Chapter 6 Gianna
SIX
GIANNA
A party was exactly what Gianna needed. A chance to get dressed up, lose her inhibitions, and pretend she didn’t remember any of it the next day would cure her from her long dance days and her nightmare house guest.
It also gave her a chance to see Raphael, a boy she had run into at a couple of different parties who also went to Grand Willow University.
She refused to bring him home or around anyone she knew, save for her best friends, mainly because Allister, Dante, and Valerio always enacted the third degree on any boy they saw her with.
That usually came with an extreme line of questioning and what they called ‘roughhousing,’ which no boy could ever truly handle.
If she brought him home with her, it was serious, but at this point, she was ready enough to take that step with him.
Blair, Cecilia, and Luna were somewhere with the three boys, hopefully keeping them occupied so Gianna could muster up the courage to finally introduce Raphael to them. He seemed keen on making out against the wall, letting his hands wander over her legs, her hips, anywhere he could get them.
She pushed him away slightly, captivated by the daze in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked, confused as to why she stopped.
“This is the fifth party we’ve been to together,” she said, running her hands through his dark hair.
“That’s awesome.” He tried to lean in again for another kiss, but she dodged it.
“My brother is here tonight, and I think you should meet him. I want to be able to go out to places other than just parties and the only way we can do that is if he likes you, so—”
“Whoa, what the fuck? Meet your brother?” He pulled away completely, leaving her cold and empty. “What do you think this is?”
Gianna swallowed harshly, feeling her defenses rising immediately. “Your tongue was down my throat a second ago and we’ve been seeing each other. What else would I think it is?”
“Yeah, and we’ve been having fun,” Raphael said, raising his voice slightly to be heard over the music. “I thought you knew that’s all this was.”
“Why would I have thought that?” she asked, bitterness swirling through her.
“Come on, Gianna, you like to have fun.”
She narrowed her eyes dangerously. “And you like to dodge questions.”
He sighed. “You’re not the settle-down-with type of girl. That’s not a bad thing either, but I mean, come on, you love to party. Most weekends you’re seen with a new guy. I still have a ton of fun with you, don’t get me wrong, and you’re smoking hot—”
“If you enjoy your life, I recommend you stop talking.”
Never in her life had she felt so disrespected.
The audacity he had to talk to her that way, as if she wasn’t Gianna Moretti.
As if she didn’t have ties to the most powerful mafia families in the world.
And that seemed to snap him out of it because in no time his face was paling, as if he was ready to correct what he’d said.
She walked away without another word, shame and humiliation rocking through every fiber of her being. Was that how people viewed her? Someone to have fun with, but not someone to settle down with?
Not someone to love?
The tears burned at the back of her eyes, but she held them back. She needed to leave before anyone here saw her break down. Nothing would be worse than letting anyone know that boy’s words actually got to her.
They didn’t. No, his words didn’t remind her that maybe that was why her mother had left. Because she was unlovable. She wasn’t someone to stay for. She was temporary, not someone’s forever.
Cecilia was the first person to spot her. A bright smile on her face that changed immediately when she realized something was wrong. “Are you okay?”
“My stomach is killing me, I think I’m gonna go home,” Gianna said. The lie slipped out of her mouth effortlessly.
That seemed to bring everyone else’s attention to her. “Do you want us to come with you?” Luna asked, her brows furrowed as she made her way over quickly.
She shook her head quickly. “No, I’ll be fine. It was probably the pizza I had for lunch. You know what cheese does to me.” Gianna even threw in a small smile to convince them she was fine.
“The car should be outside. If you feel worse, text me and I’ll come home immediately,” Allister told her, kissing her forehead. He almost managed to break her with that small gesture, but she held out, nodding her head.
“I’ll be fine. Seriously, enjoy your night.”
With that, she managed to break away, taking deep breaths every step she took through the refreshing spring air. She got into the car and told the driver to head straight home, and as soon as the partition was raised, she let the tears roll down her cheeks.
Not a single sound escaped her lips, though. She had to wait until she was back in her room, in the empty house where no one would be able to hear or see her break down. Only when she was alone could she finally stop being the Gianna that everyone knew her to be.
They didn’t know that she’d slowly crumbled away from her own pressures and that her own demons were constantly trying to take over.
And they would never find out.
The car stopped and she jumped out, thankful that the staff of the house got the weekends and nights off. The lights were off, the house silent.
Perfect.
She ran upstairs to her room, closing the door behind her. She looked at herself in the vanity mirror, staring at a broken girl. Her blonde hair was messy, and her makeup was smeared. She hated what stared back at her.
She turned the mirror around before she got the urge to shatter it. With the little strength she had left, she walked over to the bed, crumbling onto the floor beside it.
There was no use silencing the sobs from there. They left her throat painfully, clawing their way out of her. She gasped for air, nearly suffocating on her own tears, but every time she opened her mouth, another sob would come through, pushing her further into a breakdown she couldn’t control.
No one wanted her.
No one needed her.
No one loved her.
Not Raphael.
Not her mother.
Maybe Allister would be next, or her father, or Cecilia, or Blair, or Luna, or Dante, or Valerio.
The thoughts were too painful to bear.
Two hands grabbed her head, forcing her to look into deep brown eyes. She might have been more surprised if she wasn’t losing oxygen by the second.
