Chapter 19
For Nate, it was amazing how everything changed after the incident with Jordan.
Everything and nothing, at the same time.
He and Ramsey had gone to bed together, like it was any other night, and Ramsey had touched him the same as he had so many other times.
It made Nate wonder how long they’d both felt this way, unsure how to breach that last bit of distance between them.
But regardless, they woke up the next morning, and their routine was the same.
Breakfast. Shower. Ramsey went to the rink and Nate went to the practice facility to work out. Insisted on Jordan joining him, and while he seemed quieter, more subdued than normal, he seemed relatively okay in the aftermath.
Jordan made noise again about replacing the watch and Ramsey’s chain, but Nate brushed him off. The watch wasn’t that valuable, in the scheme of things, something he could fairly easily replace if he chose to, and as for the chain, Nate was intending to take care of that himself.
After working out and showering, he offered to grab lunch with Jordan, but Jordan just huffed with exasperation. “Don’t fucking hover, man. I’m okay.”
Nate got it. Jordan had fucked up and was still, as Ramsey had put it, licking his wounds.
“Alright, alright,” he said and instead grabbed takeout sushi on the way home, hoping that Ramsey would be back from the rink and they could eat together. If not, it would keep in the fridge until he was.
When he walked in, sure enough Ramsey was there, on the phone.
“Yeah,” Ramsey said as he paced back and forth in the living room. “Yeah, I know the Leafs want a d-man. They’ll be interested. Only question is what are the Wolves going to give up for me.”
Nate, in the process of unloading the food from the bags in the kitchen, froze.
Ramsey continued. “I don’t care. I just need you to get it done. The deal’s there. I can’t stay in Buffalo, no matter how much they want me to. Yeah. For personal reasons.” He paused. “No, I’m not going into why. With you or with them. Just . . .yeah. I’m not leaving Toronto.”
Nate unfroze. Strode into the living room.
Ramsey didn’t look surprised to see him, just tilted his head and gave him a look like, I’ll be done in a minute.
But Ramsey couldn’t be done in a minute. Nate needed to talk to him first. Needed to tell him that he didn’t have to do this, not unless he wanted to.
He certainly didn’t need to do this for Nate.
Nate approached, fingers closing around his forearm and Ramsey gave him another look. Nate was sure it was subtitled, what did I just tell you?
“I need to talk to you,” Nate murmured under his breath despite Ramsey warning him off.
A third look. You’re not stupid; so why are you acting stupid?
Nate wasn’t acting stupid though. He was being a hell of a lot smarter than Ramsey was being right now—though he certainly wasn’t going to be dumb enough to phrase it that way.
“I mean it,” Nate said insistently.
Ramsey sighed. Pulled the phone away from his ear. “What?” he hissed.
“Don’t do this without talking to me first.”
“What—”
“I mean it,” Nate said.
He loved Ramsey—that didn’t mean he wanted him to give up the team that had never given up on him, just to make their relationship work.
“Hey Barty, can I call you back?” A pause. Ramsey huffed in annoyance. “I know. I know, but you know that personal reason? Yeah. They just got home, and they’re insisting. I’ll call you back in five.”
It wasn’t going to take five minutes for Nate to say what he needed to. But maybe it would take five minutes for Ramsey to believe it was true.
Frankly, it was probably going to take more like five months, but Nate was willing to put in the work. When he’d fallen in love with Ramsey, he’d done so with eyes wide open. He wasn’t always going to be easy, but Nate was going to choose him every time, no matter what.
Ramsey lowered the phone finally. “What?” he sniped, sounding annoyed. Maybe justifiably. “Barty doesn’t have all the time in the world, and he’s got to—”
“I know what you want him to do,” Nate interrupted. “And what I wanted to tell you—what I needed to tell you is that he doesn’t have to.”
Ramsey’s jaw dropped a little. “You realize I don’t live here, right? You’re smart. Of course you know that.”
Nate waited for him to work through it. Ramsey was maybe the smartest person Nate had ever met, and still it took a beat longer than he was expecting.
“What, you want to do long-distance?” Ramsey shook his head, like he was disagreeing with his own conclusion. “Why would you want that—” He broke off. “Fuck, you do want to do that.”
Nate looked him straight in the eyes. They were wide and so blue. Nate wanted to get lost in them, but he couldn’t. Not yet anyway. He needed Ramsey to believe this first.
“It’s a lot of overlap sure, but the distance isn’t that crazy, especially if I get a place closer to the border. And while your season goes through what, April? I’m done, best possible scenario, in early February. And you don’t start up in earnest until late September.”
