Chapter 2
Lourdes Craige
“This little belly is tripping me out, Lo-Lo Pop,” my Granny reached out and rubbed my exposed bump.
When I found out I was pregnant a month ago I had no belly to show for it even though I was four months.
It was now late September, I was five months along, and my belly had seemingly grown overnight.
It was far from big, but it was obvious I was pregnant.
I hadn’t announced it to the world yet, but my family and friends knew because I couldn’t hide it.
However, I had told my mom the news before I started showing. Actually, I confirmed the news for her.
“That belly grew overnight,” my mom said. “And she obviously couldn’t wait cause she can’t stop showing it off.”
I laughed because I had been purposely showing off my small bump.
I lived for the way Rihanna didn’t hide her belly during her first pregnancy.
I wanted to own my pregnancy the same way.
Today I was casually cute in a white graphic crop top that said “Pink Princess” with pink yoga pants and Hello Kitty crocs.
My grandma had cooked Sunday dinner, so she had a revolving door of family coming and going.
She had made more than enough food to go around.
I had already eaten twice and she made me two to-go plates.
“Ain’t nothing wrong with that,” my Granny smiled. “Having a baby is a blessing. She should be proud and eager to show it off.” She was speaking in a code that only me and my mom understood.
I swore up and down I was getting an abortion after Armias outright denied the baby.
After blocking him on everything, I booked a flight to LA and a lavish, high rise apartment on Airbnb.
I felt strong and secure in my decision until it was time to look up clinics and book the actual appointment to get the abortion.
I broke down crying and I didn’t stop for hours.
I was so conflicted. Before Armias gave me his ass to kiss, I wanted my baby girl.
Being a girl mom was something I always wanted for myself.
God was blessing me with a daughter for my first pregnancy and that was no coincidence.
However, I knew what it felt like growing up without a dad and feeling unwanted.
I didn’t want that for my daughter. I also didn’t want to go through my first pregnancy alone.
I wanted to be loved, supported, and dotted on.
I wasn’t going to get any of that from the man who impregnated me, so I had to decide if that was something I could handle.
I spent days crying and feeling sorry for myself just to find out that Armias had apparently had a change of heart.
He reached out to my mom and put all my business on front street.
Hey Ms. Lucia, tell your daughter to unblock me and call me when she gets a chance. It’s important.
Hey baby, I’m just seeing this. I will let her know. In the meantime tell your miserable ass mammy to stop talking shit about my child on Facebook unless she’s ready to fight about it.
I’m not on Facebook to know anything about that, but if it’s true then I apologize. At the end of the day we’re going to be family, so there’ll be no fighting or drama. My baby don’t deserve that.
Boy, what the hell are you talking about?
You ain’t know? Lourdes claimed that she’s pregnant with my daughter. I would hope she’s not lying about nothing like that. I know we did more than enough for it to be true. So have her call me asap. Idk why she would block me in the first place as if we don’t have a lot to figure out.
My heart dropped into my ass when my mom called me and relayed that entire conversation to me through tears.
I confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, but I also let her know that I was heavily considering an abortion.
My mom had always been pro-choice and she urged me to take my time when it came to having kids.
She was always vocal about not wanting me to be a single mom like her.
So I was surprised when she grew more hysterical when I mentioned an abortion.
She told me straight up that she felt like I’d be going against God’s will if I got rid of my baby girl.
She had an excuse for all of my reservations.
“Mama, I don’t want to get an abortion but I don’t like the way Armias handled me over the phone. He denied the baby flat out and I don’t want to subject an innocent child to that.”
“I hear you, Lo, but clearly he was just mad and saying anything when you told him a few days ago. Try to keep in mind that y’all ended on bad terms because of your bullshit hitting the fan.”
I smacked my teeth. “It’s not like he’s innocent. The woman who answered his phone told me that much. We were both keeping secrets, but he’s acting like I did him so wrong.”
“Lourdes, I don’t know what’s going on with y’all relationship…but don’t kill an innocent baby because of it.”
“Since when are you against abortion?”
