22. Chapter Twenty-Two Rhea
Chapter Twenty-Two: Rhea
“L ittle One, you must focus,” he said as he placed the piece of paper back in front of me. He had written out math equations, and they might as well have been an ancient language. I couldn’t focus enough to begin to solve them. Plus, even with the candles lit around the table, it was still so dark, and my attention kept drifting to the wiggling flames and the shadows they made.
“Why do I have to do this?” I pouted, throwing down the quill and slumping back against the couch. My head hurt, and I didn’t want to try anymore. I just wanted to go sit by the window and wait for the lanterns to float in the sky.
“Because it’s important,” he responded, taking a seat next to me and pointing to the paper. “Knowing basic math is helpful for understanding the world around you.”
I scoffed, looking at him from the corner of my eye. “Yes, very helpful from my tower to know how to do multiplication. For counting spider webs and dust bunnies,” I snarked and turned away.
I begged Alexi to take me down to the grass and the water just for a moment—just so I could feel them. But he said his blood oath to my uncle prevented him from doing so. He said that the cost would be his life, and the scar on his palm told me he wasn’t lying. Not that I ever thought he was. Alexi had been in my life for years now, and I never once believed him to be a liar. I only wished that there was a way to work around the oath so that I could leave for merely five minutes. I just wanted to step in the grass and drag my fingers across the wildflowers in the meadows surrounding the tower. Maybe dip my toes in the water.
I had asked my uncle why I couldn’t leave, and he just told me it was dangerous because the people that had killed my parents—and had tried to kill me—were still out there. He didn’t like it when I questioned him about my parents though. Often it resulted in him getting angry with me. He was scary when he got that mad.
“Rhea.” Alexi’s voice snapped me back to the present. The sun had just set, and the Summer Solstice celebration was about to begin. I wanted to go desperately, but as usual, I would be stuck watching from the tower. Well, that is if Alexi would let me skip doing this math stuff. “It’s important,” he said again, picking up the quill.
I groaned and threw my hands up in the air as I yelled, “Is it though? I don’t need to know this. I can’t even leave. You say it’s to help me understand the world around me, but I understand it well enough. It’s confined to the stones of this tower!” I waited for him to yell back, to get frustrated, as the king did. But his face just softened.
He dropped the quill on the tea table and stood. “Okay, that’s enough for tonight. Let’s go wait for the lanterns.”
Squealing, I followed him to the library, bouncing on the balls of my feet in excitement. He sat down on the bench, opening the window enough to let the fragrant summer air in. The full moon shone, and twinkling stars surrounded and waved their hello to me. Finally, the first tiny lantern dotted the sky over Vitour. Then another, and another, until the sky was full of them. They glowed like golden dots speckled against the pitch black. The silver light cast by the true stars above the lanterns completely transformed the sky, like another world had temporarily let us borrow their night. Lanterns were also released from the gardens near the front of the castle. From this angle, I could only see a few of them as they floated up higher and higher.
“I have a birthday gift for you.” Alexi’s words drew my attention from the window.
“Is it lemon loaf?” I asked, clapping my hands in anticipation.
Alexi shook his head and pulled a small black bag out of his pocket. He extended his palm out to me, a minuscule smile on his face. “Go ahead and open it.”
I gently picked it up and untied the strings, the fabric velvety beneath my fingertips. I felt the cool bite of metal as I reached my finger and thumb in and pulled out what looked like a bracelet. It was gold and dainty with intricate flower designs on the band.
“What is this?” I breathed, holding it up into the moonlight so I could see it better. I had only ever seen the king’s rings or the necklaces and bracelets drawn in books, but this was better than them all. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry I had ever held .
“A special gift for a special girl,” he responded as he removed the bracelet from my hand and clasped it reverently around my wrist. I held my arm out in front of me, marveling at the delicate chain and how it looked against my skin. “Happy thirteenth birthday, Rhea.”
I looked up at him and smiled widely before looking back down at the bracelet, tracing over it repeatedly with my fingers.