Ramsey stared at him like he’d just grown a second head.
“We’re both intelligent people with a lot of resources,” Nate continued.
“You can say rich,” Ramsey interrupted him wryly.
“Okay, we’re both smart and we’re both rich. We can do this for October through February.”
“The Leafs want a better d-man, though,” Ramsey said.
“And you want to stay with Buffalo,” Nate said. “When I told you I loved you, I didn’t mean I only loved you if you were in Toronto. I meant that I love you, no matter what.”
“But—”
“Do you trust me?” Nate asked.
Ramsey shot him a look. “I thought a foundational part of your argument was that you were intelligent—that we’re both intelligent.”
“It is.”
“Then don’t ask me if I trust you. You know I trust you. You know I’ve never, that I’ve never even wanted to be with someone before. Just you.” Ramsey rolled his eyes, probably at himself.
“I know. And you trust me,” Nate said patiently. This was going about as he’d expected it would. Maybe a little better, even.
Ramsey nodded, and it seemed like he was on the brink of agreeing. So maybe a lot better.
“Is it always going to be easy? I don’t think so, but you’re worth it, to me.”
Ramsey raised an eyebrow. “Just like that? I’m worth probably a longer commute for you. I’m worth dealing with long-distance bullshit. You know we play a lot more than one game a week.”
Maybe he didn’t want to believe it was true, but Nate was going to make sure of it.
“I know,” Nate said steadily.
Ramsey laughed, hysterical around the edges. “Shit. I don’t—” He broke off, rubbing his face. “I didn’t even imagine this was an option.”
God, Nate loved him so much. Even when he, the smartest person he knew, was being stupid.
“Guess you aren’t that brilliant after all,” Nate teased.
Ramsey squawked in outrage, but that sound dissolved easily into relieved laughter.
“God, you’re right of course. I don’t want to play for Toronto.
I love Mal and Elliott, but I don’t want to play here.
I want to play for the team that . . .” He took a deep breath.
“The one that wants me. The one that never gave up on me, even though it would’ve been easier to do it.
But then you know that. You knew it the whole time. ” Ramsey laughed again, unsteadily.
“I did,” Nate said. He leaned in, cupping the side of Ramsey’s beloved face.
It was nice, of course, that it looked like that, but it wasn’t necessary.
It was only necessary it be attached to the man Ramsey was.
“I’ve known for awhile that you were it for me.
In the scheme of things, this isn’t even the most difficult obstacle we’ve overcome. ”
Ramsey smiled at him. A small private amused smile. The kind that Nate had begun to realize he saved just for him. “That was probably my entire self believing wholeheartedly I’d never want anyone. Or need anyone.”
“Probably,” Nate conceded.
“You know me, probably better than anyone else, so you’ll get what a big deal this is but . . .” Ramsey laughed again, lighter and carefree now. “But, God, I was so fucking wrong.”
“I know,” Nate said and leaned in, sealing the end of their debate with a kiss.
A second later, Ramsey pulled back. “Wait,” he said, “before you do that thing with your tongue in my mouth, I gotta call Barty back. Tell him to forget the whole thing.”
“How long has it been?” Nate wondered.
“How long has what been?”
“Since you hung up with your agent.” Nate was pretty sure it had been less than five minutes but he was still curious.
“Like a couple of minutes?” When Nate didn’t respond, Ramsey rolled his eyes and checked his phone. “Four and some change. That good?”
“It’s fucking amazing,” Nate said and leaned in, kissing him again, long and lush.
“Wait, wait.” Ramsey pulled back an inch. “Did you bet you could make me change my mind in under five minutes?”
Nate considered the question. “Is it betting if you’re betting with yourself?”
Ramsey stared at him, and for a single moment, Nate wasn’t sure what reaction he was seeing. Then Ramsey melted, sinking into him, mouth hot and sure on his. “God,” Ramsey murmured against his mouth, “you’re so fucking perfect for me.”
He reached down, digging his fingers into Nate’s waist and pulling him in the direction of the bedroom. “Sex now.”
Nate laughed. “What about Barty?”
Ramsey typed out a quick message, flashed the screen towards Nate—who barely caught the words forget it, I was stupid, don’t trade me—and then he tossed his phone onto the couch before pulling Nate against him.
“That’s all you wanted to say?” Nate said in disbelief.
“Covered the important points, yeah,” Ramsey said and then he was kissing Nate again, and it was so good, so right, it was hard to keep his wits about him.
But then, maybe keeping his wits about him was overrated.
Maybe what they both needed was to get lost in each other for awhile.
“Should I be flattered that you didn’t send him a whole three point plan?”