Chapter 25 #2
I whimpered as he pushed inside of me, my fingers curling on the edge.
“Fuck,” I breathed.
Then, Mason fucked me.
Hard and ruthless, like always.
He fucked me until he came deep inside of my body, both of us damp with bathwater and sweat, my hands still holding onto the ledge of the tub for dear life.
“Are you going to tell me why you hate Micah now?” I asked as Mason lazily pumped his hips, thrusting his cum back inside of me.
He stiffened.
“You know why.”
“I know all the lies you tell me, but I don’t know the actual reason.”
“Fucking drop it,” he said through his teeth.
I looked at him over my shoulder, anger curling through me. “No. I’m not going to drop it. You owe me some sort of answer about something.”
“I don’t.”
“You do! Are you serious?”
Before I had the chance to prepare, he grabbed the back of my head and violently shoved me forward, submerging my head in the water. Pure, undiluted fear shocked my entire system as water streamed into my nose and I choked on the air he wasn’t allowing me to have.
After a second, he let me up.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!” I screamed, trying to stand up, but he just held me down.
He escalated so fast it horrified me.
“Everything. Everything is wrong with me.”
And then I was below the surface again, fighting him, realizing I never got a good breath in. The angle was terrifying and his strength was terrifying and I couldn’t believe I’d let myself be trapped here again with him. I shouldn’t have been surprised with his roughness, but somehow I was.
Mason was always so much worse than I thought. It was about time I finally remembered the version of him inside my head didn’t exist. The version who only hurt me because I wanted him to.
The real Mason would hurt me for any reason at any moment. I couldn’t predict him.
I needed to hammer that truth into my forgiving brain, make myself bleed with it, but the water was making it so hard to think, so hard to commit anything to memory except the feeling of fighting for my life.
I gasped as Mason yanked me up, water pouring off my hair all around my face, loudly streaming into the tub. I coughed and choked, gasping.
“Are you done?” Mason asked.
“No. I can’t wait until I leave here so I can go to Micah’s house, and he’ll never let you see me again,” I spit out, my tone full of venom.
“Do you think I give a fuck about what he’ll let me do? He can’t keep me from you, Dakota.” My heart was beating too hard, my pulse flying too fast. His fingers were tightly gripping my hair, pulling hard on my scalp. “No one can take you from me.”
My head was pushed below the water again, air bubbles exploding from my lips as I screamed and thrashed.
Please just fucking stop.
When he finally let go, I was more ready this time.
I spun around, clawing at him with my nails, wet strands of my hair plastered on my skin down to my ass. Wrapped around my upper arms like rope, clinging to my waist.
My hand cracked across the side of his face, my palm stinging.
“This is why the fuck we’re not going to end up together!” I screamed. “Because you are a fucking psychopath!”
I tried to run past him out of the bathroom, but he caught me with his hands looped around my waist, yanking me off my feet and into his arms.
“You can’t leave me, Dakota.”
I shook my head again and again, pushing him away. But he wouldn’t fucking budge.
He grabbed my face with two hands and forced me to look him in the eye.
“Do you want to leave me?” he asked desperately.
My chest was heaving and my eyes were stinging and I really, really wished I wanted to say yes. But I didn’t. There was a difference between knowing what was best for me and knowing what my pathetic, bleeding heart actually wanted.
I couldn’t speak as a single tear tipped over my lashes. I shook my head.
No, I don’t want to leave you.
Deep down, I’ll always want this.
But me wanting it wouldn’t save me from being destroyed by it. My desire couldn’t protect me—though maybe this assured destruction was the reason I wanted it in the first place.
Maybe I kept coming back because I knew he was going to hurt me.
That’s terrible.
“Okay,” Mason said, breathing a sigh of relief as he hugged me to his warm chest. “Good.”
“Why do you care?” I whispered. “Why do you care if I want to leave?”
“I want to be with you. It doesn’t matter why.”
“Yes it does,” I said under my breath, trying to will away the pressure behind my eyes. “Please let go of me.”
After a minute, he loosened his hold enough for me to slip away from him and out of the bathroom. I crawled onto the bed, grabbing my phone off the charger and staring at the screen with blurry vision. Mason was close behind me, climbing onto the mattress at my back, never letting me breathe.
“I fucking need you, baby,” he said, making me look at him again. “I need you so much. Okay?”
