Chapter Fifty-Six
Helios
Her face didn’t fucking fall. It crumpled like I’d stabbed her in the gut.
Already in as deep as it fucking got, unwilling to lie to her, and not about to hold the fuck back now, I laid it all out.
“Why did you get on that plane with me?” She could’ve gone with Ares or Chaos, or hitched a ride with Saint on his helo.
Hell, she could’ve gotten Nix to pick her up on his goddamn boat.
She didn’t say shit.
I gave her the fucking answer. “The same reason I would’ve gotten on any goddamn plane with you.
You chose me, Feralyn. No matter what, you always fucking choose me.
” I jerked my head at the miles of ocean surrounding us.
“Look around, woman. There’s not a fucking soul in sight but you and me.
” But this was her choice, why I’d fucking done this.
“You want isolation? You got it. You want our world to be just you and me? Fucking great. I’ll make it happen.
That sunk plane’s our official death. Whatever the hell you want, however you wanna play this, consider it done.
But don’t ever yell that shit to my face again about hating me. ”
“You crashed the plane on purpose.”
“I kissed you on purpose.” That fucking plane was a casualty of war. My goddamn war to win this woman.
“We could’ve died.”
“I wasn’t gonna let that happen.”
“You can’t control everything!”
Today, I sure as fuck could. “Name one time I’ve ever intentionally put your life in dire fucking circumstances.”
Her eyes wide, she looked at me like I was insane. “Now!”
Locked and loaded, knowing this was exactly how she was gonna respond, I ticked off the precautions I’d made. “Parachutes, life preserver, low-altitude bailing, lifeboat, double Maydays, safe ocean temps, and a sat phone in a dry sack on the damn raft. Not dire.” Not FUBAR.
Missing the goddamn point of all of this, she kept going. “You could’ve died. You could’ve gone under a-a-and left me.”
Another swell hit.
I held her up and away from the sea spray.
Then I gave her real. As real as it fucking got.
“You and me? We’re trauma bonded, Feralyn.
I’m not leaving you. You hear me? I’m never fucking leaving you.
” Another swell tossed us. “If shit goes sideways, if we don’t make it to shore, then at least this absolute fucking cluster we’ve been pretending is us living, ends.
And it ends with us together. Do you get that last part?
” I jerked my chin north, toward where the Phenom went down, and reiterated the possibilities.
“We’re dead now, Haven. We can do whatever the fuck we want. ”
“That doesn’t change who we are, Helios. We’re still our upbringing. Can’t you understand that?”
Treading water, holding the only woman I’d ever truly wanted in my arms, I took a fucking second. Because once I said the shit I needed to say, there was no going back. “Yeah, I fucking hear you.” But she wasn’t getting me. Or how fucking far I’d go for her.
Gripping her wet hair, I looked into those amber eyes.
Then I asked. “Do you want a new life with me, or do you want to be on your own? Decide now, because this is your chance. There’s no going back for me.
But if you want a clean break, this is it.
” This was the choice I was giving her, the shit I’d orchestrated the minute I’d come up with the plan to ditch that Embraer Phenom.
Except I wasn’t going down without a fight.
“But don’t think for a second that this is me apologizing or that I’d do a damn thing different.
If I had a redo, I’d kiss you again. I’d kiss you every fucking time. ”
“Helios,” she whispered. “I can’t—”
“No.” Fuck that I can’t. “We’re past the excuses.
Past your fears.” Al-Hashimi was dead. I’d already kissed her.
We were done with the bullshit. “One way or another, you need to fucking surrender.” Because she hadn’t been living, and neither had I.
“Eight years we’ve been dancing around each other.
It’s time to move forward. Fucking commit—to me, to yourself.
I’ll respect you, woman, whatever choice you make.
But know that if you choose me, I’m not living in the shadows.
I’m not kowtowing to anyone’s fucking opinion of us.
I’ll never beg for attention behind closed doors.
If you’re mine, you’re all fucking mine.
I’ll touch you wherever, whenever, no matter who the hell is watching.
I won’t live life with you any other way. ”
Saltwater and emotion dripped down her face, but she didn’t say a word.
Middle of the damn ocean, no outside world between us, I grasped her face. “You and me, Feralyn, we’re deep.” Bringing my mouth almost to hers, I hovered. “Soul fucking deep.” Come on, woman. “Come on, Haven.” I’m right fucking here. “Surrender to me.”
Another swell hit, she looked away, and I fucking felt it.
Her goddamn choice.
I yanked the painter line. The lifeboat inflated. I unhooked her harness from mine, threw her into the raft, then followed suit.
Those huge eyes met mine, and her full lips parted. “Helios, I—”
Nix showed up in the Paragon’s tender.