Chapter 70 #3
“It’s settled, then.” She grabbed her phone off the charger then rolled onto her stomach. Her thumbs tapped rapidly over the screen, but I saw her eyes sliding over in my direction. “Are you still…hooking up with that guy?” She grinned. “Mason? I know it’s been a while since you mentioned him.”
Despite our few hangouts recently, we had not discussed my love life at all.
I blew out a long breath.
“Actually, yes.”
“Good!” she screamed. “I was actually worried you broke up, since you were so sad. But I’m happy that’s not the case. He’s really fucking hot, Kota.”
“I know. We almost broke up, but no. Doing much better now.” I considered just telling her about Micah right then, but I still didn’t have a good picture to show her.
I could show the tiny one in my locket, all grainy and black and white from the school printer, or the one I’d taken on my phone, but in that one he was covered in black veining.
Neither one felt like the appropriate introduction for the other love of my life. I could wait a little longer.
“That makes me really happy for you” she said, her voice genuine.
“Are you doing well? Med school good?” I asked, hoping to shift the conversation away from myself for a minute.
“It is what it is, you know?” She was lying on her back now, phone on her chest as she stared up at the ceiling. I traced her side profile with my eyes. Her cute nose, full lips, the few freckles on her cheeks. She had brown eyes, like Mason, but bigger. Doe eyes.
“Does that mean good or bad?” I questioned, rolling to lay on my back, too.
“Mostly good. It’s stressful, though. That same cardiothoracic gunner bitch is in another class with me. I’m jealous you’re out of school now.” She slid her hand across the comforter and fuzzy blanket, her pinkie brushing mine. I interlocked them. “I wish I was not doing school.”
“So far, post grad has not been as fun as I’d hoped,” I admitted. “I obviously don’t have a job besides the gas station or anything. And I’ve been a shitty friend to you for a while.”
“You’re not a shitty friend, Dakota.” Mila turned her head to look at me. I met her eye, biting my lower lip to stop it from quivering.
“Yes, I am. I don’t want you to tell me that I’m not—I don’t want you to have to lie to me to spare my feelings, or anything. I haven’t been here for you for fucking months, Mils.”
“But that’s okay,” she reassured me. “Shit happens. You’re going through things.”
“So are you,” I reasoned.
“Meh. Just school. Thankfully, I’ve not been tormented by a man in a while.”
“That’s good.” I managed a small laugh. “I do feel bad, though. I know I’ve been off. I’m working on it.”
“You never have to be perfect for me.” Her voice was softer, her eyes sincere. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I pressed my lips together in a little smile.
“Also, I blocked my brother’s number.” A tear did slip down my cheek then, and I swiped it away while I laughed.
I’d mentioned this to Micah, but it somehow felt more real when I said it to my best friend.
“That’s really fucking stupid, but it’s true.
I guess I’m really starting no-contact, or whatever. He doesn’t give a fuck about me.”
“That’s really good, zayka!!” Mila exclaimed, crawling over to me and wrapping her arms around me as best as she could, our legs tangling together. “It’s not stupid at all. Cutting people off is hard. Especially family.”
“I don’t know. It feels silly, I guess. I don’t know why I even entertained any conversation with him the past four years.
In some part of my brain, I felt like maybe he loved me in some way.
I mean, we’re siblings. Siblings usually drift apart during adulthood, but they still talk. I wanted to be normal.”
Mila just shook her head. “You do whatever you need to feel happy. He deserves to rot in hell.”
“My parents are already annoyed I didn’t go to his wedding.
Like, it’s just over for me. There wasn’t even a big moment where we fought or something.
But I had to be done.” Mila rolled off me onto the mattress, re-linking our pinkie fingers.
“I saw him at Thanksgiving last year, and he was really different. Didn’t seem to hate our dad at all.
I don’t know what his deal is. It just sucks. ”
“It does suck. I wish there was something better than that I could say.” Mila’s lip jutted out in a frown.
“But you know I’m proud of you for taking that step of blocking him.
A lot of people don’t do that. They try to keep the peace.
But family really doesn’t mean shit, if they treat you like that. Peace isn’t worth your mental health.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “It’s only peaceful for other people. Not me.” I laughed slightly.
“Exactly.” A soft smile curved up the corners of her mouth. “I really do love you. And I’m very proud. I know it wasn’t easy to do that.”
“Thank you.” My voice was quiet. “I really love you, too.”
Mila squeezed her pinkie finger tighter with mine.
I did love her. I loved her so much.
And she loved me. Dakota-me. Not someone’s obsession or someone’s salvation or an angel fallen from the real version of Heaven. Just me. From high school until now. That comforted me a lot.
If anyone could truly understand how difficult it’d been for me to completely cut my brother off, it was her. Because even if she wasn’t fully aware of what was happening, she knew me back then. She knew me in all the painful years after. She had seen me fight this battle for a long time.
To other people, blocking Anthony would not seem like a victory.
But it was to me. And to Mila. She understood.
My aspiring pediatric oncologist, scary movie loving, very Russian, always supportive, completely perfect-for-me best friend.
“Are we watching a movie tonight?” I asked. “I brought food.”
“You know, I did see that!” Mila squealed, getting up on her knees and digging through the plastic shopping bag I’d brought with me that contained our snacks. “Oh, thank God, you did not bring peach rings.”
“To be honest, I could really go for some peach rings, but I know you went through a whole ordeal with that.”
“Way too many pounds of peach rings. I’m sick thinking about it.”
I giggled. “Yes, well, that’s why I got the gummy worms.”
“You’re the best. For real. And I want to watch something really scary. Like so bad I won’t be able to sleep. And I’ll throw up from anticipation of the jump scares.”
“Okay,” I said through my laughter. Mila was laughing, too. “We can find something like that, I’m sure.”
“And you’re sleeping over. Right? I need to confirm your Pinterest boyfriend isn’t going to steal you from me again.”
“I’m sleeping over,” I confirmed. “He’s not gonna do that shit anymore. Promise. I am laying down the law with him.”
“Good! Okay, let’s go.”
She pulled me off the bed and we went into the living room together, both of us smiling, happiness filling up my chest, glowing in my entire soul.