44. Luna
FORTY-FOUR
LUNA
It was a quiet night. After Blair and Cecilia had filled Luna in on Finn’s plan, they decided to take it easy. They all sat on the couch, oddly quiet. But what would come tomorrow hung over all of their shoulders.
Tomorrow she would kill someone. Tomorrow, they hoped change would come.
The thought made Luna feel nauseous. She decided that planning the actual event must have been worse than actually doing it. Knowing what was going to be done, reliving the scenario in her head over and over again, it was horrifying. It wasn’t just thinking about killing her father, it was thinking about everything that could go wrong that left her feeling haunted.
Valerio kept a strong face, and she wanted to know whether it was an act or if it was genuine. It wasn’t the first time he would kill someone, but this wasn’t just someone.
“Let’s go outside,” Luna whispered to Valerio. “I want to see if the stars are out.”
He nodded absently. It was like he was there, but he wasn’t. He stood, allowing her to pull him with her.
They walked out the sliding door that led to the backyard. The sky had already begun to drop small flecks of snow onto the ground, promising for more.
“It’s cold out here,” Valerio said, immediately taking his sweater off to hand to her. “I don’t want you to get sick.”
“I’ll be fine for a little bit,” she told him. He still helped her get it over her head. It was covered in his warmth, making the cold of the night seem impenetrable.
Valerio stared back out in the horizon, getting lost in his thoughts all over again.
“Are you okay?” Luna asked.
He nodded. “I haven’t done anything yet. There’s no reason not to be.”
“You have every reason to not feel okay if that’s how you feel,” Luna said. She placed her hand on his back. “I’m terrified for tomorrow. I’m terrified for you. Of you getting hurt, but mostly of you afterwards.”
Valerio shook his head. “Don’t be. I’ve killed people before. We have a solid plan. It’ll all go how it should.”
“I know you’re not used to people caring about you and your wellbeing, but I do. I can see you’re not okay, and that’s okay. You will be eventually.” Luna wrapped her arms around herself. “You don’t have to be strong around me.” She whispered the second part, looking out into the distance herself.
Valerio wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. His lips were close to her ear, almost as if he wanted to be sure only she could hear him. “I am terrified for tomorrow. I am terrified of killing my father, of doing what I have dreamed about doing my entire life. I am terrified I won’t be able to do it, that I’ll fail you, that I’ll fail my own mother.”
“Your mother would never be disappointed in you,” Luna said. Her eyes were wide, swallowing the admission.
“I know that. It’s not my mother I’m truly worried about,” he said, looking down at Luna. “I’m terrified you’ll look at me differently. If I choke and I put you at risk, I will never forgive myself.”
“You could never disappoint me.” She held her hand to his cheek. “I would never blame you for anything.”
He was always so confident, so sure of himself that Luna wouldn’t have ever known he was this terrified. But she saw who he was at that moment. A young boy trying to avenge his mother’s death and make a difference in his life.
And he would. Luna knew he would.
“I need to believe you,” he said in a voice so quiet, she almost didn’t hear him herself. “I need to believe in myself. You’re right about me never having someone who cared about me like this, and that’s why the thought of disappointing you terrifies me. If I don’t have you, I have no one. That’s why I need to ask you not to go tomorrow. I can’t be there to protect you and I don’t know if Finn will change his mind. I can’t have anything happen to you.”
“You will never lose me, I swear,” she promised. Guilt tore through her knowing that come tomorrow, she would break his heart going with Finn, putting herself in danger to make sure her father never took another breath again. Instead of saying anything else, she pressed herself deeper into him.
He pressed a kiss to her forehead, standing with her in his arms a little longer. The snow continued falling and she imagined someone looking at them through a snow globe. The scene looked perfect, a beautiful young couple in love, holding each other in the cold.
No one would know of the horrors that haunted them.
But come morning, those demons would be expelled, freeing them from that very confinement.