Chapter Eleven
? Holly ?
“You really need to think of your future, dear.”
I blinked at the guidance counselor, biting my tongue instead of telling her any dreams of the future I’d once had had vanished the second my childhood burned down around me.
When you get wrenched from the innocence of being young and dumb, when the ugliness of life throws curveballs you never saw coming…
You don’t think about after. You just think about the now.
How to survive. How to stop the bleeding.
But she was staring at me expectantly still so I took the packet she held out to me.
I thumbed through it. My transcripts, a How-To guide on writing a good admission essay, the best schools for the most popular majors.
“You are very bright, Ms. McCarthy. I understand you’ve been through quite a lot.” She hesitated and then reached over and grabbed my hand that was resting on her desk. “Don’t let the bad guys win.” I smiled thinly, thanking her for her time and all but running from the office.
Maria waited for me outside, having just completed her own guidance nightmare.
She had decided after the 3D ultrasound to put a hold on college until she could get herself on her feet.
Find a good place, a steady job, and be the best mom she could be.
My mom was flabbergasted, insisting Maria needed to go to college, but I understood where she was coming from.
And I wasn’t going to push my bestie to do something she didn’t want.
It’s not like college was going anywhere.
Right this second, or ten years from now.
If she wanted to get a degree, great. If not, that was fine too.
And I figured the same went for me. I had no idea what I wanted to do.
Once upon a time, I had dreamed of coaching other girls to dominate the stage like I once had.
But the thought nearly had me vomiting now.
“Hey, have fun?”
I waved my packet at Maria, “Loads. Wanna skip last period and go grab some food?”
“Oh heck yes. Momma Laverne’s?”
“I could go for that.”
Last period was basically just a filler course—something to keep seniors occupied until prom, which was this weekend.
After that, graduation. And then? Sky’s the limit.
Or so the giant poster outside the counselor’s office said.
Maria linked her arm through mine, leaning on me heavily.
She was so pregnant I was genuinely concerned that if I poked her belly too hard, a baby would fall out.
We made our way outside and I helped her slide into Sally.
I tossed the useless “Preparing For Your Future” file in the back seat and headed towards our favorite spot.
Momma Laverne greeted us warmly, yelling from the kitchen in that boisterous way I had come to learn was uniquely her’s. Maria shoved herself into a booth, the only one with spacing big enough for her now. I slid across from her right as Momma came up to us with two waters.
“How are my favorite girls?”
“Hungry,” I gave her a half smile and she winked at me.
Maria rubbed her belly and said, “In between getting the shit kicked out of me, my stomach is rumbling. I could eat a horse.”
Momma Laverne leaned down, placing a gentle hand on Maria’s belly.
She didn’t ask permission; she didn’t need to.
She might as well be blood, as much time as we’ve spent in this diner.
“There’s my favorite little nugget. You be nice to your momma now, you hear?
” She straightened and said, “The usual I assume?” Maria and I didn’t even need menus.
We almost always got the same thing. Pork steak for her, fried chicken for me.
Yes freaking please! I watched Momma bustle away, ample bosom bumping into tables as she went.
Like the sweetest bull in the China shop.
I glanced over at Maria and found her rubbing her belly and chewing on her lip—a habit when she was nervous or worried about something. “What’s on your mind?”
She shrugged. “The future. Worrying like I always do.”
“About what?”
“I dunno…will I be a good mom? Is choosing to not go to college a bad decision? How long will I have put up with her dang sperm donor?”
I grabbed a warm biscuit from the plate Momma had dropped off and drizzled honey on it before replying, “Ok, one. Yes. Absolutely yes. You will be a wonderful mom. Second, I can’t answer that one.
Tragically, I do not have the powers to see into the future.
But if it’s what you feel is best, and you’re just worrying about what everyone else will think?
Fuck ’em. And lastly, my offer to kill him still stands.
Diego would probably help. They would never find the body. ”
She cracked a smile. “Murder is illegal, Holly.”
I licked honey from my fingers. “Only if you get caught.”
She laughed. “I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.”
I smiled back at her. She might be my only friend in the world.
But she was a good one. And I would be damned if I was going to let anyone dim that glow.