“Since I found out you were pregnant and far along enough to know what you’re having. Getting rid of that baby now would be cruel, Lo-Lo. Don’t do it.”
“I wasn’t going to do it, but this whole situation is ghetto and not how I imagined my first pregnancy. I want to feel loved and supported.”
“And you’ll have that from your family.”
“I know, but I want it from the person who got me pregnant, too.”
“Lo, Armias is asking for you to unblock him. Clearly he wants to be by your side and do his part. Don’t let his initial reaction make you do something you won’t be able to take back.”
“But mama he played me in front of his long time girlfriend I didn’t even know he had,” my voice cracked.
I wasn’t saying it out loud, but Naz was one of the biggest reasons I was contemplating an abortion.
Armias having a change of heart and wanting to be a part of the baby’s life was all fine and dandy, but if he had a woman he wouldn’t be able to be there in the way I wanted him to be.
He wouldn’t be able to rub my back, give me foot massages, kiss on my belly, or anything else that was too intimate because it would be inappropriate.
At the very most he’d probably come to doctor’s appointments and bring me some food if I was hungry.
If he had a bitch he’d have to consider her feelings and respect her, so I’d get the short end of the stick.
And it wouldn’t stop at my pregnancy. He wouldn’t be able to be there for me fully once the baby was born either.
It wasn’t like he was about to be at my house every night helping with the baby while he had a woman at home.
Even if he disregarded her feelings and moved how he wanted to, I wouldn’t allow that.
The lines would get blurred and I’d delusionally think we were a real family.
Then I’d be in my feelings whenever he went home to his woman.
I knew the only way to spare myself was to get an abortion…
but then I’d have to deal with the guilt and regret of that.
It was all too much and that’s why I couldn’t stop crying.
“I’m sorry that happened, baby, but please…don’t kill my granddaughter. This hurt you’re feeling right now is temporary, but an abortion is permanent. Just keep thinking about it. In the meantime, I’ma come over and cook for you. What do you have a taste for?”
Not only did my mom come over on that day but she brought my Granny with her after telling her my damn business.
That was strategic on her part because nobody could guilt me like my Granny.
They cooked my favorite meal; mashed potatoes, crispy baked chicken, cabbage, and corn bread while casually discussing the baby as if I’d announced I was keeping it.
From that day on they built some sort of routine where they’d come by my house a few times a week to cook, clean, and wait on me hand and foot.
My grandma sent me multiple bible verses and memes about motherhood every single day.
Then my mom had the audacity to set a date and book a hall for my baby shower.
Needless to say, they had successfully convinced me to keep my daughter.
They were showing me that I’d be supported regardless of if I had a traditional two parent household or not.
“I still can’t believe my baby is having a baby,” my mom smiled at me with more pride than she ever had in her life.
I can’t believe I really thought she’d be disappointed with the circumstances of my pregnancy.
It was apparent that she could care less because she never brought up Armias to me after that conversation where I confirmed my pregnancy to her.
It probably had something to do with the fact that he was the reason I was considering an abortion in the first place.
The one thing Lucia kept stressing was that I deserved to feel at peace for the remainder of my pregnancy.
“Yup, and she’s carrying so beautifully,” Auntie Luna grinned. She was my mom’s older sister by a year and Nalyssa’s mom. “That little belly is too cute. Her skin is glowing and perfectly clear. Her hair is getting longer, too. I’m surprised it’s a girl because they usually have you big and ugly.”
“Chile, don’t get me started,” my mom laughed. “My nose was as big as a bell pepper when I was pregnant with Lourdes.”
“Everything was swollen on me when I was pregnant with this one,” Auntie Luna reached over and touched Nalyssa’s hair.
She was unusually quiet, but nobody called her on it because her being mute meant she wasn’t annoying any of us.
I understood that pregnancy wasn’t easy and what it was like to not have your baby father by your side, so I tried to give Lyss grace but she made it hard.
She was always complaining about how we needed to do better at being a village for her and all this other bullshit.
“What?” Lyss glanced up from her phone with an attitude.
“Girl, fix the ‘tude,” Auntie Luna snarled.