The memory fades away as I hold the bracelet up in front of me. I am too nervous to wear it in case the king stops by and demands to know where I got it. So I keep it in its little pouch, hidden in the drawer of my white vanity. I slept heavily last night, unbothered by nightmares or strange dreams. And though the memory of Alexi gifting me what—I would later find out—was Alanna’s bracelet makes me yearn to see him again, I don’t have that same gut-wrenching anguish that I had before. I am still sad, still miss him terribly, but I am also… happy to reminisce. I set the bracelet back in its pouch and tuck it into the drawer. I finish brushing my hair before tying it back with a ribbon and standing from the vanity.
After a morning spent cleaning, I have the urge to move my body and exercise. My magic wiggles inside of me, the warmth of it actually more dominant than that bone-deep cold today. Pushing the tea table out of the center of the room, I sit on the floor, closing my eyes and imagining a golden ray of light pouring from the heavens and landing on the crown of my head. I pretend the light spills down my body from my head, dripping onto my shoulders and hips and toes. I relax each muscle as the light hits it, warmth curling inside me as my mind begins to quiet. It is a different sort of silence than what I have been forcing it to be. This feels like pure stillness, like calm. It feels like an undisturbed lake underneath a sunny sky. It is warm and caressing and light. And without guilt, for the first time in a long time, I let myself relax in its softness. In the way my mind doesn’t feel like a battlefield and how my heart has nearly gotten rid of all the shields I have been placing around it. Those things are still there—still tucked into the depths of me—but now there is space around them, enough for light to shine through. Like sunlight piercing a small hole in a dark cave.
As a teen, I thought these mind cleansing exercises were boring and often grumbled about it to Alexi, but now I understand their importance. They are meditative, like the kinds of practices I have read of mages doing in the Mage Kingdom. I take another breath, filling my lungs deeply, before I slowly release it and open my eyes. Coming up to stand, I work my body until sweat drips and fatigue sets in. I miss Alexi terribly, and a part of me still wonders if I should have defied his wishes and just saved him anyway. If I should have tried harder.
The boxes I have shoved all of those dark feelings and emotions into begin to rattle, as if to shout, we’re still here, and you can’t ignore us forever. I know that—of course I do—but for now, I enjoy the peaceful space between them.
The next ten days pass by with only letters from Flynn. He claims to have some sort of training or guard duties, and that is why he can’t stop by. But every morning, I wake up to a letter, which usually consists of him explaining what boring thing he isn’t excited to do that day followed by a question or two for me. And every evening, I leave one for him, laying outside on the landing in front of my door.
SUNSHINE,
TODAY, WE HAVE TO DO A MANDATORY TRAINING ON HOW TO FIGHT WITH OUR SWORDS, AS IF WE DON’T ALREADY PRACTICE THAT DAILY—OR AT LEAST I DO. IT’S BORING AS HELL. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?
SINCERELY,
AN ALREADY STRAPPINGLY STRONG GUARD WHO KNOWS HOW TO USE HIS SWORD
Flynn,
Why am I not surprised that you are well-versed in swordplay? Something about that just makes sense. At least you get to be bored outside, surrounded by other people. My favorite flowers are drangyeas; they were the first ones I was ever given. I don’t know if I like to dance. I’ve never tried. I think with the right partner, I might. What is your favorite food? Favorite color?
Sincerely,
Rhea
SUNSHINE,
TODAY, A GROUP OF GUARDS IS BEING SENT OUT BY THE KING TO A SMALL CITY NEAR THE MAGE BORDER. THE CRUEL DEATH HAS HIT QUITE HARD THERE, AND THEY ARE TO SEE IF THEY CAN FIGURE OUT A REASON WHY. I’LL HAVE TO HELP COVER GUARD DUTIES WHILE THEY ARE GONE ONCE I LEAVE MY SHIFT AT THE TOWER. APPARENTLY, I WAS RECOMMENDED TO DO SO BY MY COMMANDER. LUCKY ME.
I MAY HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE, BUT DOES IT HELP TO KNOW THAT THEY ALL SMELLED TERRIBLE? FROM THE AFOREMENTIONED SWORD PRACTICE.
ANYWAY, MY FAVORITE FOOD IS PROBABLY ROASTED CHICKEN. IS THAT BORING? IT SEEMS BORING, BUT IT’S TRUE. MY FAVORITE COLOR IS A SPECIFIC SHADE OF GREEN. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? HOW IS BELLA?
SINCERELY,
FLYNN
P.S. DON’T THINK I’M LETTING YOUR SWORD JOKE GO UNNOTICED. I’M STILL TRYING TO CATCH MY brEATH FROM IT.
