Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
DAKOTA
My boots scuffed over chipped linoleum, the drone of humming refrigerators filling the space, yellowish light washing down over me, drafts of air conditioning making me shiver.
I swiped the disinfectant wipe back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, despite the counter already being clean of sugar granules and drops of cheap creamer.
The coffee station had already been fully organized and cleaned three times by me during my shift today.
But I didn’t want to sit at the register with my thoughts, so I’d been trying to keep busy.
The wonky old doorbell chimed electronically as the door swung open, so I slipped back behind the register, tapping my black-polished nails on the laminate.
Two young girls browsed the aisles together, excited and giggling like one of them probably just got their license and they were out getting gas alone for the first time.
A small smile pushed at my cheeks, and I looked down at the buttons on the register.
I had my license, but I very rarely drove.
I’d never had my own car, so my experience consisted mostly of using my brother’s car while he was teaching me how to drive.
I’d driven Mila’s car a few times since then, but I wasn’t the most confident driver.
It was to be expected when ninety-nine percent of my traveling was done on public transit.
Micah had been the one to drive me to work today, though.
I had the feeling he assumed he was going to be picking me up afterwards, but I’d already texted Mila to get me—and lied to Micah about what time my shift ended.
My lying had become compulsive, and I didn’t really want to see him again tonight.
Since he’d dropped me off here a few hours ago, my emotions had finally leveled out. I was stressed. Mad at him, mad at myself, mad at Mason. And I was already in trouble with Micah, so why not make it worse?
My thoughts were racing enough as it was, trying to work out exactly what things he’d been lying about. Probably everything. I remembered Mason telling me that Micah was a liar, but I’d been too preoccupied with the gun in his hand at the time to take the words to heart.
Still, all the ways I was sure Micah wanted to hurt me excited the worst parts of my brain, the ones wired to crave punishment and destruction. If he wanted me broken and reliant on him, he was going to get it, no matter what I did.
The two teenage girls that’d been browsing the aisles finally stepped up to the counter with a bag of gummy candy, pretzels, and a bottle of Diet Coke.
“Is this going to be all?” I asked as I started scanning their stuff.
“And twenty dollars of gas,” one of the girls said.
“What pump are you at?”
The girls looked at each other with wide eyes. “Shit—I don’t know.”
I leaned over to look out the window, spotting an old black Honda Civic at one of the pumps. “Are you in the black Honda?” I questioned, pointing.
“Yes.” She nodded gratefully.
“That’s pump one,” I explained, punching buttons on the register. The drawer slid open loudly and I fished out the girls’ change, then slid it across the counter with what I hoped looked like a friendly smile. “There you go.”
“Thank you so much!” One of the girls scooped up the change and the other grabbed the bag of snacks.
“Yeah, thank you!”
“No problem.”
They darted back out the door and across the pothole-covered parking lot, the wind sweeping their hair around their heads and ruffling the plastic bag.
I just stared at them for a few minutes, watching them laugh at the gas pump together, both of them staring at the little screen, then pointing at the different fuel grades.
One of the girls finally lifted the nozzle, realized the gas cap on the car wasn’t open, then motioned for her friend to go pull the latch inside the driver’s side.
It took her friend a good minute to find it, both of them laughing harder now.
Eventually they got it figured out, pumped their gas, then hopped in the car and drove away as I watched quietly through the window.
I turned my attention back towards the inside of the station, my mind numb.
A few minutes later, the door swung open again.
“Hey, butterfly,” Eric greeted. “Ready for a break?”
“Hi, Eric.” I waved. “Sure.”
“I didn’t see Bug around, but maybe it’s just ‘cause you weren’t out there yet.” He walked past me into the back office to set his things down, then returned to relieve me of my place at the register. “Been busy today?”
“Not really.” I shook my head.
“Do you want to leave early?” he questioned, looking at me with sincerity in his eyes. I knew he wouldn’t look at me like that if he knew the real reasons I was sad, though.
I just shook my head again. “No. My friend is picking me up after my shift.”
“Your friend—Mila?”
My eyes widened a tiny bit. He knows her name? It wasn’t that unusual, I supposed. I’d probably mentioned her—or maybe she’d told him her name? I rolled my lips together to keep from laughing.
“Yep. Mila.”
“I gotcha. Well, go get your food and get out of here.” He waved me off.
I filled up a cup with cherry slush, then swiped a package of crackers off the shelf, glancing over at Eric to make sure he didn’t care.
He just mimicked locking his lips and throwing away the key.
I grinned, then went to the back door and pushed my way outside, slipping my phone out of my pocket as the cold breeze swept around me, fingers pressed to the red and orange stripes looping around my clear plastic cup.
Me
Eric knows your name
I tore open the crackers and sat down on the curb, stretching my legs out in front of me, tilting my feet to tap the soles of my boots together as I ate. Bug was nowhere to be found, unfortunately. Gray clouds pressed down above me, thick and spanning the full dome of the sky, moving with the wind.
My phone buzzed on the pavement next to me as I sucked on the straw of my drink, artificial cherry melting over my tongue. It was almost too cold outside now to be drinking something frozen, but I could manage.
Mila
You’re shitting me. How does he know that?
Me
Did you tell him?
Mila
I have no idea. I just kinda blacked out when I talked to him
Me
LOL okay maybe it was me
Mila
I’m wearing a push up bra when I come to pick you up today
A burst of laughter escaped my red-stained lips, and I tilted my head back, a few stray pieces of hair skimming my cheeks when the breeze shifted. I could hear a car pulling into the lot, gravel crunching under the wheels, but I was hidden from sight where I sat behind the fence.
Me
I’ll be looking forward to it
I ate the rest of my crackers, washing down the crumbs with my slowly-melting cherry slush, swirling the frosty drink in its plastic cup. A few black-winged birds swooped around the station, flying over my head, one of them landing on the cracked pavement and two more landing on top of the fence.
I felt guilty that I hadn’t been texting Mila much recently, but she never faulted me for it.
The people who might actually fault me for my absence were my Unit Ops group mates, but I hoped that my contributions to our upcoming report would make up for my quietness.
I might not reply to texts, but I would get done what I needed to.
None of my other classes had groups, so all my failures and missing assignments were only affecting me. I could be grateful for that, at least.
Checking the time on my phone, I decided to go inside early. There weren’t enough distractions from my thoughts out here. Eric tried to make me go back outside and finish my break, but I refused, and he eventually relented, letting me swap with him at the register.
I plopped myself on the stool, ready to wait out the last few hours of my shift.