“Breathe,” Finn yelled, his eyes wild and filled with worry. “Goddammit, Gianna.”
She wanted to tell him that she was trying, but it was impossible to let anything into her lungs. He shook her body, trying to get her body to loosen up, but it was futile.
Without another wasted second, he leaned in, blowing air into her mouth. He then blew air around her face before moving back to her parted lips. Their lips never touched, but even feeling the minty warmth of his breath seemed far too intimate for them.
That thought seemed to snap her out of her daze.
She gasped, finally taking in a deep breath.
She coughed and every breath felt like fire, but it felt so good to finally be able to let it in again.
He moved away slightly, but kept blowing air, knowing it worked.
He allowed her to use him, and she did. She felt her heartbeat slowly return to normal, the air filling her lungs again.
Finally, her body relaxed, falling against the bed.
Her sobs had stopped, along with her tears.
All because of Finn Kingsley.
“What the fuck was that, Gianna?” he asked, pulling away from her and sitting on the ground. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed but she felt loopy. He ran a hand through his hair before running it over his face.
“I had a bad night,” she said, wiping under her eyes.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Has that happened before?”
She shook her head. “Never that extreme.”
“What if I wasn’t here? If you were alone, you could have fucking suffocated. Fucking hell, where is everyone?” He kept going on and on, spewing out questions and curses, but she could only watch him in a daze.
“They’re at a party.”
“Why aren’t you with them? Better yet why are you here having some sort of attack?” he asked.
She didn’t know what possessed her to tell him the truth, but she did anyway.
“Do you think I’m someone you could settle down with?
” Her voice was quiet and vulnerable, but it was hard not to be when already once tonight her heart had been ripped apart.
She didn’t feel like having the same happen twice.
“Are you asking hypothetically?”
She sniffled, averting her gaze. “I was seeing this guy. I wanted him to meet Allister tonight, but he told me I’m not the type to settle down with. I’m someone you have a good time with and that’s all.” She felt the tears welling up again. “Am I really unlovable?”
It was silent for a moment. She shouldn’t have even asked him. He didn’t like her, and she didn’t like him, and revealing this much to him was a mistake.
“Don’t let yourself get worked up over that asshole,” Finn said.
“If he had any brain in him, he would realize that settling down and loving you would have been the best thing he could have done in his miserable life. He blew it, and you’re better off with someone who isn’t going to be ashamed of you. ”
Gianna turned to look at him now, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. She went to open her mouth, but he wasn’t done yet.
“Those assholes don’t deserve you, Gianna,” he said, his voice holding such strong conviction she almost believed him.
His eyes were darker now, the brown now almost completely black. She didn’t even realize they had been so close to each other, but their legs were only a couple inches apart. If she leaned in, she would taste that minty warmth again.
But she didn’t. Of course she didn’t.
“How will I know who deserves me?”
“I don’t think I need to tell you how you’ll know if someone worships the ground you walk on, princess.”
“Princess? And here I thought you’d become nice,” she said, but she still couldn’t help the way her lips turned up slightly.
“You’ve known me long enough to know that’ll take a miracle,” he said. “Do I get a thanks for helping you tonight?”
“Add that to your list of miracles.” She snorted, getting up to stretch her legs before she sat on the edge of the bed. She was awfully aware of his eyes on her, trailing every inch of her exposed skin. She was also aware of how horrendous she must’ve looked now.
Gianna leaned over to peel the heels off her feet. She threw them across the room, catching the way he shook his head. “What?” she asked.
“I don’t understand how you do that.”
“Do what?”
“How you went through a breakdown and now you’re back to your normal self, as if nothing happened,” he said, standing.
She shrugged, leaning back on the palms of her hands. “I had my moment and now it’s over. I hope no one outside of this room will find out about it either.”
“Is that a threat?”
“I’m not in the business of making threats like you are.”
He shook his head. “I don’t plan on telling anyone either way. Your secret is safe with me.”
A chill ran down her spine at those words. Sharing something with him felt wrong, especially something like a secret. Something that she wouldn’t be telling anyone else about.
“Perfect,” she said. She rose from the bed when the craziest thought popped into her mind.
Maybe it was her testing the waters, or maybe it was her just trying to tease him, but Gianna decided to do something she had never ever considered doing in her life, with her best friend’s brother of all people.
She turned around, looking at him over her shoulder. “While you’re in here, mind getting the zipper for me? It tends to snag.”
The tension in the room turned thick in an instant. She waited for him to tell her to figure it out before stomping out like the asshole he had always been. Finn helping her tonight, being kind, saying the words she needed to hear, was a fluke, a glitch.
Only the opposite happened. He walked up behind her, standing so close she could feel the heat from his body transferring over to hers.
With a careful hand, something so unlike him, he grabbed the zipper, using the other hand to hold her lower back.
She could feel every single millimeter the zipper moved down her back.
Slowly, her back was exposed to the air, and she swore she heard him gasp, or maybe it was her. Shit, she didn’t know anymore.
With a long exhale against her shoulder, he pulled it all the way down.
“There,” he muttered, pulling himself away entirely.
“Thanks,” Gianna said, but he was already walking out the door, closing it behind him.
She caught her gaze in the full body mirror against the closet door, and for some reason, she didn’t turn away from it this time.