Dearest Boring Flynn,
Yes, chicken is quite boring. Though I’ve never had it roasted before, so maybe it is good enough to be your favorite food? Mine is undoubtedly a sweet — lemon loaf. Alexi used to sneak me in pieces whenever the castle baker made it. I would have thought your favorite color is black, given it’s all that you like to wear. My favorite color is purple. Bella is perfect; in fact, she is sleeping next to me while I write this.
I wonder what the king is hoping to truly accomplish by sending those guards there, as the Cruel Death doesn’t answer to him. I hope they stay safe on their journey. The Cruel Death doesn’t discriminate, does it? I’m sorry you have to cover in their absence, you must be exhausted. I’ll be here, reading another book and trying not to go insane. What is your favorite season?
Sincerely,
Rhea — not Sunshine
P.S. I was merely stating the truth, at least from my point of view.
SUNSHINE,
THE GUARDS HAVE COME BACK AND ARE REPORTING THAT—AS YOU MENTIONED IN YOUR LAST LETTER—THE CRUEL DEATH DOESN’T DISCRIMINATE, AND UNFORTUNATELY, THIS WAS EVIDENT IN THE VILLAGE. TODAY, I AM LEADING SOME OF THE APPRENTICE GUARDS THROUGH SOME RUNNING DRILLS. IT IS—AND I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH—ABSOLUTELY AWFUL. I WILL SWING A SWORD ALL DAY, BUT I DESPISE RUNNING.
IT’S A TRUE TRAVESTY THAT YOU’VE NEVER HAD ROASTED CHICKEN. I’M AFRAID MY WARDROBE IS PROBABLY AS BORING AS MY FAVORITE FOOD CHOICE. LEMON LOAF IS VERY FITTING FOR YOU THOUGH. SOMETHING brIGHT AND SWEET, AND PERHAPS A LITTLE TART AS WELL (IT’S A JOKE BUT ALSO, IS IT?).
MY FAVORITE SEASON… I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER BEEN ASKED THAT BEFORE, BUT I’M GOING TO SAY SUMMER. MY TAN GETS DARKER IN THE SUMMER, AND IT REALLY ACCENTUATES MY HANDSOME FEATURES.
WHAT IS YOURS? IF YOU COULD CHOOSE TO LIVE IN A DIFFERENT KINGDOM, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
SINCERELY,
A PROBABLY-THROWING-UP FLYNN FROM BEING FORCED TO RUN ALL DAY TODAY
Dear Sick Flynn,
Another sword reference? You’re getting predictable. You’re also so very humble; it’s almost as if you are acutely aware of how you look. My favorite season is autumn. I love watching the trees turn colors, and there is this fragrance in the air that time of year — it’s totally unique. I would, without a doubt, choose the Fae Kingdom. They have dragons, and I have always dreamed of riding one someday. What about you?
Sincerely,
Sunsh — Nope, I can’t do it.
Rhea
P.S. These letters have been the highlight of my week, so thank you for indulging me.
Sighing, I set my note outside the door. Then, I light a taper candle and place it in the bronze holder, protecting the flame with my hand as I walk into the library. Sitting on the velvet-cushioned bench by the window, I grab the current book I’m reading, the one given to me by Tienne and Erica, and settle in, letting my eyes grow heavy as I imagine myself between the pages of the book.
“Little One, wake up.” His hand shakes my shoulder as I startle awake.
“Alexi?” I ask, pushing the covers aside and looking up at him from where he stands next to bed. He looks exactly as he always did—his salt and pepper hair neatly trimmed, closer on the sides and a little longer on top. His golden armor is clean and shiny over his dark black tunic, trousers, and boots.
“We have to go, now,” he says, reaching out a hand to help me up. Confused, I place my hand in his—it’s ice cold. Panic blooms as he starts to pull me down the stairs and I nearly stumble from how quickly he is moving.
“Alexi, wait! What is happening?” I ask, tugging on his hand to stop him once we reach the bottom. I look around the living area of my tower, trying to figure out what feels off about it.
“Do you not want to leave this place?” he challenges, gripping my hand more firmly.
“Of course I do, but I don’t understand what is happening. You can’t help me because of the blood oath.” My mouth parts slightly as I look around us again. “Where is Bella?” Alexi turns to me, his eyes filled with sorrow.
