30. Belle
Belle
Imust be dreaming. Surely, the strawberry-hued figure tending to the low-lying brush near the pebbled path in the greenhouse can’t be the handmaid I’d been aching to see.
It must be a look-alike, or my brain's manifestation after being tortured in the form of pleasure by my cruel captors—a ghostly flicker from the stars above against the dark sky. But as she picks up a wilted green rose and brings it to her nose, turning toward me as I lurk behind the large glass windows inside Hollowbrook, I’m certain it’s Rosalia.
I couldn’t sleep after everything that happened yesterday.
Instead of seeking out one of the two objects of my attention and making everything more complicated, I decided to walk the estate.
It seemed like the only cure for my restless mind, but perhaps this kindred spirit had summoned me here, wanting me to find her amid the greenhouse foliage.
I storm through the glass doors and march toward her. “What are you doing?” I yell, hands on my hips.
She raises a manicured eyebrow. “Gardening.”
I throw my arms to my side. “Where have you been? I’ve needed you!”
“Surely I’m not the only one capable of dressing you.”
I grab her arm, whispering. “You know what I mean. Did you decide you suddenly like wearing a metal collar?”
She huffs and takes a step back. “How much more of my help do you need?”
I yank my Darling. “Clearly a lot.”
Her cheeks turn pink, and she stomps. “I’ve had enough to worry about as of late. I’m in the middle of a rebel uprising, and Neverhaven is dying.” She points her rose around the greenhouse.
My anger funnels out as I take in my surroundings. The greenery is wilted. The flowers are tipped with brown. Everything is tinged in death. How did I miss this? Probably because I was too consumed with my own problems.
“What’s going on?” I ask in awestruck horror.
“The land needs a magic born on the throne; it’s been so long, and the lack of pixies makes everything worse.” She bends down to fondle a gray fern coil. “This is nothing compared to what the rest of the island looks like. Hollowbrook spends lots of coin to keep things alive.”
Of course. Lord Pan mentioned this, but I thought he was being dramatic.
An overwhelming weight presses against my chest. “Great! So me popping out a baby Pan is the only way to save this whole goddamn floating rock.” I shouldn’t care.
I’m not from here. Neverhaven hasn’t shown me any mercy, but there are likely women, children, and innocent people who will die if I don’t birth an heir.
Not to mention Rosalia, whom I currently want to smack around a bit, but of course, I don’t want her dead.
Or the men that consume my thoughts, take my breath away, and I’m having a harder time imagining lifeless.
I’ve already decided I can’t kill Rourke, but can I accept my fate as a prisoner of this estate to save a kingdom that’s not my own?
Rosalia scoffs. “Do you truly think you’re the only pixie?”
“Wait, what?”
She shakes her head with a smile. “No, you’re not the only choice of salvation, but you’re the best one we’ve got.”
I want to inquire, discover about others like me, but there are other questions pressing to the front of my lips. “So why are you helping me escape?” It doesn’t make sense if I’m meant to save Neverhaven with my magical womb.
She throws out her skirts and sits on the shriveled grass. “Who said I’m helping you escape?”
I join her on the ground, the dull green grass tickling my shins. “Right, right. Clearly, you're not because I’m still a prisoner and you’ve been hiding from me.”
“I’m not hiding from you. I was called away to the country estate.”
“Okay, fine. But right now, why are you here instead of in my rooms?”
She shrugs. “I like plants. After spending weeks only seeing shriveled weeds, I needed some life.”
I jingle her collar. “Did you decide you like your chains? Did you forget I’m trying to get us out of here?”
She arches away from my grasp. “Did you?”
My face heats. “I don’t know what you’re implying.”
She clucks. “The maids are gossipy, and you haven’t been very secretive about your fucking.”
I jump to my feet. “Alright, I’m done.” I turn to leave.
She calls after me. “It’s clear that you’ve decided you'd rather stay a prisoner and let a whole realm die because you’ve been dicked down so properly.”
