34. Chapter 34
34
“ W hat’s Gavin hiding?” I asked Ash, standing from the bed and knotting the belt of my robe around my waist.
Gavin was keeping a secret from me? I wasn’t sure how such a thing was possible, what with bits of Gavin’s thoughts and emotions leaking across the bond we now shared. And based on Ash’s tone, Gavin hadn’t been hiding something small and trifling from me. This was a big, bad secret.
“A consort shouldn’t withhold anything from his queen,” Ash said, the muscles of his chest, shoulders, and arms bunching as he buckled his belt. “It’s not right.”
The confirmation dampened the lingering bliss from our joining, and my overwhelming awareness of the brand new bond faded until I could feel the others tethered to my heart as well. I became all too aware of the two men out in the hallway, hovering at the door to Ash’s sitting room. I had gone from feeling perpetually alone to drowning in people who cared about me, and it was all a little overwhelming.
“I need a minute,” I muttered, hurrying toward the cracked-open bathroom door.
Really, I needed about a decade before confronting Gavin about whatever he had been withholding from me, but a minute to clean myself up would have to do. I could hardly be poised and dignified in my demand for answers with the remnants of Ash’s and my passion seeping down my inner thighs.
For a long moment, I stood at the sink, staring into the mirror and attempting to reconcile my inner self-image with the woman reflected in the glass. But my reflection looked more like my mom than like me, with gleaming auburn waves, bright aquamarine eyes the color of a tropical sea, and alabaster skin that seemed to shimmer with an ethereal incandescence. The woman reflected back at me had a wild, unrestrained beauty, like a volcano or a lightning storm. She wasn’t me .
But she was who I should have been. Who had been hiding within me all along. I knew that, but it was going to take some getting used to.
Laughing under my breath—because, really, what else could I do?—I turned on the faucet. I splashed cold water on my face, then dried off with the hand towel hanging on the towel rack wall. Using the same hand towel, I wiped my inner thighs clean before tossing the soiled cloth into the hamper tucked under the counter.
Again gazing into the mirror, I combed my fingers through my tangled waves but could do nothing to tame the unruly mane. Thankfully, Ash kept a small ceramic dish filled with hair ties on the counter. I plucked one free and pulled my hair back, tying it in a low ponytail. Not even close to classy or sophisticated, but better than bedhead.
Feeling a little more dignified, I pulled open the bathroom door. And shrieked, stumbling back a step.
Ash stood at the threshold, his hands pressed flat against the wall on either side of the door frame like he was restraining himself from coming into the bathroom after me. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice a low rumble. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” He pushed himself backward until he no longer blocked the doorway. “Are you all right?”
I nodded and released a breathy laugh. “I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting you to be right there ,” I said, gesturing to the doorway in front of me.
Now that I had three active bonds—plus the tenuous, imperceptible connection to Javier and the blood link to Thane—it was becoming much harder to differentiate and interpret my inner awareness of my consorts. I had been so focused on Gavin and Bastian waiting impatiently out in the hallway that I hadn’t noticed Ash had nearly followed me into the bathroom.
“Gavin’s out there,” I said, hugging my middle and looking toward the sitting room and the hallway beyond.
“I know,” Ash said. “I can hear him—and the shifter, if I’m not mistaken.”
My eyebrows rose. “Can you feel them, too?” Did my bond with the others somehow connect them all to one another as well?
Ash shook his head. “Shifters’ hearts beat faster than those of any other humanoid,” he offered and extended a large hand toward me. “Give Gavin a chance to tell you himself. If he won’t, I will.”
Tentatively, I stepped forward and placed my hand in his.
Ash curled his fingers around mine, engulfing my hand completely, and pulled me closer to him. He settled his other hand on the crook of my neck, his thumb skimming up and down the column of my throat. “The fourth consort in a queen’s harem is traditionally her vengeful blade, smiting all who have wronged her,” he said, gazing down at me with fierce intensity. “I will gladly fulfill this role, unless you have another in mind for me.”
Unsure how to respond, I licked my lips and smiled weakly. “If smiting makes you happy, the role is all yours.” My brow furrowed, dread pooling in my gut as I considered what had prompted him to bring this up. “How bad is Gavin’s secret?”
Ash pressed his lips together, his expression turning foreboding. “I’ll let you decide that,” he said, pulling his hand away from my neck and turning toward the doorway, my hand still held tight in his.
My heart hammered as we left the bedroom and crossed the sitting room to the suite door. I could feel Gavin and Bastian out there, both concerned, but in very different ways. The low drone of their voices crossed the barrier of the door, though I couldn’t make out their words. Ash most certainly could.
Ash grunted quietly, displeased by whatever he heard out in the hallway, and released my hand and walked ahead, his long strides eating up the floor between us and the door. He gripped the handle and peered back at me, his eyebrows raised in question. Was I ready?
I pushed back my shoulders and smoothed down the front of my robe, and then I nodded for Ash to open the door.
“—not a child,” Bastian’s voice drifted into the sitting room. “She needs us to protect her, not control her.”
“I’m not trying to control her,” Gavin snapped. “I’m trying to keep her alive.”
In my mind, I had pictured Gavin and Bastian standing at the door, shoulder to shoulder, ready to break down the door to get to me. That was how they felt. It was not at all how I found them.
Bastian leaned back against the opposite wall, his concern fading as soon as he saw me. A faint smirk curved his lips, almost like he was pleased I’d overheard this part of their discussion . He glanced sideways at Gavin, who appeared to have been pacing up and down the hallway and was currently stalking toward Ash’s door.
“See, she’s fine,” Bastian said, gesturing toward me. He looked from me to Ash and back, no hint of jealousy in his expression or leaking across our bond. “Better than fine, from the looks of it.”
I stepped out into the hallway, and Ash followed, a tangible shadow at my back.
“She is not fine,” Ash countered.
I flashed Bastian a quick smile, then peeked over my shoulder to see Ash glowering at Gavin’s approaching form.
“Tell her,” Ash said.
Gavin stopped in front of us and narrowed his eyes. “It’s not your place to—”
“I am her Fourth, and you have betrayed her,” Ash growled. “It is exactly my place to ensure this wrong is righted.”
Gavin clenched and unclenched his jaw.
“Tell her,” Ash demanded. “Or I will.”
Sighing, Gavin shifted his focus to me. “You were meant to be part of a trade,” he admitted, like the words were being dragged out of him. Jaw clenched, he looked from me to Ash and back. “With the Sun King.”