“Do you not remember what happened?” he questions, gesturing towards me as if I’m the culprit in her disappearance.
“What are you talking about?”
“You killed her,” he intones in a hollow voice, his hand squeezing even harder. Shaking my head, I step back from him—something is not right. “You killed her, and then you killed me. And soon, you will kill him.”
I tremble, trying to work my hand free from his—pulling and yanking—but it is to no avail. He grips tighter, the feeling of my bones nearly crumbling propelling my panic even further.
“Don’t you see it? Don’t you feel it growing within you?” He tugs me closer to him, my chest crashing into his as he nearly lifts me off my feet.
“Alexi, let me go!” I scream and flail, terror making my movements wild and uncoordinated. He finally lets me fall to the ground, dust kicking up from underneath me as I realize we aren’t in the tower but somewhere else.
“I will never let you go,” he says, voice morphing into something vile. The pupils of his eyes widen as they eventually take over the irises and then the whites as well. The darkness drips onto his cheeks, like how I’ve read sap seeps from tree bark. It slowly morphs Alexi’s face until it turns into his.
“You are mine, Rhea,” he growls, prowling to me as I try to scramble away. “You are mine,” he repeats, his voice surrounding me from every side. “You are mine. Forever.” His words pierce me as I sob and scream and claw the ground, trying to get away from him. I feel a hand on my ankle as he pulls me deeper into the darkness. The words chant around me and through me, and all I can do is scream and scream and—
My eyes snap open, a scream still echoing in the tower. I bring my hands to my face and feel the wetness there as I gasp for air. Bella whines next to me, her golden eyes glowing in the light of the moon.
Nightmare. It was just a nightmare. He isn’t here. My heart beats so hard and fast in my chest that it’s nearly painful. My hand rests on my sternum as my breath rushes in and out. Laying back down on my pillow, I stare at the ceiling above me, too afraid to fall back asleep as I wait for the sun to rise.
When the first golden rays peek past the horizon, I get out of bed and run a bath. I take my time scrubbing my hair and body, then drain the tub and dry off. Every time I close my eyes, the nightmare still plays in my mind—Alexi’s eyes dripping black and then him morphing into the king, something I can’t believe my brain would ever conjure up.
I stretch my arms overhead as I walk down the stairs, my long hair dripping water behind me as I go. I beam when I see the paper on the floor in front of my door. Practically running over, I unfold it quickly and read it.
SUNSHINE,
I HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR YOU. TOMORROW IS SUPPOSED TO BE A DAY OFF FOR ME, BUT I WAS THINKING WE COULD SPEND IT TOGETHER? I’M VERY CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT BOOKS ARE TUCKED INTO THAT LIbrARY AND WHICH ARE YOUR FAVORITES TO READ.
WHAT DO YOU SAY? LEAVE A NOTE JUST AFTER SUNSET IF THAT WOULD BE ALRIGHT. I’M NOT ABOVE brIBING YOU WITH CHOCOLATE AS WELL.
SINCERELY,
FLYNN
P.S. YOUR LETTERS WERE THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY WEEK, AS WELL.
The butterflies in my stomach go wild as I read and reread the letter. He wants to spend a whole day with me? Here? My eyes lift to look at the tower around me, and the cold gray stones that line every wall make me want to scream. The old, worn-in wood floors tell the tale of not just my confinement here, but also the story of when this space was a watch tower and a guard’s quarters.
There’s something that feels so different about him seeing this place during the day versus in the shadows of the night, as if there is nowhere I can hide—even though I’m not sure I want to conceal anything. Flynn knows me better than anyone else alive, and that’s after barely a few weeks of interacting with each other. While that thought is somewhat depressing, maybe it isn’t the worst thing in the world to let him in. It’s not like we can be anything more than passing acquaintances anyway—he is a guard with a blood oath to a monstrous king, and I am a princess secretly planning to escape my captivity in this tower. Somehow. But I suppose that doesn’t mean that I can’t at least enjoy his company until it’s inevitably time for me to go.
I grab everything that I need to write my response to his letter and sit on the floor by the tea table. I keep it simple and agree to his bribery of chocolate for a day spent together. When the sun sets, I place the note outside the door, smiling as I do so.