“Why?” I whispered, no longer attempting to stop my tears from falling. I was tired and overwhelmed and cold from my soaking-wet hair.
“I don’t want to talk about this. It’ll ruin everything.”
“Everything is already ruined, Mason,” I pleaded weakly, hardly able to muster the strength to care about this anymore.
Nothing in my life felt good, and nobody ever listened to me.
Nothing was ever going to get better. Our circles were turning into spirals, and all of us were heading straight towards the drain.
“It’s only going to keep getting worse. We both know that.
Whatever’s happening between us isn’t sustainable if all we do is hurt each other. ”
“It is sustainable and that’s not all we do.”
“Don’t be fucking stupid.” I shook my head, my cheeks slick and my chest aching.
“Don’t be fucking stubborn.”
“I am stubborn, and I’m going to text Micah to pick me up unless you talk to me.
” I stared at him, wondering if he could see how much I despised how he was acting, wondering if he could see how badly I wanted him to give me something real.
But if he could see it, he didn’t care. More pointless tears rolled down my cheeks.
“Fine. Text him, then,” Mason said.
I physically recoiled, as if he’d slapped me.
“I hate you,” I seethed, his words stabbing straight into my heart.
He was killing me with everything he said, cutting me to pieces, butchering all the soft parts of me.
He’d rather let me feel like I was dying than be honest with me.
I’m bleeding out right in front of you and you don’t even care.
“I hate the way you make me feel, the way you make me act, the things you make me want.”
“You wanted all that shit before you met me, Dakota,” Mason said through gritted teeth, his hand snapping up to grab my jaw too hard.
Always too hard. Could he even tell that he was using too much force, or did he simply not care?
“Just because I’m the only one brave enough to go there with you, doesn’t mean I caused it to exist.”
“You’re not brave, you’re sick in the head!
What is it you’re so afraid to tell me?” I screamed, wincing at the force of his fingers pressing into my tear stained cheeks.
“I can’t fathom you telling me anything that will make me feel worse than how I feel right now!
I don’t flinch with you. Remember that? It goes both ways. ”
“It doesn’t go this way.”
My vision was going red with how fucking angry he made me. I clenched my hands into fists, curling my fingers tighter until my fingernails were digging into my palms. He was immovable.
I would do anything he asked me to, except this. And I couldn’t fucking stand the fact that he didn’t seem to care.
I can’t accept this. I can’t stay here with you and let you hurt me when it’s all you ever do. I need more than that.
I grabbed his wrist and yanked his hand off my face, then jumped off the bed and darted into his bathroom, slamming the door shut and clicking the lock on the handle with trembling fingers. Crying harder, I typed out my text to Micah.
He responded right away. I wished it made me feel better.
I could hear Mason on the other side of the door, jamming something into the locking mechanism on the outside of the door handle. The sound of metal on metal made me jump. The lock popped open and I instantly pushed it in again.
“Don’t come in here,” I warned, my wide eyes staring on the door handle.
“This is my apartment.”
“Please leave me alone,” I said, pushing the lock in again.
“I’m going to get in there, one way or the other.”
The lock sprung open; I jammed it back down with my thumb.
I thought of how stupid I’d been over the past months, how fucking naive. Even when I knew better, I didn’t change my actions.
I wasn’t the person who was going to survive with him. I wasn’t the only person who could understand him, who could match his darkness, who wanted to go this deep with him. Because I didn’t understand him. And he would never let me.
“Dakota,” Mason warned. I could feel him leaning against the wood.
“Please leave me alone,” I repeated, more tears rolling down my cheeks, my jaw clenched with anxiety, my thumb keeping the lock pushed in.
“I’m going to break the door open if you don’t let me come in.”
I didn’t say anything, still staring at the lock on the handle.
At least I knew I didn’t need to be here much longer.
Micah would be picking me up soon.
“Dakota!”
I flinched, eyes squeezing shut, hands shaking.
He wasn’t going to give up, just like he’d said.
As quietly as possible, I stepped away from the door and grabbed my clothes off the floor, yanking on my underwear then my pants and shirt. The door flung open as I pulled on one sock, Mason stalking over to me as I cowered away from him.
“Why do you want to leave me?” he asked loudly.
“I don’t want to leave you, and that’s exactly why I have to! If I keep letting myself stay, I’m going to eventually let you kill me. Tell me I’m wrong for thinking that.”
“You’re wrong for thinking that. I would never kill you, baby.”