I envied her a little, if I was being honest. After all she had been through, she still had a light.
A kindness in her eyes. She was beautiful inside and out.
Maybe one day she would rub off on me. I watched as she attacked the tray of biscuits in a way benefiting a pregnant queen.
Shortly after, Momma interrupted my racing thoughts with our food.
In between bites of collards, Maria peppered me with questions.
“You’re not going to college?”
“Negative, ghostrider.”
“But you’re so smart!”
I would shrug, and she would change subject at the speed of light.
“Are you sure you don’t want a bite?”
“Pass.”
“Are you excited for prom?”
“Eh.”
“And it doesn’t bother you that Diego and I are going together?”
“Why would it?”
Every now and then, Momma would appear, refilling our drinks and showering us with tidbits of wisdom.
Eventually, after an obnoxiously large piece of pie, Maria and I sat back in our seats.
As happy and fat as two ticks on a one-eyed dog, as Momma would say.
When I realized Maria was slowly falling asleep in the booth, I paid our ticket and helped her up.
I was fixing to follow her out the door when Momma stopped me.
“Holly, honey, can I talk to you?
“Uhm…”
Maria glanced between her and I, “Go ahead, I’ll just wait in the car.”
I tossed her the keys and turned to Momma Laverne, “What’s up?”
“I just want to say you are a damn good girl, taking care of your friend like that.”
“Oh, well…”
She raised a hand, “No, don’t downplay what you do, sweetie.
I just wanted you to hear it from someone.
You are a good kid. You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and I’m sorry it did.
If I ever get my hands on that sombitch, I’m feeding him a pie Help style.
That all being said, I am real glad you’re here.
And whatever you decide to do with your future, I know it’ll be amazing. ”
A feeling I had almost forgotten crept its way into my chest. A feeling that came from being loved and accepted.
Something my own mother had made me feel when I was young.
Before it all. But now, standing in this dank diner with a woman who had become family, I felt a little piece of my heart slip back into place.
Fighting to keep the tears back, I did my best to wrap my arms around her.
She engulfed me in a hug and squeezed gently.
Sniffling, I stepped back. “Thanks Momma. I better go. Maria’s waiting.
” She smiled softly at me and shooed me out the door.
I was still floating on something awful close to Cloud Nine when I made my way around the corner and into the parking lot.
Much to my surprise, Maria wasn’t in the car.
She was just standing there, clutching a note in shaking hands.
Fucking deja vu. I hurried to her, and she handed it to me without a word.
Little dove, can’t wait to see how pretty you look in your dress. See you soon.
I glared at it, before pulling my phone out and taking a picture.
Crumpling it, I threw it to the ground as I sent the picture to Diego.
After last time, I had gotten Diego’s number the very next day.
The slightest hint that Maria might be in danger and I was pretty sure he would’ve sold me his bike. This time, his response was instant.
Diego: “She ok?”
Me: “She will be, I’m taking her home now. Leaving Laverne’s.”
Diego: “Let me know when y’all get home.”
I ushered Maria into the passenger seat, looking around us and second-guessing every shadow. It was a feeling I did not miss.
When we got home, my mom and dad could immediately tell something was off.
Maria bolted upstairs, leaving me to explain what had happened.
I did so, briefly. My mom’s whole face pinched like she had swallowed a lemon, the way it did when she was really mad but trying to maintain face.
Eyes narrowed, lips nothing more than thin lines.
My dad’s face grew stormy, and he marched out of the room muttering something about calling August and the sheriff.
Mom looked like she wanted to ask me something but I hurried off before she could start a conversation I wasn’t ready to have.
Upstairs, I knocked on Maria’s closed door and told her that Dad was calling Mr. Mills.
I also reminded her to check in with Diego, who was probably champing at the bit to run Jesse over with his bike.
When she didn’t respond, I went to my room and took a shower—letting the hot water wash away the sins of the past and the shadows that plagued me.
Dad came in when I was sitting at my vanity, braiding my wet hair.
“You ok, bug?”
I nodded, looking at him in the mirror’s reflection. “Yeah, just wish he would leave us alone.”