47. Chapter 47
I stood under the stream in the shower in Bastian’s room, alone but for the suffocating company of my somber thoughts. Steam gathered around me, and the air felt as heavy as my heart when I drew it into my lungs.
Gavin was gone. Not gone gone, but gone enough that he left a gaping hole in my world. How had he become so essential to me in such a short period? He had turned my life upside down, reminding me of my true self. In so many ways, he had saved me. Even if I didn’t know him well, I trusted him, and more importantly, I respected him. In just a few days, he had proved his nobility to me time and again. He would always put our people first.
Instead of returning with me, Gavin chose to stay behind in that shifter dungeon with the other queens, to keep them alive. If he had left with me, they would’ve died, and that was unacceptable to him. It was as simple as that. And as much as it stung to know I wasn’t always his priority, I understood and respected his decision. Hell, I likely would have agreed it was the right thing to do in that situation if he had only had the time to explain. But he hadn’t had time, and now he was gone.
I could sense Bastian outside the bathroom, trying not to hover. It didn’t really matter if he was in here with me physically or not, his thoughts were zeroed in on me, all hesitancy and concern, which meant he was with me nonetheless. Still, I appreciated the gesture. I had been alone for so long that solitude was how I coped.
I sensed Ash as well, one of the few bright spots in the darkness surrounding my heart. He was with Thane, in their room, taking care of the man he loved by helping him take blood from several mortals without maiming or killing them. The shifters had been keeping Thane in better shape than Javier, but he had still been tortured and was malnourished, which, as I had experienced firsthand, turned him rather savage and brutish while feeding.
And, of course, I sensed Javier. His dark, heavy emotions did little to lighten my heart, though his presence in the Moon Sanctuary was probably the only reason I wasn’t huddled on the shower floor, sobbing. I had lost Gavin, but I had regained Javier. I could feel the long-neglected bond I shared with my first bound immortal, my Prime Consort, tugging on my heart, urging me to go to him. And yet, I continued to stand under the steaming stream of water, avoiding the impending interaction.
I didn’t know what we were, Javier and me. When he vanished two decades ago, he had been my caretaker, my provider, my mentor, my teacher, my companion, and sometimes my friend. But I had been young, and he had been very careful to shield me both from the truth of our world and from the reality of my role in it. We were bound, but would he be able to see me as a woman, rather than as the girl he used to know? Would he be able to look past our history to become a full, active consort in my harem? Would I ? Or would we continue to linger in this confusing limbo?
Sighing, I lathered soap in my hands and rubbed them over my body. I had been in the shower, wallowing for long enough. Javier had already fed from several mortals, with no desire involved, based on what I sensed through the bond, and he was waiting for me. It was time to stop delaying the inevitable.
I finished washing, then rinsed and turned off the shower. I stared at my pruney fingers, wondering just how long I had been standing under the water. My stomach rumbled. Long enough for hunger to make itself known. Looked like my lack of appetite from before the rescue mission was catching up to me.
I quickly dried, then wrapped the towel around myself and opened the bathroom door. Bastian sat on the edge of the hastily made bed, a tray like those used to bring breakfast in bed sitting on the comforter beside him, loaded up with a few sandwiches, some sliced fruit and cheese, and a carafe of coffee, based on the enticing aroma, along with a mini ceramic pitcher of what I assumed was milk and a tiny bowl of sugar. There was a second mini pitcher—the only item on the tray that baffled me.
I eyed the sandwiches, zeroing in on the line of promised deliciousness peeking out from between each pair of bread slices as I crossed to the dresser. “Peanut butter and honey?” I asked, my mouth already watering.
“Only the best for my lady,” Bastian said, a slight curve to his lips. There were some perks to him having spied on me as a cat for months. He knew all my guilty pleasures, the things I hid from the rest of the world. He knew what I liked to eat, to watch, to wear . . . even how I touched myself when I was alone. He had the secret playbook to pushing all of my buttons and scratching all of my itches, and I kind of loved it.
“You’re too good to me,” I told him. I pulled out some leggings, a flowy T-shirt, and a long, cozy cardigan. I chose undergarments for comfort—like that was anything new—and some fuzzy socks.
I dropped my towel, watching Bastian’s gaze roam over my curves. I sensed his rising desire, though he did an admirable job of feigning nonchalance. Once I was dressed, I sat on the edge of the mattress to pull on my socks.
“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked.
My brows rose, and I tucked my feet under my legs to sit tailor style on the bed. “To see Javier?” I asked, reaching for a half of a sandwich. I took a bite, then set it back down on the plate, chewing while I poured coffee into a mug and added milk and one heaping spoonful of sugar. I finally peeked into the other mini pitcher, and my lips spread into a smile when I saw the thick, dark brown liquid within. “Chocolate syrup?” I asked, picking it up and pouring some into my mug.
“It’s a fancy brand,” Bastian admitted apologetically. Here was another of those little secrets he knew about me: I liked good old-fashioned Hershey’s syrup in my coffee, not the special extra dark chocolate syrups that were actually made for coffee.
