside, but that was good. I needed to leave.
The deliverymen left soon after I had returned.
I’d gotten us all pastries, though I was in no mood to eat mine and left it untouched.
Dad locked himself away in his office, while Ehsan was glued to his Switch.
I sat in the kitchen, staring out the window at our small backyard.
My mind wouldn’t shut up. Veins pumping with adrenaline.
Needing to busy myself, I got up and unloaded the nearest box.
This one was filled with framed pictures.
Of Ehsan at primary school. Mum and Dad on their wedding day.
A family holiday to Barcelona with us sitting at a table outside a restaurant.
I had a doll in my hand and Ehsan was tiny, Azar absent because she was the one taking the picture.
We didn’t look like jinn, just a normal Iranian family.
I moved over to the next box, and this one contained my things, my posters and figurines included.
I gathered one of my favorite dresses—it was brown gingham and tightly fitted at the bodice, flaring out at the waist. I held it to my body, clutching it desperately, like I could be transported back to the last time I wore it, when I’d known nothing about jinn or angels. When I’d been blissfully ignorant.
I took as much as I could to my room, avoiding looking at the lighter I had placed on my desk.
My phone vibrated.
Zain
When can I see you?
The words, so simple, broke something within me. If he knew what I was, he’d want nothing to do with me. And I couldn’t lie to him, so I ignored his message.
Hours passed, and I had unpacked all my belongings.
I arranged my Sonny Angels on top of my dresser and settled my Pompompurin plushie on my bed where he belonged.
Oddly, seeing him made me teary-eyed. I found space under my bed for all my sewing equipment.
The bedroom finally felt more lived-in. I watered my plant, remembering that I had wanted to propagate it.
That idea seemed pointless now that I knew I was a jinn, now that I knew I was caught up in an endless cycle with an angel I was falling for.
Because it wasn’t just Rabiya and Zal who fell in love, but many other versions of us. That was what Jamshid had said, though I only had memories of one other past life. Anyway, if it was fated, was there anything I could do to stop it? Did I have any free will in all of this?
I sat on the edge of my bed and felt something rustle in my pocket. I reached into it and found a piece of paper, folded twice. I assumed it would be a receipt, but the pages were ivory, the writing in fountain ink.
Roxana,
I magicked this into your pocket because we cannot speak freely in front of the angel. You know what you are. I am bound to withhold my knowledge of who you are, and what your union with the angel means.
However, I have enclosed a spell to summon your ancestor. He will explain all. Be warned, though: He may not leave with ease, in which case I’m enclosing a banishment spell.
Light a candle when summoning. This is important.
Fire to Earth, and yours,
Jamshid
On the back page were two spells:
Evocation
I call to thee from the great unknown,
Hear my cry, hear my moan.
I call to thee, my great ancestor,
I demand you, I decree you.
Show yourself.
Banishment
I banish thee from this plane.
I decree thee to exit here.
Hear my roar and leave.
I demand you with all my power:
Be here no more.
Well, shit.