I whip back to her. “You’re the one who told me to seduce them! Besides, shouldn’t you want me to stay a prisoner? It’s how your precious home keeps floating.”
“Freedom from your chains doesn’t mean leaving Neverhaven. You can’t do what needs to be done while you’re shackled.”
“You want me to stay here? Are you crazy?”
“It seems to me that you want the same. You’re still wearing your collar, after all.”
“They won’t let me go!”
“Of course not. Did you even read the book I nearly popped a blood vessel trying to direct you to?”
I kneel down to whisper through my teeth. “Yes, and I tried to stab them, but no matter what I did with their blood, I couldn’t do it!”
She sputters into a laugh. “What are you talking about?”
“That’s what your stupid book told me to do.”
She shakes her head. “No.”
I ponder the words jumping around my memory. I sit back down across from her. “Okay, maybe I could have interpreted it wrong, but why won’t you just tell me?”
She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Her eyes shake, her skin flushes, but her voice finally cracks. “Not all Darlings are the same. Just as our positions are different, so are our limitations.”
Of course. Her Darling prevents her from telling me. But for some reason, she can tell me some things, like directing me to the book itself. Perhaps there are more loopholes to uncover.
I look around, find two stones, and push them between us. I tap the one on the right. “This one means yes, and that one is no.”
She nods.
“Okay, so we got that I was wrong, and I don’t need to stab them through the heart using their blood.”
Her eyes shift to the yes rock.
“Okay, cool. The book did say something about piercing through the heart, but maybe it was just metaphorical?”
Yes rock.
I stare up at the sky, focusing on the glittering night sky above the glass ceiling, trying to remember the words. We could go back to my room and pull out the book. That would probably make this easier, but I feel too close to uncovering the truth to stop and move.
“Something about only the binder can undo what has been taken…”
Her eyes flick to the yes rock, her back straight, rigid, as if the simple movement takes all her focus.
“But do Rourke and Peter count as my binders since they’re Pan heirs?”
Yes.
I figured. There would be no point in Rosalia helping me attempt an escape if Lord Pan had to be involved.
I ponder some more, remembering a line. “The heart must accept for the power to take hold…”
She nods this time, her eyes wide. I’m onto something.
“But, I do accept.” But even as I say it, I know it’s not true.
I’m uncertain how hard I’m actually trying to break free at this point.
I don’t want to be a prisoner, but do I really want to leave Neverhaven and return to Earth in all its shitty glory?
I very well may already be pregnant. Posting up in a lavish manor beats stealing cars with a big ol’ belly.
Although things may get rather hostile cooped up with two potential baby daddies, who happen to be stepbrothers.
As I examine Rosalia’s shaking features, struggling against her Darling to tell me more, I’m emboldened.
This isn’t just for me. For some reason, I’m the ticket to her freedom and apparently healing Neverhaven.
I can’t figure out how both things can be true, but there’s too much to figure out right now.
She shakes her head. “Not…you.” A vein pulses at her temple.
I rise to my knees, bursting with energy, the pieces clicking together. “The Pans. One of them has to give me their blood freely, with the intent to let me go!”
Her eyes nearly bulge out of her head, pupils directing toward the yes rock.
My excitement flickers out. “But they won’t let me go.”
“Are you sure?”
I tap my lip, contemplating her question. When was the last time I asked? Before, both brothers agreed to share me. Before Peter confessed his love. Perhaps now, they might reconsider.
I nod, rising to my feet, my mind putting together the intricacies of my plan. Rosalia’s shoulders roll back, contentment settling over her features. I turn to go back to my rooms, to rest in my luxurious bed for one last night.
That’s it.
I’m gaining my freedom. At least, the possibility seems within grasp.
Rosalia might hope I stay to help save her home, but if I’m free of my Darling, I must return to Earth.
I mean, I can’t stay here, in this make-believe land of fuckery.
I just can’t. I’ll never be safe. Men like Lord Pan will constantly seek out my blood.
I’m getting out of here. I should be happy, but for some reason, at the thought of leaving, a single tear falls down my cheek, and my heart quivers in my chest.