I shrugged one shoulder, stirring my doctored mug. “I’m sure it will be perfect,” I told him. “Thank you.” I lifted the mug and breathed in the rich aroma before taking a sip. I closed my eyes while I savored the taste. “Yummy,” I told him, lifting my lids and reclaiming the sandwich half. I took another bite, holding my mug propped on my knee. “You should get some rest.” I glanced at the pillows, slightly askew at the head of the bed, and took another bite. “It’s been a long day.”
“Yeah, maybe,” he said noncommittally. “I’ve never been a good napper.”
I sipped my coffee and peeked over my shoulder at the window. Golden rays of the sun streamed in, reminding me it was the middle of the day, despite the heavy exhaustion that made it feel like midnight to me.
“Do you know where we are?” I asked, returning my attention to Bastian while I continued to eat. “I always wondered. I remember traveling for a long time with Javier. After the attack. But I was so young, and I’d never been away from this place before, so going anywhere felt like traveling a long way.”
“My best guess?” he said, his eyebrows raised.
I nodded, chewing.
“An island near Iceland,” he said. “We know the Moon Sanctuary is somewhere in Norden, but anything more specific is pure speculation.” He picked up a sandwich half and turned it around and around between his fingers. “Wherever it is, it’s concealed by strong wards, likely created by Selene herself. That’s what makes us think it’s an island. A random spot in the middle of the land that nobody could reach would be far more conspicuous. I have no clue how they managed to break through the wards and portal in here before.”
I frowned at hearing his use of we and us , a reminder of what Bastian had left behind to be with me. “I’m sorry you had to attack your own people,” I told him, finishing off my last bite. I picked up another half of a sandwich. “That couldn’t have been easy.”
He shrugged. “Once upon a time, all immortals considered ourselves to be one people, so technically, when the House of the Sun attacked the House of the Moon, we were also attacking our own people,” he justified.
I forced a smile, knowing he was reaching to make himself feel better. “Still, I’m sorry you had to do it.”
Bastian stared down at his uneaten sandwich half. “This war is wrong,” he said quietly. “Regardless of the curse, the fighting has to stop, or there won’t be anything left of either of our people.”
I nodded to myself. “Is there anything we can do to convince Veris to stand down?”
Bastian barked a laugh. “No,” he said, looking at me. “His reign is built on a platform of hate. This won’t end while he still breathes, but if you kill him, he’ll become a martyr, only strengthening his cause. It’s probably why the House of the Moon hasn’t already assassinated him.” Bastian exhaled heavily. “Honestly, the best thing for everyone would be an internal uprising. If he were overthrown by someone who valued peace over revenge—a shifter , not a vampire—and if enough of my people backed that usurper, then we might see some real change.”
I sipped my coffee, eyeing Bastian with new appreciation. Of course, I had known there were some serious brains hiding behind all that bronze beauty, but he so often leaned into the college playboy role that it was easy to overlook his hidden depths.
“Someone like a prince who opposes everything his father stands for?” I ventured.
Bastian sat up straighter, his eyes opening wide. “I wasn’t—” He shook his head. “I didn’t mean me .”
“It was just a thought,” I said, taking another bite.
His brow furrowed, and he stared out the window, his pensive mood seeping into me through our bond.
I finished my sandwich in silence, then drained my coffee and set it on the tray. I inhaled deeply and held the breath in my lungs for a long moment, then released it as a sigh. “I should go,” I said, scooting to the edge of the bed.
Bastian looked at me, but his focus was still split. “Can I walk you there?”
I shook my head, offering him an apologetic smile. I wanted a few minutes alone to gather my thoughts and bolster my nerves. Javier was a member of my harem, and regardless of how he saw me, he needed to accept what that meant for our relationship. I wasn’t a little girl anymore. I was a queen— his queen—and I was determined to make him see me as such.
Bastian nodded to himself, like he had expected me to turn down his offer. “Will you come back here, after?”
I stood and turned to face him. “Of course,” I told him. “Always.” He had followed me here, given up everything for me. The least I could do in return was to not abandon him. I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “But . . . I don’t know how long this will take.”
“As long as it takes,” Bastian said, his lips curving into a gentle smile. “Good luck, Soph.”
I let out a breathy laugh. “Thanks.” And then I turned and headed for the door.
My heart hammered the closer I drew to Javier’s rooms. He had reclaimed his old suite in the royal wing, and my steps slowed as I approached his door. He would sense me out here, so there was no point in dallying other than to make a tense situation more so. I stopped in front of his door, took a deep breath, and raised my hand to knock.
The door opened before my knuckles touched the wood, and suddenly I was face to face with Javier. My eyes widened as I took him in. He looked good . Like the old him, with a faint hint of mustache and beard, and his dark hair trimmed until it was short but still long enough to show the loose curl. His crescent sigil glowed gently, curving around the left side of his face, and other, smaller sigils decorated his neck, dipping into the collar of his shirt. He wore lounge pants and a long-sleeved shirt, reminding me of our training sessions all those years ago.
Javier stepped back, pulling the door open further, and dipped his chin, silently inviting me into his space.
I crossed the threshold, stepping into the next phase of our relationship, uncertain what exactly that would look like. But there was one thing I knew for sure: I was about to find out.
To be continued…